


Watch Me Wither

by Skye_Willows



Series: Heart and Soul [1]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Additional tags included in later chapters, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, But it's going to get brutal before then, Dark Thoughts, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Happy Ending, Gavin and Connor POV, Graphic Depictions of Illness, Hanahaki Disease, Heavy Angst, I apologise for all of the brutal cliffhangers, I'd have the tissues on standby, Loosely inspired by hanahaki disease anyway, M/M, Musings on suicide, Slow Burn, Small Case fic in the middle, Terminal Illnesses, dark themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:35:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 69,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23495413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skye_Willows/pseuds/Skye_Willows
Summary: Everyone has a soulmate, but not everyone meets them. Quite often, someone’s soulmate dies before the person can even remember dreaming about them. That’s what Gavin had always assumed happened to him until one snowy night in November 2038 when he started dreaming about Connor, the android he’d shot in the head, of all people.Humans can’t have android soulmates. No way - or at least that’s what Gavin believed until Connor flat out said he didn’t want Gavin in any part of his life and he’d then got that damn death spot on his hand.How ironic. He’d killed Connor when he was still machine, and now Connor had condemned him to a slow and painful death in return.Seriously, fuck his life.
Relationships: Connor/Gavin Reed, Hank Anderson & Connor, Hank Anderson/Upgraded Connor | RK900, Jeffrey Fowler & Gavin Reed, Tina Chen & Gavin Reed, Upgraded Connor | RK900 & Gavin Reed
Series: Heart and Soul [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1740937
Comments: 326
Kudos: 394





	1. A Condemned Man

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys. So this was a fic that was originally intended to be part of the Convin Big Bang **months** ago, but life just got on top of me and I couldn't finish it on time (to which I am eternally shameful for).
> 
> What Gavin goes through here is something that is based off Hanahaki Disease but a much more gruesome version. If anyone wants the detailed breakdown of Withering please let me know but I'm going to try and make it as clear as possible through this fic.
> 
> And since Hank900 is one of my favourite ships (no surprise given my poly ship universe, for anyone who has read that), they're getting a cameo in here too. They won't be in the limelight but their relationship is going to balance out the angst of Connor and Gavin's - and will come into play eventually.
> 
> Going to warn you all now, this will be getting into really heavy themes. This will not shy away from the reality of someone who is terminally ill and suffering from great pain in knowing that their end is coming.
> 
> Without further ado, may it begin!

It was known that soulmates existed, but it was by no means a given that you would have them. In fact, only about 60% of people who were born were entwined with another, but there had been a lot of assumptions about soulmate bonds over the years. They were romanticised, overhyped and, far too often, a massive deal was made about them when only a small number of people would ever meet them.

Just because 60% were born with a soulmate didn’t mean they would ever have the chance to meet. Once you factored in unfortunate deaths through accidents and the fact that soulmates don’t have to be born around the same time (you could be born when your mate was 80, for example) it worked out that only 19% would potentially cross paths. And even that could be a blessing or curse.

Because as much as having a soulmate could be that you are destined to share your life with someone special, they could also condemn you to an early and brutal death with one simple choice. Soulmates often ended up as romantic partners, but they just as frequently loved each other as friends. On the other end of the spectrum, however…

Whereas you may have once loved each other in another lifetime, the same was not necessarily true this time. 

If one side of the bond chose to outright reject the other, the spurned half would suffer a painful and slow death via a process called the Withering. The body and that bound portion of the soul dying as the bond between two people disappeared, leaving both without a mate next time they were born. It was common knowledge that the Withering was rumoured to the most excruciating pain imaginable, so rejecting a soulmate would condemn them to that fate willingly.

Hence the blessing versus curse. If you truly did not want to be bound to someone, you would be perfectly aware that you were signing their death sentence.

And so it had been for thousands of years…until androids came along – and with it changed the balance.

* * *

Gavin knew that he had a soulmate, but he always believed he was one of the unlucky ones whose soulmate had died before he ever got to know them. Everyone with a soulmate dreamt of a garden where they would meet their mate, get glimpses of them to help facilitate a meeting in reality. If someone’s mate had already died, however, there would be a memento somewhere in the garden. A specific flower, a carving on a tree, a fruit lying on the ground…

It was difficult to tell if you’d never seen the garden before it was empty. As such, Gavin wasn’t too concerned when after 36 years, he’d still never found his mate’s memento. He just wanted to know who they were, what they would have been like. Curiosity was a bitch after all.

The last thing he’d expected was to finally dream of his soulmate the night before the android revolution came to a dramatic climax.

It had been a long night, and he’d had to deal with the fallout of shooting CyberLife’s prized deviant hunter in the head after it had broken into the archives. He knew he should have really asked what Connor was up to, but after getting sassed by the android and seeing it interfere with the evidence, Gavin had finally had enough and had shot Connor in the head without warning. At first it was mildly therapeutic, he’d finally got to put a bullet in the head of the plastic bastard, but that feeling had morphed to roaring guilt unexpectedly a few hours later.

Gavin hadn’t understood why until he’d dreamt of the garden that night, only to find Connor sitting there on a bench. His eyes had been sad, hurt, and Gavin’s heart had lurched at it. Both within the dream and in reality. He'd startled awake with a shaky, "Oh fuck," and not known what to do with it.

He had a very serious problem – he’d just shot his soulmate in the head a few hours earlier in cold blood. Gavin had no idea how to come to terms with that in his own head, and he’d not been much better in the following days when Connor began to haunt his nights as well as his waking hours when Connor decided to join the DPD permanently to bridge the gap between humans and androids after the success of the revolution.

So Gavin did what he does best – ignore a problem until it goes away.

Except this wasn’t something that he could ignore forever. It was only going to be so long before something gave in.

It only took six more months before Gavin finally recognised that he was going to have to try and make amends with Connor: for his sanity if nothing else. Never mind all the soulmate crap and all that, he still felt guilty for what happened and owed Connor a long overdue apology.

The question then became…how?

* * *

For Connor, six months had brought about a lot of changes. Considering how he’d started after the revolution (with not a thing to his name save a reputation as the failed deviant hunter and the one who’d delivered Markus’ android army), he’d come a long way. A job, a steady income and, as of a month ago, a place of his own at last. As much as he missed living with Hank, Connor knew that it was better that he wasn’t around to step on any toes…

But that didn’t stop him for being a meddlesome little shit when it came to a certain pair being incredibly stubborn. 

It was a relatively slow day in the precinct so when he and Hank left for lunch, Connor decided it was a choice time to do some not-so-subtle prodding. “So are you going to ask him?” he asked with a little smirk, enjoying far too much how Hank rolled his eyes.

“No, I’m not going to fucking ask him, Con. Seriously, why do you get so much enjoyment out of pestering me about whether I’ve asked Nines if he wants to hang out as just us some time?” Hank asked exasperatedly. This was far from the first time Connor had started this particular conversation.

Connor had to fight _really_ hard not to roll his eyes. “Because you’re both very stubborn individuals who require some gentle directing every so often,” he smiled innocently in reply, to which Hank _did_ roll his eyes at Connor.

Only six weeks after the revolution, just before Christmas, Markus had finally won the right to free and wake up all of CyberLife’s remaining prototype androids after a long and very public battle with the company. Public opinion and a slowly growing political movement had been on his side, and when they’d been handed over everyone, Connor and Hank had been called in upon the discovery of a lone RK900. 

Although clearly hesitant to have anything to do with someone who was built to replace Connor in the long run, it had turned out that Nines was the polar opposite of his predecessor. While Connor had slowly grown into himself in those opening weeks of his life following the revolution, Nines wanted nothing to do with the world around him. Cripplingly shy and withdrawn, Connor had asked Hank if he would mind Nines also staying at the house for a while. Hank hadn’t taken issue with it, but something fascinating had happened in that time.

Much to Connor’s shock, there was a clear spark between Hank and Nines. Initially he’d been surprised given that he and Hank were such fierce friends but there was definitely no romantic interest on either side – Connor and Nines did look similar after all. It soon became evident, however, that Hank was drawn to Nines’ quieter demeanour and slowly emerging personality, not necessarily his looks. Connor had never considered Hank shallow enough to use someone’s appearance as the sole basis of attraction, but it did still catch him off guard how quickly it became evident. 

But the two of them had conveniently ignored the screamingly obvious chemistry between them in favour of being good, but somewhat awkward at times, friends. Now, over three months on since twigging that his best friend/partner and his other closest friend actually both wanted to explore something, but were both too afraid of rejection, Connor was fed up. Androids didn’t have soulmates, and he’d heard Hank himself say that he didn’t have one – that meant there was no potential match for anyone to worry about. 

Time for a little intervention.

“That’s a shame, he’s mentioned more than once how he’d like to spend more time with you, but that he doesn’t feel brave enough to ask,” Connor let slip, entirely too sweetly. “You know what Nines is like, he doesn’t ask for much and feels that he shouldn’t. He has to earn things like the right to ask or want something.”

“Bull-fucking-shit,” Hank snarled. “That poor bastard doesn’t owe anyone anything, despite whatever crap CyberLife left in his head. I know he’s always struggled since being woken up, but that’s just utter bollocks.” He then paused and looked at Connor seriously. “Nines really doesn’t think like that still, does he? He’s always been good around us.”

Connor returned Hank’s gaze steadily. “That’s because we’re the only two people that he completely trusts, but he’s not like that when it’s just him and I. I honestly think it’s you that he’s the more relaxed around, because you’re the one who is always encouraging him to be himself and tell the world to ‘go fuck itself’ if it tries to say otherwise. And you’re the one he talks to about all his insecurities, whether there’s something wrong with him for wanting to stay indoors much of the time and spend it in something he’s interested in, rather than furthering the android cause.

“Hank, Nines _wants_ to be closer to you, he just has no idea how to ask,” Connor finished with a sad sigh. “And I want you two to have the chance to see what is really going on between you. I know that there’s more than friendship there, but you’ve both got to take a leap of faith.”

That got Hank blushing and he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “Shit, guess I’m not the best at hiding it, huh? Don’t you think it’s a little weird that I’m, you know, attracted to Nines?”

“It caught me a little off-guard given that you’d never shown any preference towards me,” Connor told him truthfully, “but when I sat down and thought about it, no. No it isn’t that surprising, because I know you’re the sort of person that values personality and actions over looks and words any day. Once I put aside the programmed idea that humans are primarily drawn to looks, then your interest in Nines seemed entirely natural. Is it really so strange for me to be accepting of the concept?”

“No! Hell no, it’s just…” Hank chuckled. “Guess I’m being guilty of following human preconceptions too. It’s a little hard to remember that just because a lot of you share faces and features, you are entirely separate entities with no familial bonds between you. Still haven’t really got used to that,” he admitted in mild embarrassment. A faint blush then came to his face again as he looked at Connor inquisitively. “You really think he’s interested too?”

Connor smiled warmly at Hank. “Why don’t you just ask him and see for yourself? I wouldn’t be trying to convince you so hard if I thought you were at any notable risk,” he pointed out with a wink, which had Hank laughing again.

As their lunch break came to an end, Connor headed through to the break room to provide Hank with some coffee. They were looking to put in a hard shift through the rest of the day, and as much as Connor wanted to keep Hank’s caffeine intake lower, he knew that the subconscious effect was sometimes a worthy trade. As long as it wasn’t excessive, Connor didn’t mind the consumption. 

“Hey, uh, Connor? You got a minute?”

The android looked up and was suspicious when he saw Gavin wander in, looking rather nervous. Connor had made a point of all but ignoring Gavin as best he could since taking up a full-time job at the DPD, still mildly fearful of him after the events of the revolution. It hadn’t really been much of an issue since Gavin had kept his distance too, but the thought of a private conversation with the man made Connor’s systems freeze in a not good way. 

“That depends on what you wish to speak about, Detective Reed,” Connor replied shortly. “And you can wait until after I’ve dropped this coffee off at Hank’s desk.”

Gavin nodded and waited patiently, knowing that he deserved the mildly hostile reaction he was being given. Once Connor had finished using the coffee machine, Gavin watched as he dropped off the drink and then made his way back to the break room. “Do you mind if we go somewhere with a few less eyes and ears?” the detective asked as politely as he could, to which Connor crossed his arms.

“So you can shoot me again? I think not,” he replied sourly, which had Gavin wincing noticeably. Clearly Connor was nowhere close to any sort of forgiveness. 

“No, nothing like that. I just want an open and honest talk with no one around that can interrupt or overhear is all,” Gavin told him earnestly, knowing that Connor was scanning him for any sort of lie. The android’s eyes narrowed in suspicion, but he finally nodded. In a peace offering, Gavin led Connor to one of the interrogation rooms and even went through to the examination side so that there would be constant recording of what was happening.

Once they were inside, Gavin wandered around to the far side as Connor stayed near the door. “Okay, so what was it you wanted to speak about, Gavin?” Connor questioned a little coldly, which soured Gavin’s hope that this was going to end with them at least civil.

“Look, Connor, I owe you something,” Gavin sighed awkwardly. “I was an absolute ass to you back during the revolution, and I’ve never really had the balls to own up to what I did and apologise to you: so this is me doing it now. I’m sorry, okay? I’m sort for being a jackass, and I’m sorry for shooting you. You didn’t deserve that.”

Connor was taken aback and his stance softened a little. That wasn’t what he’d been expecting. “Oh…” He paused for a moment to think it over. “While I cannot say that I accept your apology, I do appreciate it, Gavin,” Connor eventually decided on. Not everything could be fixed just like that. 

Gavin nodded. That was about as good as he could hope for. Now for the truly hard bit…He swore at himself as he felt nerves build again. 

_Fuck’s sake, Gavin, you’re not asking him on a date! You’re just wanting to get to know him a little better is all. Not as if it’s the end of the world if he says no, it’s just your soulmate, no big deal. Bloody hell, how did I end with an android as a soulmate, seriously?_

“Thanks, Connor. Well, as part of that apology, think we could maybe spend a bit more time actually getting to know each other? You know, rather than kind of avoiding each other.”

It seemed like it was almost an hour before Connor answered, and with it Gavin felt his stomach plummet. “I’m sorry, Gavin, but that won’t be happening. While I accept the sentiment of your apology, I can’t forgive you for what happened,” Connor told him bluntly, but politely.

Ice burned along Gavin’s left arm and he wondered what the hell the pain was before turning his attention back to Connor. “All right, I guess I can see why, but not even at some point in the future?” he tried again, grasping at straws.

“Gavin, you shot me through the head. You had every intention of killing me; that’s not something that will either be forgotten, or forgiven,” Connor stressed, feeling a little hollow for the readings he was getting off Gavin. The other man seemed genuinely crushed and pained, and Connor couldn’t figure out why.

Now feeling suitably humiliated, Gavin tried to play it off casually. “Well, I figured it was worth a shot. Did the important bit anyway, so that’s what counts,” he shrugged. “I’ll just see myself out then, I should have been clear of the precinct an hour ago, but I wanted to do this. See you around, Connor.” 

With that, Gavin left at speed, not willing to look back in case he begged. The ice in his heart and down his left arm hadn’t budged and was only getting worse, and Gavin was beginning to wonder whether something strange was happening. It got so bad that he decided driving on his own wasn’t safe and he engaged the auto-drive in his car, something that he hadn’t done often.

As he tumbled back through the front door, Gavin gasped as he felt the ice race through his chest and settle deep, almost as if a chill had seeped right into his core. No matter what he tried (bath, hot shower cranked up to maximum, hot food or drink, a million blankets) he couldn’t shift it. Despite the shivers tearing through him, Gavin could see that he was all but scalding his skin and it was burning to the touch.

Something was very wrong with him.

Even going to bed didn’t help. The strange affliction was making him exhausted and he wanted nothing more than to sleep, but no matter what rest wouldn’t come. Day bled into night and moved around to day again, but Gavin couldn’t sleep. With it, a very different chill raced through his body.

 _No, I’ve just got too much pain to sleep is all. It’s nothing more than that! This isn’t- No, that is_ **_not_ ** _happening!_

Gavin called in sick to work the next day and even contemplated getting a doctor to look at him as things just continued to slide all the way through to the next night. Tired to the bone but still stricken with insomnia, Gavin was trying a desperate cocktail of medication and hot drinks to stave off some of the chill when he finally spied something on the palm of his left hand.

A black stain, almost like ink. It was faint around the edges, but dark as night in the centre. 

He couldn’t deny it anymore. Gavin screamed in agony as he dragged an arm across the counter top and sent it all spiralling to the floor. Just a few words and he was a condemned man.

With shaking hands, he brought up a page on his phone from the internet and confirmed his worst fears.

**The Process of Withering**

**Stage One: Insomnia**

Those who are rejected by their soulmates will no longer be able to fall into slumber, or access the Soul Garden. This initial adjustment can be accompanied by intense physical and psychological pain. Hallucinations, raging fevers and permanent chills are all known effects associated with this first stage of the Withering progression. Insomnia will remain all the way through until Stage Four.

**Stage Two: Marked**

Once the second stage has begun, the black spot (or more commonly called the Doom Mark) will manifest on the subject’s left hand. This normally happens between 12 and 72 hours after being rejected by one’s soulmate. With the progression, the side effects of the adjustment to Insomnia will begin to subside, but as that becomes a relief, it is only a reprieve for what is to come ahead.

Gavin stopped reading for a second and slid to the floor in despair. Fuck, he really shouldn’t have spoken to Connor. At least before he was just haunted by the android’s presence in the Garden and what could have been. Now he…

 _I’m_ **_dying_.** _Shit, I’m fucking_ **_Withering_** _. Connor rejected me and now I’m going to die because of it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you guys all think of this new take on Hanahaki? Let me know in the comments!


	2. Dead Man Walking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW, the reception to this so far has been amazing! I'm so happy that you guys are loving this!
> 
> As a thank you for being so amazing, I'm uploading another chapter! I hope that you all enjoy this one as much as the last and that I can suck you in to the emotional vortex I'm going for.
> 
> Here goes nothing!

**Stage Three: Decay**

Decay has been documented to start anything from one week to two months after a person has been Marked. The effects are incredibly painful and debilitating, but the severity depends entirely on the speed of decline. While some people can Decay for only a few days before moving on to the fourth and final stage of Withering, others are known to suffer for months before advancing further. 

Some doctors and scientists have debated for a long time as to whether this timeline is tied to the so-called ‘ **will to live** ’, since such a phenomenon is unconfirmed. Others theorise that it may be chance, while a third opinion is that the other party’s intended ‘malice’ behind the rejection of the Soul Bond has an effect. 

Though no answer is apparent or proven, and the circumstances behind the time spent in the stage could be debated for years, there is one thing that is known about Decaying. The body’s organs and tissues will start to die, being expelled via violent coughing fits. This process is known to be among the most painful in existence and has been documented to drive some victims to take their own lives rather than suffer through it.

_Yeah, I can completely understand that right about fucking now._

It was the third day since Gavin had started to Decay, and he was already empathising with everyone who had ever offed themselves rather than suffer through this pain. Already it was beyond anything he’d ever felt – and Gavin had thought being stabbed and shot was excruciating.

Until anyone had felt Decaying, they couldn’t claim to understand pain. Nothing compared to feeling your organs literally melting and dying inside you, slow as it was. 

Seriously, how long was he going to be living like this?

_Living? Hah. I wouldn’t class this as living anymore; I’m a dead man walking._

It wasn’t just the searing and aching pain which was getting to Gavin. More than anything, it was the lack of sleep. The Insomnia was a complete bitch as it gave Gavin no respite whatsoever. Every hour, minute, second…there was just no escaping the reality of what was coming, and he was exhausted. He had no idea how the body could cope with zero sleep for fuck knows how long until he was eventually put out of his misery, and he wasn’t looking forward to finding out.

Most Withering victims lasted a few weeks, but it wasn’t unknown for it to go on for months. At this stage, Gavin had no idea how he was going to survive as it inevitably got worse – this was only the start after all. 

His apartment was not going to be an appropriate distraction, so he snapped his laptop shut with a slow growl and quickly threw on jeans and a new shirt before slipping on the fingerless gloves he’d bought as soon as he’d realised the dark spot on his hand. One small thing that he knew about as a cop – anyone who was suffering from Withering was entitled to a free pair from the centres dedicated to the care of said victims, no questions asked. A quick flash of his palm and he’d been handed a pair over without so much as the woman on the desk blinking. 

The fact that she hadn’t shown him any sympathy was something that Gavin was immensely grateful for. He was already raging internally against his cursed fate enough – pity was only going to infuriate him more. It was exactly why he’d resolved to not tell anyone about his situation at work, but he couldn’t keep hiding it completely now that he was Decaying. There was only so long Gavin could go before the pain floored him: it was one of the first things that everyone online had warned about, that there would be days that he couldn’t move. 

Unfortunately, that meant a very unpleasant discussion with Fowler about his situation. One upside was that he knew Fowler was in extra early on Wednesdays to prepare for the weekly updates to each department, and he was likely to be one of the very few people in the station at the god awful time of the day he was about to appear. 

03:24 blinked back at him from his phone and Gavin sighed as he snatched it and his car keys up to make the journey inwards. Time didn’t really have much significance to Gavin anymore since he was _always_ awake, but the world was carrying on beyond his impending death sentence. 

Just one more thing to make him wonder how much he’d be missed when the inevitable happened in…however long he was condemned to suffer. At this point, he was hoping it would be on the weeks end of the spectrum.

* * *

Arriving at the precinct was as low key as he’d hoped, and a quick glance around showed that only two officers were in the bullpen at the time. Neither of them so much as blinked when Gavin appeared – it wasn’t unknown for him to appear ultra early if he’d been having a bad night – which helped with keeping a straight face as he dropped off his jacket, keys, gun and shield before walking up to Fowler’s office. 

The captain was more than a little confused by Gavin’s appearance so early and he opened the door with a scowl. “Reed, what the fuck are you doing here?” he huffed, blinking when Gavin just sidled past him and inside. Fowler was unimpressed at the action and growled his next sentence out. “Reed, if you don’t give me a very good fucking reason as to why you’re bugging me at _this_ time of the morning, I’m gonna-”

Fowler stopped dead when he saw Gavin pulled the glove of his left hand off and subtly turned it upwards, pointedly away from the view of the bullpen. The black mark on the detective’s palm was unmistakable and Fowler sighed. “Fuck. Yeah, okay, that’s a damn good reason. How long has this been going on, Gavin?”

Gavin was a little taken aback that Fowler didn’t offer condolences or anything like that, but this wasn’t the first time that someone in their precinct had suffered from Withering. He remembered a young officer in only her first year had fallen prey two years ago, only in her early twenties, and Gavin was sure there would be others from before he’d joined Central. Grateful, he slipped the glove back on and answered the captain. “Just under three weeks since I got Marked, this is my third day of Decaying.”

Wincing, Fowler walked over to a filing cabinet behind his desk and grabbed a couple of fliers. “You’re at the start of the really shitty bit then,” Fowler informed him while turning around and giving Gavin the pamphlets. “My brother-in-law Withered four years ago, so I know all the grisly details. He tried everything to at least feel a little more rested – he said that as much as the Decaying hurt like a bitch, it was the Insomnia that really got him. Felt he couldn’t escape all the shit going on around him and struggled to process it.”

That was something Gavin could totally understand and he looked down at the shiny paper in his hands. “Those sheets detail all the things he tried,” Fowler went on. “Meditation techniques, specialist massage and therapy places, various online hotspots where other sufferers went to be open and honest about whatever they were thinking. He told us that he couldn’t be truthful with us about everything he was going through since we were too close, that we didn’t deserve to know it all. My wife took it pretty hard but after a while I realised it was probably a very wise thing on his part: both for sparing us, and for him finding a true outlet. I know you probably won’t make use of it all, he didn’t either, but maybe something can help. The meditation he swore by.”

Surprised by all the advice given, Gavin stood there for a few seconds to absorb it all before he nodded. “Thanks, Fowler,” he replied gratefully, no sarcasm or snark in his voice whatsoever. He hadn’t expected this to be such a personal topic for Fowler, but it made it a lot easier with what he was about to ask. “Since you’ve seen how this goes, you gonna be okay if I end up taking days off when it gets…really shit?”

“You need one, just send me a message personally. Here.” Fowler quickly scribbled a number on a note for Gavin to take. “My work phone, just send me a message anytime you need time – I’ll make sure you get it, no questions asked. Standard protocol for this situation is that you get signed off whenever you ask, but knowing you, I’m going to call that you don’t want it.”

Gavin chuckled a little at that. Seemed like Fowler had the measure of him well and good; he’d known that from a professional point of view, but apparently the older man had him sussed personally too. “I’m beginning to wonder how you’re calling me so well,” he joked, to which Fowler cracked a bit of a smile.

“You get to know the people you work with, Gavin, that’s part of what being a Captain means. You need to know how they work best, and how to get the most out of them. Unlike a lot of the others, you always like pushing yourself to the limit and don’t let yourself be the weak link in the line. Whatever you need to get done, you do it. That’s why I figure you’ll be in here until your body finally gives up the ghost, which’ll probably be long before your mind does. How long that is, well, I guess we’ll find out.”

Smiling ever so slightly in gratitude, Gavin folded the leaflets and stuffed him in his hoodie pocket before zipping it up. That wasn’t something he was going to risk falling out and alerting any of his co-workers. Speaking of which… “I might ask one thing, Fowler. As you can imagine, I’m not keen for word of this get out. I’m not one for sympathy or my personal matters becoming public knowledge: I’d appreciate it if you kept my…affliction quiet until it’s not an option anymore.”

Frowning a little, Fowler nodded. “Not sure how long we _can_ keep this under wraps, Gavin, but rest assured I won’t say a word. I would advise that you tell at least one co-worker though, someone that you would be comfortable being potentially partnered with for the next little while. For now I won’t restrict you to desk duty, but it might become necessary depending on how you progress. Everyone goes differently and if you become too crippled to work in the field, it would help to have someone there with you.”

Shit, Gavin hadn’t even thought of that. Groaning at the thought of having to share the news with someone else, he suddenly realised that he could kill two birds with one stone. There was one other person that he _had_ to tell, he couldn’t not say anything to her, but he knew well that it was going to break her heart. He and Tina had been best friends since they met at Eleventh fifteen years ago, back when they were both fresh out of the academy and were first partnered together.

“I’ll tell Tina – there’s no way I was going to keep this from her and we partner well together.” Gavin laughed as another thought crossed his mind. “She’ll also boot my ass if I come into work in a state that would endanger anyone, me included, so you don’t need to worry about that becoming an issue.”

Satisfied, Fowler nodded at him. “All right. Given the circumstances, I’m willing to permit you and Tina the day off so that you can tell her and allow her some time to process the news. You’re starting to grow rapidly paler and I think you’re due for another expulsion. Take the bathrooms in the archives and I’ll make sure they’re out of action until you’ve left the building.”

Gavin was dumbfounded at Fowler’s understanding and knowledge of the process, but given that he’s seen almost first-hand what happened to someone that was Withering…It was actually an unexpected blessing that Gavin was incredibly appreciative of. He’d been expecting it to be a shitty transition, but Fowler was going out of his way to make the remaining time as easy and normal for the detective as possible. 

It meant a lot to him, even if he couldn’t express it appropriately. Fowler didn’t seem to mind when Gavin left with little more than a nod, and he was thankful that the other man had recognised the signs of his body preparing to purge more of his dying organs. He’d barely made it upstairs and slammed the main door shut before he was heaving up more of the black gunk clogging his throat and lungs.

Fuck, this was only day three…and Gavin had the feeling this was only going to get worse before it-

Well, it wasn’t going to get better. The only way the pain ended was when his time was up.

* * *

It was just gone midday when Gavin heard a knocking at his door and he was jolted out of his attempts to learn the meditation techniques that Fowler had given him. While he’d scoffed at all that shit in the past, he was beyond exhausted and knew his mental health was already strained after three weeks of Insomnia. He was more than willing to give it a shot, especially from someone who’d seen it be effective.

Looking through the peep hole, he took a deep breath to steel himself and immediately regretted it when it caught on some of his decomposed organs clinging to his oesophagus. Hacking up the black ooze, he swore as it was caught in his hand and desperately grabbed a stack of junk mail and smeared it between the letters. As much as he’d bitched in the past of all the things to remain physical, it was handy right then. 

Once he’d wiped his mouth and tried to hide all the evidence of his condition from where he’d coughed it up into his right hand, Gavin opened the door to see Tina staring at him in concern. “Jesus, when Fowler rang and told me get my butt over here because you were under the weather, he wasn’t fucking kidding. You sound like a hoarse bear,” she greeted in her usual snarky tone, but Gavin could recognise the worry underneath it.

Snorting, he nodded for her to come in. “Nice to see you too, bitch tits. Did Fowler seriously tell you to haul your ass across to my dingy apartment?”

Tina stepped inside and Gavin quickly closed the door, only to immediately regret not cleaning his apartment. Normally he wasn’t OCD clean, but his place was always presentable. Right now it looked beyond chaotic, just like his mind. “Fucking hell, Gav, something’s really wrong with you if you’ve not been keeping on top of this mess,” she said knowingly, tossing her jacket over the back of the sofa before turning back to look at him.

Her eyes narrowed as she took in his pallor and exhausted stature. “Shit, you really don’t look good.” All joking was gone from her tone now and she looked at him in genuine concern. “What the fuck’s up with you that Fowler asked me to come check on you? I take it he knows?”

A bitter laugh caught in Gavin’s throat and he barely caught another mini expulsion as it seared its way up his throat. He only had time to dive to the sink in his kitchen before letting it loose, but the burn still felt like it was cutting down to his very core – he supposed in a way it was. The pain had him so dazed that he missed Tina coming over to check on him: except he heard her horrified gasp, no doubt seeing the inky gunge which was slowly being washed down the sink.

“No…” she whispered desperately, turning his left hand over viciously in an attempt to deny the evidence in front of her. When she caught sight of the black spot on his hand though, her hand began to shake where it was wrapped around his wrist. Gavin slumped, having hoped to tell her a better way than this that he was dying but, as ever, fate wasn’t on his side.

“I’m gonna fucking kill the bastard that did this to you,” she snarled venomously. “Who is he, Gavin?”

His eyes widened and he turned to take Tina’ hands in his own. “No, no you fucking don’t, Teenie. You’re not going on a homicidal rampage because of my sorry ass-”

“Someone’s **_killed you_ **, Gavin! They’re a fucking murderer!” she screamed before swiftly finding herself being brought into Gavin’s arms and shushing into her hair gently. The snap rage faded in an instant and Tina broke down into howling sobs, clutching her best friend tightly.

“How-How could someone do this to you?” she gasped, not unfurling herself from his chest.

Gavin sighed and just pressed a kiss to her hair. “There’s no point dwelling on it now, Teenie. I’m so fucking sorry that you found out like that, that I couldn’t tell you like I planned, but it’s not gonna really matter in the long run. The point is that I’m…” He took a deep breath before continuing. “I’m Withering, and I dunno how long I’ve got left. I need you there, my kick ass ninja bestie, to keep my dumb ass sane through all of this shit. Otherwise I don’t know what the fuck I’m gonna do and I might just find a bridge to walk off to stop this crap. It fucking _hurts,_ Teenie, and I can’t escape it. I can’t sleep, I’m in permanent pain and no shit works to even numb it, I’m hacking up my own organs…

“Please, Tina. I need someone to help me here because I already feel like this might break me before long,” he admitted, knowing that he wasn’t strong enough to last on his own. He had no family left and no other close friends save for her: Tina was his family, and he needed her, more than ever before. Gavin knew he was asking something impossible of her – to be the pillar that kept him fighting to stay alive for just that little longer – but didn’t know if it was something she could deal with. 

At least when it was over he’d be dead and not have to deal with the aftereffects. What she was going to see and experience was something Tina would have to carry the memories of forever.

“Of course I’m not going anywhere, you stupid bitch,” she said fondly. “I’m not going to abandon you; you’re stuck with me until the end.”

That was what finally broke the dam of Gavin’s emotions and they both crumpled to their knees, crying as the enormity of it sank in for both of them. They didn’t know how long Gavin had left, but it was likely to be only a few weeks. Only the absolute strongest had months.

However long it took though, Gavin wasn’t going to be facing his death alone. He might have been abandoned by his soulmate, but he had someone who was ready to stand with him no matter what.


	3. Reality Revealed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I can't believe how on board you are all getting with this! It's incredible!
> 
> I hope you're all prepared for a lot more pain as this fic goes on, this is going to **hurt**.

As an android, and an investigative one at that, Connor noticed things about people. Whether it was something as small as how Chris always made sure the stationery for his desk was always in the right place – so that it’s easy to find the next time he’d replied, when Connor had asked him the reason why – or even something more significant like the times of the day that Ben took his diabetes medication. 

Connor couldn’t help but see patterns in people’s behaviour and to note them. It was helpful for when he was trying to entice Hank to make small changes for the benefit of his health (a quest that was now being aided thanks to Nines, the RK900 was not shy about wanting to increase the longevity of his new romantic partner), but could be an irritation when Connor noticed something was out of place. He could not help but want to solve the reasons behind any change.

When it came to noticing that something was up with Gavin of all people, Connor had first begun to wonder when he’d actually started paying that much attention to the surly detective.

Undoubtedly, there was a lot less tension between them than before. Since his apology and attempted reconciliation, Connor could see that Gavin had been making a concentrated effort to at least improve things between them in actively avoiding animosity, but Connor couldn’t understand  _ why.  _ The timing of it was also highly suspicious given that Gavin had been absent several times in the eight weeks since.

Maybe he was reading too much into it, but Connor was beginning to think that there was more going on than a chest infection that had evolved into a lung infection, as Fowler had told everyone after the fifth time Gavin was off due to illness. Hank had asked some more pointed questions since Gavin had barely taken a sick day in the years that he’d been at the precinct, but he’d got the exact same answers again. 

The evidence did support the argument that Fowler gave – even at work, Gavin looked a little pale and constantly exhausted, despite his arguments that he just wasn’t sleeping enough. His rasping and hacking coughs sounded awful to Connor, and he’d been tempted more than once to scan Gavin to see what was truly affecting the other man; which was when Hank’s words about personal privacy always rang through and Connor changed his mind. 

Still, that didn’t stop him from wondering what was going on with the other man. It also made him wonder whether there might be something in seeing if it was actually worth trying to extend the effort to repair their damaged dynamic. There was nothing that was going to erase the past, but Gavin had been nothing if not respectful of Connor’s wish to keep things strictly professional. 

His eyes lifted from where he’d been staring at his screen in thought, landing on where Hank and Nines were talking at the lieutenant’s desk. Jericho were in the process of setting up a liaison position within the DPD and Nines had been put forward as a potential candidate. Nines’ links to the Jericho leadership and some notable members of the DPD (he and Hank’s relationship had been disclosed and not deemed to have an impact on Nines’ potential position, since the RK900 would only be reporting to Fowler) made him a natural choice. The only problem had been to see whether Nines felt up to working in such an environment.

Two weeks in thus far and the other android seemed to be thriving. If he occasionally dropped in to take a slightly too vested interest in some android cases…well, he wasn’t interfering, so no-one had said anything yet. Not to mention that having someone else with many of Connor’s capabilities was always a help in working simulations or potential angles. If Nines ever decided to go into law enforcement, he’d be a welcome addition in Connor’s honest opinion.

It was Nines who realised that Connor’s attention had shifted to them and he cocked his head at the 800 model. “Is everything all right, Connor?” he asked curiously. “You have been deep in thought for some time. Would you wish for some assistance on a particular case?”

“No. No, I’m all good with work,” Connor confirmed before looking over at the other side of the bullpen. The person of his thoughts was currently in the break room with Tina talking as he made a cup of coffee, but it was broken by yet another coughing fit. Even Connor wanted to flinch a little at how violently Gavin’s body shook with each hack and breath.

“Jesus, Reed’s infection seems to be getting worse, not better,” Hank winced sympathetically. “I know Fowler cleared him for work and that whatever Gavin’s got isn’t contagious, but that doesn’t stop me from wondering if he should be here. The guy looks like he’s not had a decent night of sleep in weeks.”

“Indeed,” Connor agreed absently. “Do you think there’s more to it than what we’ve been told?”

Hank snorted a little while looking at Connor fondly. “Con, there’s  _ always  _ more to crap like this than what we’ll be told, especially when dealing with someone like Gavin. He’s fiercely private and won’t let on jack shit if he can avoid it. By the same token, it’s not our business so we shouldn’t pry.”

Connor understood that…but it didn’t stop the itch of wanting to know the truth. Still, Connor could take on board Hank’s hint and nodded in reply. He went back to his reports instead, though his eyes kept flitting up from time to time. Gavin returned to his desk and got to work, even if he ended up vanishing to the restrooms several times. Tina’s worried glance followed him more than once and Connor made an internal resolution to talk to her if things continued to decline. Clearly she knew something.

All thoughts about Gavin’s predicament came to a startling halt when Connor and Hank both had a ping on their monitors about an android coming into the station to confess to a murder which, thus far, had no victim. The pair shared a more than confused look before looking through the brief notes they’d been given by the receptionist.

“Holy shit, you seeing what I’m seeing, Con?” Hank asked in shock, instinctively creating space when Nines leant in to take a better look himself.

“Is such a thing even possible?” Nines asked suspiciously. “It seems…far-fetched. Could be a possible cover up?”

“If it is, it’s a barking mad one,” Hank pointed out before looking over at Connor. “What do you think, Con?”

Connor took in the words on the screen again before looking up at the other two severely. “I think we need to question this android immediately,” he said determinedly. “Come on.”

* * *

Inside the restroom, Gavin had learned how to purge his body of the decaying residue clogging it pretty efficiently by now. One violent heave and the worst of it was gone, leaving only a few pitiful splutters to cough out the remnants. After eight weeks of suffering, he had learned how to adapt in a way that was at least semi-functionable. The pain still sent his head spinning on occasion but the rest was just…it just was.

Not much else to say or be done, really. 

Gavin wiped down as best he could with the wet wipes which lived inside his jacket pocket now and disposed of them within a discreet black bag which would merge with the rest of the trash. Once he was sure no-one was in the restroom with him, Gavin tossed the evidence and stared at his reflection in the mirror instead. 

He was almost getting paler by the day, it was a wonder that nobody had commented on his ghostly complexion yet. Fowler’s memo about not pestering Gavin regarding his ‘long-standing infection’ must have been taken to heart after all. Either that or nobody gave shit – the second option was much more likely.

Sneering in mild disgust at his image for a second, Gavin pushed away from the mirror to head back towards the bullpen when he noticed the faintest touch of black along the seam of his hoodie, between it and his glove. He wrenched the fabric down harshly before pausing. 

Unable to help himself, he pulled back the sleeve to look at the sickly grey skin tone with veins of black snaking along the surface. He’d not looked at it in any great detail for several days, pointedly avoiding every reflection in his house now, and the progress was noticeable. The cuffs of his hoodie only allowed Gavin to pull it to his elbows, but the Decay had already climbed beyond that point and higher. 

It wouldn’t be long before it reached his heart – and then it was game over. Still, the eventual peace was something to look forward to.

Realising that he’d been stalling for long enough, Gavin readjusted everything (including making sure that there was no chance of his left arm being seen) and re-emerged into a flurry of activity in the bullpen. Staring at it in suspicion, Gavin saw Hank, Connor and Nines escorting someone towards the interview rooms in handcuffs. He wandered back to his desk while continuing to stare after them, Chris and Tina stopping their discussion as Gavin returned.

“What’s all the mayhem about?” he asked, but before Tina could answer in a way that might not shock Gavin too badly, Chris jumped in.

“Something crazy’s just happened. An android’s come in to confess to killing someone, but the story they’ve given is a little bizarre. Apparently they caused someone to Wither?” he said while staring after the trio. Because Chris was focusing on them, he missed the haunted look shared by Gavin and Tina. “The Lieutenant’s going to question her to see if the story lines up but that’s not possible, right? Androids can’t have soul mates, can they?”

Gavin chose not to reply to Chris and simply followed the group instead. He was distantly aware of Chris and Tina following on behind but it was almost background noise compared to the thundering of his own blood in his ears. He was sure shock was causing him to go numb but there was no way that Gavin could  _ not go _ into that interrogation suite right now. 

There were other androids out there who were causing humans to Wither? Could this be the start of a sudden wave of deaths relating to Withering? 

Selfishly, he wondered if this would awaken Connor to the possibility of  _ their situation _ , but that wasn’t possible. What proof would Gavin have? The only way anyone ever knew who their soulmate was through dreams: and androids didn’t dream. 

As they entered the observation room, Gavin was a little taken aback by the presence of Nines inside. He was still getting used to the other android’s presence in the precinct, not to mention trying to not jump out of his skin at thinking Nines was Connor for split seconds. “Are you cleared to be in here, tin can?” he asked warily.

Nines shrugged but didn’t shift his gaze from the one-way mirror. “If what this android says is true then it has massive repercussions that filter out well beyond the DPD, Detective. Jericho would need to be informed as soon as possible, thus it makes sense that I remain.”

Gavin was not in any mood to argue and Nines had presented some sound reasoning, so he let it be. The RK900 was not one to stick his nose in where it wasn’t wanted, something that Gavin respected about him – he knew where the boundaries were and did his best not to overstep. Chris and Tina filtered in behind him and the quartet took up various positions around the room. 

Tina sat down in one of the chairs while Chris stayed standing near the main door after locking it so that they wouldn’t be interrupted. Gavin was leaning against the far wall, arms crossed and resting on his right arm with Nines standing towards the back of the room. Everyone paid rapt attention as Hank and Connor entered the interrogation side, the android snapping her head up to focus on them.

Hank sat down opposite her while Connor kept slightly back, pacing the room slowly.  _ “Your name’s Harriet, yes?” _ he began, voice coming through loud and clear through the intercom.

**_“Yes, that’s correct,”_ ** she replied sullenly, eyes falling down to the cuffs around her wrists.  **_“Evan gave me that name long before the revolution but I kept it afterwards – I liked it.”_ **

“ **Evan Harrison, aged 38 years,”** Connor added as he circled around them. “ **Your former owner?”**

Harriet nodded once as Hank went on. “ _ You’re a KT400, the predecessor to the PL600. Unusual to see an android who’s been in service so long,”  _ Hank commented idly. “ _ He took good care of you if you’re still here, having been built in 2035.” _

**_“He did,”_ ** Harriet sniffled. “ **_Evan was one of the best people I’ve ever known. As soon as he realised what was happening with the revolution he told me to run and be free. After we’d won I went back to thank him and to stay for a time.”_ **

_ “For a time? What changed?”  _ Hank asked, Connor monitoring Harriet’s stress levels. She had not lied thus far, which everyone could see on the screen in the observation room. Connor had linked his scans of the android into the viewing mirror for everyone on the other side to have available. It was force of habit more than anything now, but it was highly intriguing to see for those on the observation side. Tina and Chris had never seen Connor’s analysis of another android before, Gavin had seen it a couple of times.

Gavin took note of the stress indicator sitting at 67% - you could see it just from looking at Harriet that she was immensely upset, but the number was confirmation that she wasn’t acting. 

**_“I-I wanted to go travelling for a bit, see some of the world since I had the option for the first time. Evan was encouraging me until he realised that I wanted to see everything…”_ ** Harriet explained, stuttering a bit before going on. Her stress indicators notched up by 3%.  **_“That was when he started pleading for me to stay, saying that the years I spent travelling would mean he lost out on me. He admitted that he cared about me more than just a friend, he wanted to see if we could have something.”_ **

She physically flinched, which everyone took note of. A brief alarm went off in the observation room as Harriet’s stress levels spiked to 85%. The four watching could see Connor give Hank a significant look from behind Harriet, warning the older man as to her condition. He reached out and placed a comforting hand on her arm, not fearing the android as a threat. 

_ “Take your time, Harriet. We can see this is highly distressing for you and are more than willing to wait,”  _ he reassured, which had Gavin watching curiously. He would have thought that Connor would have tried to prevent the contact since they were dealing with a suspect and not a witness. A quick look behind showed that Nines hadn’t reacted in the slightest, clearly he didn’t think Harriet was a danger either: Gavin doubted that Nines would have allowed Hank to put himself in harm’s way without contacting Connor to intervene.

It took a minute or so but Harriet’s stress levels ticked down a little. Hank’s steady but patient gaze helped her to rein in the emotions to the point where she felt she could speak again.  **_“Thank you,”_ ** she said roughly before continuing.  **_“I told Evan that I want to see what else there was in the world, that I had a life to enjoy things for the first time. When he asked if I would come back to Detroit I…”_ ** a small whimper escaped her.  **_“I told him I didn’t know, I might find a reason to stay somewhere else.”_ **

**“Did you mean that you hoped to find someone to love?”** Connor theorised gently.  **“I presume you didn’t feel that way for Evan?”**

**_“I cared deeply for him as a friend and I will forever be grateful to him, but no, I didn’t love him. But I think-Oh god, I think Evan loved me! And now I’ve killed him because I rejected him! I didn’t even mean to!”_ ** she bawled, trying to curl in on herself.

“Poor thing, she’s tearing herself up about this,” Tina said solemnly. “You can see the guilt pouring off her.”

“Yeah but is that a criminal’s guilt or survivor’s guilt?” Chris wondered out loud. The conversation faded out as Hank jumped back in.

_ “Harriet, when you came to the station you admitted to killing someone via Withering. Can you explain to me how you know that to be the case?”  _ Hank prodded with as much understanding as he could.  _ “Androids don’t have soulmates, as far as we know.” _

Gavin’s gut clenched at the statement but his eyes then widened when he spied the synthskin on Harriet’s right hand peel away to reveal a black spot identical to the one he bore on his left hand. 

Left hand Marked for someone Withering, right hand Marked for one who has rejected their soulmate and that mate has Withered.

“Son of a bitch…” Chris exclaimed. Connor was already scanning the mark and his analysis came back with confirming that it seemed to be fused to Harriet’s chassis, though there were no additional compounds to the plastic. No reason for how it could exist there beyond the almost magical mechanics of their world.

“Oh fuck, is that real?” Tina gasped as she looked back to Gavin involuntarily. His eyes were fixed upon the black taint on Harriet’s hand and he couldn’t help but wonder as to how many others might be out there. He and Connor clearly weren’t the only human-android soulmate pairing, there were more of them. How many other humans had been handed down a death sentence like he had? Something completely unintentional with dire consequences.

He was mildly resentful of the fact that androids couldn’t Wither as humans could. Or maybe they had an android equivalent? Who knew.

**_“I-I know androids shouldn’t have soulmates, but how do you explain this mark? Evan had one too on his left hand and it had spread all the way across his chest! He looked-“_ ** she cut herself off to attempt to regain some semblance of composure, quelling her almost desperate yell. 

**_“_ ** **What caused you to return?”** Connor asked gently while perching on the side of the table.

Harriet slumped in her seat.  **_“Because the further out I went, the more I realised that the world isn’t somewhere that androids are welcome yet. Almost everywhere I went, I was regarded with hatred or suspicion. Evan never treated me like that, I was my own person without fear of judgement. And now I’ve-Oh god, how can this have happened?! I’m so sorry, Evan!”_ **

She crumpled in a flood of tears. Hank and Connor shared a quick look which confirmed that Harriet was being truthful from all outside signs. Connor held out a pale hand in the offer of an interface, to which she took it hesitantly. Not even a couple of seconds later Connor pulled back with a long sigh.  **“She’s telling the truth. Evan Harrison passed away via Withering and it seems that Harriet caused it accidentally.”**

**_“_ ** _ Well shit.” _

Gavin couldn’t help but snort quietly at Hank’s exclamation and involuntarily looked down at his gloved left hand. Would Connor react in somewhat of a similar fashion if he knew what was happening? Would knowing beforehand and having to see the person die after your role in their demise be easier than learning when it was too late?

He didn’t know – Gavin clenched his fist briefly at the fucked up mechanics of their world and let it fall to his side once again.

Nines’ eyes followed the action and they shifted to something sympathetic after a quick scan to confirm his suspicion. Clearly Gavin was determined to keep his suffering a secret, however, so he wouldn’t out the detective to the DPD. It wasn’t his place after all.

That didn’t mean he couldn’t do a little subtle digging to learn more. Gavin wasn’t someone Nines liked per se but no-one deserved the slow, painful death of Withering: and from how much Gavin was affected, it seemed like his soulmate might be an android.

For everyone’s sakes, they had to find out how this new dimension to soulmate mechanics worked before the results were catastrophic.


	4. Late Night Counsel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I know there's at least one relationship tag in this fic that will bemuse people and honestly, it was only after I started writing this that I realised how much of a secondary storyline it would grow to be. Don't ask me where it came from or how, but it just kinda...is. Hopefully you guys don't find it too odd!
> 
> I'm continuing to be overwhelmed by the reception to this fic, you guys are inspiring me to write this at top speed! And I get the feeling that a few more chapters are going to appear to flesh out the story more (since I have no idea how to stick to a word count, apparently. I originally projected this to be between 20-30k. Get the feeling it'll be closer to 50k now!)
> 
> Anyway, enough of my yapping. Enjoy!

Time was a truly curious notion when it meant nothing to you anymore.

For Gavin, he’d even stopped being aware of his impending doom. Well, at least in the sense that it wasn’t on his mind constantly anymore. He couldn’t sleep, barely ate or drank, was constantly hacking up his own dying organs…but it wasn’t overtaking his every thought.

All of the small things that Fowler had given him were invaluable, especially the techniques on meditation. It helped Gavin to zone out from everything for a little while, and if nothing else it meant that he had less hours of boredom to fill in. That didn’t work every night though, and tonight was one of those nights.

Admittedly it might be because he was now neck deep in a messy as fuck case – and it was bugging the hell out of him.

There weren’t many cases that truly affected Gavin, he was hardened to most of what he saw nowadays after all that he’d come across before, but the ones where there were young kids involved always hit him hard. It got to everyone a little more when there were young lives which were affected by what went on around them - and rather twistedly, dead kids hit him less as at least their pain was over. Nothing broke him more than seeing children affected by trauma, because that was a lifelong sentence along with their childhood essentially having been robbed.

Which was why children getting kidnapped bore right down into his mind, just like with this current case.

A ten-year-old girl had been taken on her way to school, seemingly right out of the blue. Since Hank had taken three weeks off and was away on the other side of the country with Nines, it left Gavin as the highest ranking officer who was available to take the case.

Fowler had given him every resource he could ask for, but a week later and they didn’t even have a clue of where to start. No motive, no suspect, not even any CCTV as to how it happened. The girl had been on her way to catch the bus when she’d vanished down a lane that she always took as a shortcut to the bus stop. Nice neighbourhood which was vigilant, no known threats and lots of other children that lived there.

None of it made sense: which was why Gavin couldn’t stop his mind from spinning enough to meditate. Tina had offered to come around and help keep him distracted since she knew that he couldn’t sleep but Gavin gently declined her company. He might have insomnia now but she’d still need to rest, it wasn’t fair for her to deprive herself of sleep in an effort to keep a dying man from losing what remained of his mind.

So when Gavin got a knock on his door at 2:48 am, he was instantly suspicious and on high alert. Before he could reach over to grab his gun, however, a completely surprising voice carried past his door.

_“Let me in, Gavin? We need a chat.”_

More than a little blindsided, Gavin took a second to refocus himself before tossing a hoodie and one glove on, hiding the evidence of his decaying state. Pulling the door open, Gavin looked at Fowler in obvious surprise. “No offence, Captain, but I didn’t think I’d ever end up with you at my front door unless I was in some serious shit and I don’t think I’ve done anything recently…?”

Fowler laughed softly and gave Gavin a slightly fond expression. “No, you’re not in trouble, Gavin. May I come in?”

Gavin stepped away to allow Fowler inside, waiting until the captain was fully indoors before he went over to the coffee pot and poured out another cup. Just because he was dying didn’t mean he was going to give up his favourite treat in life. He flinched a little as he noticed that Fowler had headed towards his dining table, taking a cursory look over all of his scribbles and the laptop which was linked into the DPD servers.

“Trouble switching off?” Fowler surmised, snapping Gavin back to attention as the detective wandered back over with the extra mug of coffee.

“I get the feeling you knew that already given how quickly you strode over here. Come to chew me out about logging on to the DPD servers from home?” Gavin guessed while sitting down. “I’m taking all of the necessary precautions-”

“No, Gavin,” Fowler said softly, which cut Gavin’s explanation off abruptly. “I came by because I noticed from the activity log that you’ve technically been working 16 hour or more days since this Leyland case started.”

_Ah, busted._

The detective wasn’t apologetic as he reached over to snap the laptop shut and closed the case file with all of his scribbles. “I’m not looking for any overtime or any of that shit, I’m just wanting this solved.”

Fowler laughed warmly. “Gavin, I have never been worried about you claiming overtime, you work your ass off. Why do you think I always gave you any fucking vacation days that you ever requested? The amount you work, you could probably claim several extras.”

Gavin blinked in surprise yet again. “You’re really not here to chew my ass out? Then what gives?”

Knowing eyes pierced through Gavin’s façade quickly and the words that followed shattered the mask beyond any hope of repair that night. “I’m well aware of what happens to someone who is Withering, Gavin. With how little time you have left, I just wanted to remind you that work shouldn’t be the main thing in your life.”

A harsh laugh ripped out of Gavin’s throat. “You really think I’ve got much of a social life, Fowler? I’m an asshole and everyone knows it – not to mention that I can’t really do jack shit right now without anyone finding out about my condition pretty quickly. Kinda puts a dampener on any outings when I’m trying to keep this quiet.”

The captain took a long gulp of his coffee before looking at Gavin seriously. “Even so, I know that my brother-in-law had some regrets when he died. He never truly acknowledged that he had no time left and just…buried his head in the sand.” Gavin’s expression became guarded as Fowler went on. “All I’m here to do is ensure that you’re doing what you want – if you asked for it, I’d let you go with full pay until the time came.”

“But…?” Gavin could hear the unspoken word in Fowler’s statement and the older man chuckled.

“But I don’t think you would. From what I’ve seen in these past months you’re fighting this with everything you’ve got until the bitter end, and somehow helping a lot of other people while you’re at it. I don’t know where you’re finding that strength but it is truly incredible.”

Gavin’s voice became quiet as he admitted, “Neither do I…” softly. Fowler didn’t let on that he’d heard the statement as the detective looked at him intently. “Why are you around here at such a crazy ass time of day? I’ve got an excuse as I don’t sleep now but you always seem to be in the precinct. Surely you switch off at some point?”

A small chuckle rose out of Fowler as he took another gulp of coffee. “Normally you’d be right, but I was thinking about this case as well. I decided-” Gavin suddenly ripped out of his seat and went tearing through to the bathroom with a look of anguish that the captain recognised. Fowler’s stomach clenched at hearing the painful retching from within the other room and he stood with a sigh, heading through to the kitchen.

His eyes fell to all of the pamphlets the he’d handed Gavin when the detective had first admitted to his condition and Fowler laughed at seeing some had been scribbled over with notes of **load of bullshit** and **nice thought, no such luck**. After realising that Gavin had circled over one which detailed some of the herbal teas which helped with the taste after a purging episode, however, he started to dig around in the cupboards.

When Gavin emerged after a few minutes, looking decidedly paler than before and even more exhausted, he was stunned at seeing the steaming mug which had been placed in front of his seat at the table. “Since you had more of the peppermint and liquorice flavour than any of the others, I took an educated guess that it was your favourite,” Fowler explained.

Oddly touched, Gavin nodded and picked up the tea to take a grateful drink. “Thanks.”

“Do you mind if I take a look, Gavin? Since I have history with Withering, I could maybe give you a vague idea of how far onset you are,” the older man suggested, to which Gavin turned to him in surprise. He hid the evidence of his condition from everyone, not even Tina had seen the full extent; though that was admittedly because Gavin knew that she wouldn’t be able to handle seeing the damage and progression. Fowler knew what he was asking, which made it a little less…intimidating.

“There’s no pressure, but if nothing else I should be able to tell if you’re past the peak or not,” Fowler went on. “Once the Decay reaches a certain point it gets no worse and- well, you’ve lasted a lot longer than most cases I’ve heard of, Gavin. I might be able to offer some small comfort if the worst has passed already.”

 _You mean if I’m five feet under already and just waiting for that final plunge,_ a bitter part of him thought. It took a good ten seconds of thought before Gavin nodded and pulled off the glove first, the hoodie following just afterwards.

He was very grateful that Fowler didn’t react outwards – the detective knew that he was in a state.

Gavin’s whole lower left arm was now covered so expansively by the Decay that the appendage already looked like it had fallen victim to a horrific combination of rotting and burning. His skin was now ashen grey and almost cracked in appearance, the black tendrils snaking all the way up past where his t-shirt ended halfway up his biceps. Even past his elbow there was more tainted flesh than natural, the remainders of human-hued skin slowly being swallowed whole.

A choked off laugh caught in Gavin’s throat as he turned his hand up to the black mark in the centre of his palm: the Decaying was so extensive on his hand now that he couldn’t wear fingerless gloves anymore and had to wear tipless ones only. Barely the very tops were showing no outward evidence. “Wonder how many people would think this is karma,” he spat to himself hatefully but Fowler brushed the venomous remark aside, gently lifting Gavin’s sleeve to see how far the damage went.

It stopped just at Gavin’s shoulder, to which Fowler sighed.

“You’re past the worst of it, son,” he said solemnly. “When my brother-in-law reached this stage he only last another week and it was nowhere near as painful after it. He didn’t survive as long as you have, mind you.”

“That reminds me,” Gavin suddenly thought. “How did your brother-in-law Wither? I take it from your tone that it wasn’t an other half or something that caused it?”

Fowler chuckled sadly. “Good catch. You know that soulmates don’t have to be a romantic couple, they need to only play a role in each other’s lives. Friends, confidantes, partner…they are companions above all else. His wife’s soulmate had died before she even started dreaming of her Garden and my brother-in-law’s was born when he was 29, he didn’t think anything of it. Had to be his damn luck that one of the people at his gym class happened to be his soulmate.

“He wasn’t looking for anything more than a friend – happily married man with two kids – but she…panicked. Ran and vanished as soon as she twigged who he was without hanging around long enough to know what he was after, she assumed it was romantic. That was enough to trigger the Withering,” the older man relayed, causing Gavin to nod slightly in understanding. He’d learned a lot about Withering in the three months since he’d started the process himself and it was frightening how often it was accidental. Unfortunately the consequences of running were dire to the other half of a soul bond.

“Sounds like you somehow tracked her down afterwards,” Gavin whispered, to which Fowler nodded.

“I just needed to know for my own sanity after he died, to know that if he’d been telling the truth when he reckoned it was just because she was scared of what having a soulmate meant. I don’t have one personally but I can understand the fear attached to having one – knowing that someone has the power to destroy you just with a few words…Turned out he was right and she was distraught afterwards, only 20 years old. Naively thought that because they’d not spoken at length it wouldn’t trigger anything; such a costly mistake. Even those could of sentences were enough to do him in.”

Gavin couldn’t help but hum thoughtfully, thinking back to the android who’d handed herself into the DPD a month earlier. Harriet hadn’t been charged with anything as androids couldn’t know if they had soulmates or not. How could they? They didn’t dream of the Garden like humans did, androids didn’t dream. Now that word was spreading that androids **did** in fact have soulmates, Nines had told the DPD that Jericho were working in concert with CyberLife to find an update which would allow androids to dream, but who knew how long that would take.

It was too late for him, anyway. Maybe it could save someone else though. Part of him wondered if he'd live to see it be released.

Sitting there with Fowler was never something he’d seen himself doing, but now that it was happening Gavin realised it was weirdly the most relaxed he’d felt since this whole mess started. As much as he loved Tina (and he really did love that tiny firecracker to bits, she had done so much for him over the years) there was an unconscious pressure whenever he was around just her – she knew that he was dying but seeing how badly it was affecting her, Gavin made the effort to hide the worst of it.

That wasn’t there with Fowler. He’d seen just how cruel and merciless the whole process was from start to finish, and he wasn’t one to shy away from that reality. It meant that Gavin didn’t have to hide in a sense, made it all feel that little bit more…normal – as could be seen by the fact that he was now sitting with the evidence of his impending doom on full display.

As twisted a sentiment as that was – there was something very wrong with a world where people chose to reject their soulmates knowing that this was the fate that awaited them. One consolation in Gavin’s mind was that he was sure Connor hadn’t intended it, and even if he was wrong about that it was penance for his actions during the revolution. He was paying the price for that the hard way.

After a couple of minutes where the pair sat in comfortable silence, Fowler drank the last of his coffee before sighing. “Gavin, since you’re clearly not going to be able to switch off from this case, why don’t I give you extra help from someone else who can also work all hours of the day?”

It didn’t take Gavin long to twig who the captain meant and he placed his mug down very slowly, really not sure what to think of the suggestion. “Connor?”

“Homicide as a whole is slow since we’re waiting for the courts to get back to us on warrants, Connor’s a spare pair of hands right now. He might be able to see something as an android that we humans can’t,” Fowler suggested, mistaking Gavin’s discomfort at the suggestion for something to do with their previous history. “I thought you two were getting on better in recent times but if you don’t want him as part of your team then I’m sure I can have him assist someone else.”

“No, that’s not-” Gavin swallowed hard before letting out a harsh and sad laugh, amazed that the first person he was admitting this to was _Fowler_ of all people. Tina knew that Gavin’s soulmate was an android - he’d told her that much since she remembered him saying before that he thought his soulmate had already died though he couldn’t find a memento – but he’d never said **who** it was. “Trust me, this has nothing to do with Connor being an android or anything like that. It’s just that…”

He lifted his decaying arm to Fowler and showed the death spot on his hand, knowing that the captain would understand what he was getting at. “Connor’s why I’m here.”

At that Fowler’s eyes widened in shock before closing in resignation. “ **Fuck** ,” left his mouth in a heartfelt expression of regret, to while Gavin smiled ironically. Yep, that kinda summed it up. “Christ, was this on purpose or…?”

“Same thing as Harriet, an innocent mistake,” he chuckled bitterly. “Dreamt of him for the first time the same fucking night I shot him, back before he was deviant. He woke up on Jericho and that was when I started to see him. Asked if we could maybe start again after my epic fuck up during the revolution, Connor said he couldn’t forgive or forget. Didn’t even consider something changing further down the line, which I don’t blame him for.”

Fowler sighed regretfully. “What a fucking mess…” he lamented. “Who else knows?”

“Tina knows my soulmate’s an android, I’d always told her I thought mine had died but I wasn’t sure since I’d never found a memento so when I started Withering it wasn’t hard to put that much together. You’re the only person who knows that it’s Connor though,” Gavin confirmed while deciding to hide the evidence of his suffering. Staring at it for too long was just making him nauseous; he could ignore it while alone but with Fowler there it wasn’t so easy, especially when that was the subject of their discussion.

“I see.” Fowler contemplated this for a moment before standing, seeing that Gavin was starting to close himself off. “Thank you for your time, Gavin, I just wanted to make sure that you were doing this entirely out of free will. Now that I know you’re choosing to continue working, I will leave you in peace.”

Gavin nodded and followed the older man to the door, letting him out with a final handshake before he leant back against the now closed barrier and took a few deep breaths. He could feel another purge coming and had been holding it back while Fowler was there, his boss being witness to one expulsion was bad enough. Now with less pressure, he waited to learn the severity before he decided if this would just be a sink or toilet job.

Nope, this was worse than last time. Toilet again it was.

He was really hoping that Fowler was right and that Gavin was now past the worst of it – he really wasn’t sure how much longer he could do this until he genuinely started contemplated putting himself out of his misery, before the Withering got him first.

* * *

After cleaning himself up Gavin decided that he might as well head down to the precinct. He’d always been an early bird and it wasn’t totally unheard of for him to be in at 5 in the morning, 4:30 was just a little earlier. Now changed into warmer and better suited clothes, Gavin wandered into the precinct and was ready to bury himself in the evidence lockup to try and make some progress.

What he didn’t expect was to find extra company there.

“Gavin? What are you doing here?”

He’d barely hung his jacket up on the back of his chair when Gavin heard Connor’s voice, the android emerging from the direction of the elevators with a stack of paper case files in his arms. Gavin hadn’t been expecting anyone there, least of all Connor. As far as he knew the android had been keeping Hank’s dog company since the older man was away for so long with his new other half.

It still kinda stunned Gavin that those two had ended up together, he never in a million year would have called that one. Still, after all of the heartache he’d been through Gavin couldn’t blame Hank for grasping at the chance of happiness with both hands and Nines certainly seemed just as content from what little the detective had seen of them.

“Could ask you the same thing, Connor,” Gavin answered back while booting up his terminal. “I thought you were dog sitting for Anderson while he and Nines are off vacationing?”

“I am, but the Captain asked if I would be willing to help digitise some of the android crimes case files to transfer over to New Jericho. Nines normally completes it but since he’s not here I volunteered. I’ve been in at 4 am all week,” the android informed him while setting the cases down.

That was some pretty fair reasoning and Connor had no reason to think that he’d be disturbed at this time of night, nobody was ever in the bullpen and only the higher floors had a night shift crew that were based in the precinct. Everyone else was out on patrol. “Well, don’t mind me,” Gavin stated while looking up the details of all the evidence boxes and bags he needed and copying them across to his tablet along with the case file. “I’m just grabbing some notes quickly. Once that’s done I’ll be heading down to the evidence locker, I won’t be in your way.”

Connor’s eyes took Gavin in and his concern for the detective ratcheted up again. Gavin had been slowly getting worse over the past month and he was sure something more serious was wrong than a recurring infection. His complexion was sickly pale and his skin seemed borderline clammy, all classic signs of the human body fighting off something devastating.

Maybe it was finally time to confront the issue head on.

“Might I ask you a personal question, Detective?” the android ventured, to which Gavin looked at him suspiciously.

“I’d wonder as to the motivation given that we don’t really speak…but go ahead. Not gonna promise I’ll answer though,” he replied honestly.

Given their unsteady dynamic Connor hadn’t even expected that, so he accepted it with a nod. “Your condition continues to deteriorate and despite the Captain’s explanations I cannot help but be sceptical. Given that you are steadily growing more frail I have to question whether it is right that you are here at such a time of the morning? It cannot be good for your already strained health.”

Well…Gavin had been contemplating whether to tell Connor the truth up until the android asked if he was fit to be in. Had Connor come straight out and asked Gavin if he was suffering from something else he’d been thinking about coming clean, but clearly Connor wasn’t _that_ concerned. If Connor had been that worried the android could have scanned him.

“I’m fine, dipshit,” Gavin told him a little abruptly, looking away. “I don’t have time to waste with this case – a kid’s life is on the line and I’m not going to sit around at home twiddling my thumbs. I’m awake and thinking clearly, I can be working.” He gathered up his tablet and backpack full of supplies before marching towards the evidence locker. “See you later, Connor.”

That could have gone better. Connor had projected a 48.91 percent chance of Gavin reacting angrily and a 35.22 percent chance of the detective blanking him. The defensive and borderline hurt reaction was not something Connor had factored at all. Since that hadn’t been his intention in the slightest, Connor decided that he didn’t want to leave things like that. He’d clearly poked at a raw wound.

“Gavin, wait,” he called out softly. He’d not expected the detective to actually slow down, but when he saw the pause Connor grasped for it. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be insensitive. I can’t help but notice the difference in you and your condition is…concerning. I’ve never considered you as anything but fierce and capable before but now you seem disturbingly fragile. The shift is alarming.”

The detective let out a small sigh before answering. “Connor it’s just…This is difficult, okay? I’m still adjusting to this crazy change myself and it’s fucking scary at times. Work is one thing that is still mostly under my control. I need to do right by this kid and get her home, I’m not going to let something like my body rebelling stop me from doing that.”

Now having a glimpse of Gavin’s thinking, Connor set his files down and stepped forward from his desk. “Anything that I can do to help?”

Connor’s offer caught Gavin off guard and he spun to face Connor but he was assaulted by an ill-timed cough, some of his dying organs making a run for it. He managed to grab a black tissue from his hoodie pocket and splutter into it before shoving it back inside the android not getting too close before he stopped. Connor’s LED spun yellow as his face scrunched in concern. “That sounds very painful. Is there truly no medication that can help?”

Gavin gave him a look. “You not gonna tell me? I’d have thought your curiosity would get the better of you and you’d have scanned me?”

“With how often Hank protests against me scanning him, I have since stopped with anyone other than suspects without their express permission,” Connor explained. “I could take a look if you want?”

“Nah, don’t bother. Already know what’s wrong with me, was just nosy as to whether you’d looked too,” Gavin shrugged while looking back to the stairs that led to the evidence locker. Learning that Connor didn’t know was…confusing. He wasn’t sure whether to feel better about it or not, but it sounded like Connor almost did care after all. “You really want to help with my case?”

“Homicide has minimal work right now, as does android crimes. I am essentially at a loose end and can be of assistance if you wish,” the android stated gently. “Only if you are willing to work with me, however. Any friction would no doubt be of detriment to your condition and to the case.”

While he wanted to be a little offended at the insinuation they couldn’t work together, Gavin had doubted it himself not so long ago when Fowler was round at his place. Now that Connor was offering however…a selfish portion of him wanted to grasp the chance to get to know his soulmate, regardless of how small a part it was.

At least it would be something before he rotted away.

“Sure, why not? Maybe your fancy android eyes can find something we humans can’t,” Gavin joked, to which he was surprised when Connor gave him a small smile in return.

Huh, maybe working with the android wouldn’t be too awkward after all.


	5. Boundaries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, because I can't help myself, you're all going to get a little glimpse of my take on Hank and Nines' relationship in this universe, and how it ties in to Connor. It's not going to be hugely obvious but Hank and Nines do have roles to play in this journey.
> 
> Something a little different this time but you'll see why soon enough.
> 
> Enjoy!

“Con, why are you washing dishes at 3 in the fucking morning? Poor Sumo’s probably been confused enough these past weeks seeing you around all of the time again without his days and nights getting muddled up.”

The android laughed to himself softly as he grabbed a dishtowel from next to the sink and turned to the pair which had just re-entered through the front door. Hank and Nines’ flight back had been delayed for several hours due to fog and Connor could see just how tired the older man was as he appeared. It warmed Connor’s systems to see the gentle ways that Nines was fussing over Hank – taking his jacket and the house keys after leaving their suitcases out of tripping range, despite the human’s mutterings that he was just tired, not an invalid.

While Nines went about locking the door, Hank flopped down on the sofa and let out an obscene groan. “Fucking finally…I’m too old to be sitting around in airports and on planes all hours of the day,” he moaned before looking back to Connor. “So, why you being all domestic at this ungodly hour?”

“Is it so surprising that I wanted to greet you both as you returned home?” he teased, enjoying the blushing glare that Nines sent his way. The other android hadn’t moved into the house but given how often he was around, Nines might as well live there by now. It was just a matter of time in Connor’s mind. “I also wanted to ask how your vacation went.”

“Speaking of which, I’ve got a fucking bone to pick with you, Con,” Hank grumbled, to which Connor smirked as he crossed his arms and leant up against the sink. This ought to be good, he had a feeling as to what Hank was going to grumble at him about. “Care to tell me how I suddenly ended up not only on a surprise trip away, but to somewhere that I hadn’t managed to tell Nines the significance of yet?”

“Are you complaining?” the android teased, to which Nines interjected as he walked through to the living room.

“Of course he isn’t, he’s just looking for an excuse to bitch and I don’t give him the same sass in return that you do,” Nines replied, completely deadpan. Hank glared at him as Connor laughed, the RK800 so happy to see that Nines was comfortable enough to be his cutting self. Not everyone appreciated the RK900’s brutal honesty and dry humour but it was perfect complement to Hank.

“Shut it, you,” Hank warned, a flush rising to his cheeks when Nines winked, while spinning back to Connor. “Seriously, where the fuck did you two come up with the idea that we should jet off to the city that I’ve been planning to go back to for thirty-odd years?”

“Nines mentioned that he was struggling for a location on where the two of you should go on your vacation, he asked for some ideas is all,” Connor shrugged, not wanting to reveal the fact that Nines had actually asked Connor outright if he knew of anywhere that had significance to Hank. It just so happened that months ago, Connor had found a photo of a much younger Hank with a few academy pals in San Francisco as a graduation party before they got their first assignments, and thus learned that Hank loved the city. One of his long term regrets was not getting to return and sample all of the changes.

“Sure…” Hank replied suspiciously, not trusting a word out of Connor’s mouth but the RK800 could tell from the lazy smile on Hank’s face that he’d adored his vacation. That and a couple of photos that Nines had sent over in the three weeks that they’d been absent were very telling as to how much Hank had enjoyed himself. In fact, Connor could tell they’d both relished the time away together to be anonymous tourists. With androids now being welcomed in more liberal cities it made life a fair bit easier for his people to travel.

“So, how’s things been here while we’ve been sunning it up? Not too chaotic I hope?” the lieutenant asked through a yawn, to which both androids shared a knowing look.

“Hank, you can always get some rest and we can catch up in the morning,” Connor replied with a fond smile.

The older man waved a dismissive hand. “Pffft, I’m not that tired.”

“Says the man currently slumping on to me and almost nodding off in a very uncomfortable position,” Nines drawled while wrapping an arm around him. “Go on, sleep. As Connor says, we can all talk after you’ve slept a little, it has been a very long day for you.”

“Just cause you guys don’t need to sleep like us weakling humans do, no need to rub our noses in it,” Hank huffed good naturedly. “You want to stay the night, Con? I doubt Sumo’s going to mind having an extra playmate for another night.”

“Oh, I…” Connor paused, wondering on whether he should tell Hank about what had happened in the past two weeks. He hadn’t mentioned to either man about how he was now working with Gavin on a highly taxing case that had been just as draining to him as it was to the human, or that he had since been spending every night at the precinct with him. Connor actually wasn’t sure how Gavin was still functioning when he knew that Gavin was suffering, and he was beginning to see just how far it went.

Gavin was getting weaker every day and it was painful to see. He was careful to only cough into tissues or some other disposable surface and never took off his gloves. After a gentle ask Gavin had told Connor that they were necessary with his condition, which made sense. Anyone with a compromised immune system often took extra precautions to ensure that they did not expose themselves any more than required and Connor could tell that Gavin’s body was in a bad way.

He was still warring with himself as to whether he should scan the man and learn what was actually ailing him, but that brought up another dilemma. Should Connor be that invested in the health of someone who had once killed him?

Then again, there was no doubting that Gavin was not the same man now as the one that Connor had the misfortune of being shot by in cold blood during the revolution. In fact, neither of them were anything like the same. Connor had been a machine then, not alive, and Gavin was much more of an asshole then compared to now. To be perfectly honest with himself, Connor actually liked Gavin’s focused company on the job and his slightly barbed sense of humour.

Had they not possessed such history, Connor wondered as to whether they could have forged a friendship. Was there still a potential to do so now?

It was something to be explored after this case, possibly. Maybe after Gavin’s health improved.

“Sure, I could stay the night,” he smiled after a bit of thought. “Will you be staying up with me, Nines, or resting with Hank? I can keep myself plenty occupied if you’re going to enter stasis for a while.”

Nines thought about it for a moment. “I think I’ll probably join Hank, today was…infuriating. It is irritating that even with all of the advancements in technology, something as fickle as some fog can cause such drama with returning home.”

“Hah, welcome to humanity, babe. Can create a new race in androids but are too scared to fly in a little fog because there’s too much error. What even is the percentage chance of a plane crash in fog nowadays anyway?” Hank sighed while standing.

“There have been no crashes documented in 24 years and 129 days, but there has been less than one thousand flights carried out in similar conditions so it is not a statistically viable comparison with how many millions of flights take place every day,” Nines told him informatively while keeping a straight face. Hank just raised an eyebrow at him; even deadbeat tired he could see the android’s minute tells which gave away he was trying to suppress a smirk. Nines got way too much of a kick out of being a smartass.

Connor rolled his eyes at Nines’ answer and decided to give Hank what he was **actually** asking for. “It’s estimated at 0.56%, Hank, but that is still over a hundred times the risk of a flight crash in non-perilous flying conditions so it is deemed too high,” he elaborated.

That caused Hank to blink. “Shit, flying’s really that safe nowadays? Huh, didn’t know that,” he mused while yawning again and stretching. “You know what, we can pick this up again in a few hours once I’m not feeling like the walking dead.” He turned to look at Nines. “You coming through now or want to catch up with Con for a bit?”

Before Nines could truly ponder an answer Connor jumped in with a knowing smile. “Don’t let me deprive you both of some time together – I’ll even turn off my audio receptors to spare your blushes,” he winked.

Hank went scarlet as Nines smirked. “Fuck’s **sake** , you two androids are as bad as each other at embarrassing the fuck out of me! I’m outta here!” he huffed, stomping through to the bedroom as the twosome left in the living room laughed quietly between themselves.

Once Hank was out of earshot Connor smiled at Nines. “He looks happy and relaxed, I take it the trip went well then?”

“It was indeed a wonderful time, thank you for the tip on where to take him for a vacation,” Nines replied earnestly.

“Don’t thank me for that, I’m just delighted to see you two so happy together. I’m glad that you two got to share in that experience together.” Connor looked towards the bedroom and nodded towards it. “You’d better go before he stews too much on us embarrassing him – but please give me a heads up if you two are actually going to have sex so that I can turn down my audio receptors. I don’t need to hear that.”

Nines smirked at Connor as he walked away. “That’s a risk you are taking in staying here overnight, Connor. Anything you overhear is at your own peril,” the RK900 pointed out snarkily before opening the bedroom door and closing it gently behind him. Connor laughed to himself once the pair were away, looking around the house as he debated what to do with his night. He’d originally been planning to head to the precinct since Gavin was almost always there so early in the mornings now, but when the offer had come up to remain at Hank’s house he’d changed his mind.

Feeling a little guilty at the thought of Gavin working through the night again despite assuring the android that he suffered from regular insomnia now, Connor tapped into the DPD cameras as he sat down on the sofa, wanting to check if Gavin was there before he made his decision on whether to drop in for a while.

After a quick check showed that Gavin was not there, and indeed had not logged on to any of his systems in over 7 hours, Connor disconnected and decided to instead pull out his book and read a little more. Hank and Nines were due into the precinct at 2 and Connor was meant to arrive at 10, so he had a few hours to find some peace before being swallowed back into the intensity of the kidnapping case. Fowler had instructed him to take the night off, so he probably shouldn’t log on – as tempted as he was.

Connor absently hoped that Gavin was finally getting some sleep; the detective really looked like he needed it with the mental strain of their case. Maybe they’d finally catch a break on this new day and give them both some peace of mind.

* * *

Contrary to Connor’s hopes, things were no better when he arrived at the precinct. In fact, his concerns ratcheted up when he spied that Gavin was still absent. He’d approached the Captain to ask if he should check on the wayward detective but Fowler deterred him. After some gentle, but stern, words reminding Connor that Gavin was ill and it wasn’t too out of place for him to take days off sick now, Connor went back to his desk to continue working on their case.

Despite the instructions to leave him be, Connor was still highly tempted to look up Gavin’s address so that he could make sure the man didn’t need anything. Had a young girl’s life not been on the line and two new leads that needed following up ASAP, he would have dropped it for a couple of hours to make a house call.

Gavin hadn’t taken a day off ill for about a month, even if he cut a few shifts short. With how much Connor knew this case meant to him, Gavin not being in and not even logging on from home meant that he was in a truly bad way.

“Con? You okay?”

The android blinked, not having realised that he was getting so lost in his own thoughts, to see Hank and Nines in front of his desk. A quick check of the time showed that they were in 2 hours early. “I’m fine, I was thinking,” he answered softly, to which Hank scowled.

“Must be some pretty deep thoughts, your LED was a solid red. Doesn’t have anything to do with this case that Fowler’s asked me to come in early and help with, does it?” the lieutenant guessed.

“Partially,” Connor confirmed. “I’ll explain everything once the Captain has briefed you. This case is…distressing.”

“Anything with kids usually is, Jeffrey warned me over the phone that it’s a kidnapping.”

“Hank! Nines!” The Captain’s voice boomed over the bullpen and he waved them across. “Hope you two enjoyed your vacation cause you’re back in the middle of a shit storm. We need a catch up, get over here.” Fowler then strode back into his office without a backwards glance, to which the others shared a tense look.

“Well shit, he’s wound up like a spring. This can’t be good.” Hank turned back to Nines and nodded towards the glass office. “C’mon, we’d better see what he wants to tell us. See you in a bit, Connor.”

The RK800 watched the pair leave and busied himself with some more research for the two new tips that they’d received overnight. He’d spent far too long that morning wondering about Gavin idly and he couldn’t afford to let it distract him from the case. Only ten minutes later Tina wandered into the precinct, looking particularly tense and mildly upset.

Connor had a vague suspicion as to what might have caused such a reaction when he noticed Nines leave the Captain’s office, Hank remaining behind as the other two men continued talking. As tempted as he was to approach Tina, Connor had to put his personal priorities aside for the moment to find out how the meeting went. “What did the Captain say?”

Nines came to a stop next to Connor’s terminal and interfaced with it. “Gave a very brief rundown of what has happened in our absence and asked if I could approach Markus regarding several cases, apparently several have android ties,” the RK900 replied absently. After a quick look around to confirm that Hank was still busy, the android pulled a photo frame out from his coat and placed it on Hank’s desk, to which Connor smiled.

It wasn’t anything that special, but it was a moment that Hank surely wouldn’t have actively realised existed. The image was a still from Nines’ optical units which showed them in front of a music store on their vacation, Hank looking down at something in the window with a slight upturn of his mouth with Nines as smiling at the reflection he’d spied. Both of them had their arms wrapped loosely around the other’s waist and were pressed close, leaving no illusion as to their closeness.

A dull ache resounded through Connor at seeing the intimacy between them showing in such a simple and gentle way. While he was perfectly content in his life – he had a job he loved, close friends, his own home and was contemplating whether to adopt a dog given how much he missed Sumo – right there showed something that he was missing. He hadn’t given it any real thought as to whether he’d want a romantic relationship or not, but seeing the bond between Hank and Nines blossoming, and with it helping them grow into themselves more…he couldn’t help but wonder if he was missing out on something.

Part of him could understand the human compulsion around soulmates at that moment. If a soulmate brought with them that peace and belonging he’d be more than willing to learn what it entailed.

“It’s a beautiful image, Nines,” Connor told the other android, noticing how Nines was smiling fondly at the image himself.

“Neither Hank nor I are one for grand, public displays of affection but there was just something about this moment that resonated with me,” Nines replied warmly. “If he doesn’t wish to keep the photograph can you please let me know and I’ll keep it on my desk instead?”

“You and Hank might protest it but you’re both sentimental people, I know he’ll love it.” Connor noticed Tina alone in the break room and his impatience finally got the better of him. Giving his friend a brief touch on the arm, Connor left him to it as he sought out the female police officer. Making sure not to startle her, Connor kept a little distance as he called out. “Tina?”

Not expecting anyone to bother her in her current state, Tina’s mind hadn’t caught up with the fact that it was Connor who’d been saying her name. “Oh, hey, Connor. Need the coffee machine? I can clear out of your way,” she offered before the android closed the gap.

“No, thank you, Tina. I just wanted to make sure that you’re well? You seem upset this morning,” the android said gently, to which Tina laughed hollowly.

“Never been good at masking my emotions outside of an interrogation, can’t be assed with the bullshitting,” she joked which adding some extra sugar to her coffee. “I’ll be fine, I’m just having a rough day.”

Before he could change his mind, Connor decided it was best to just be direct with her. “Is this anything to do with Gavin’s absence? I can imagine you’re worried about him.”

Tina spun around to Connor with wide eyes. “How much do you know about what’s wrong with Gavin?” she asked through a whisper, wondering if they’d talked during all of the nights that Tina now knew they spent working together on the case. Gavin had told her that he’d been seeing a lot more of Connor since he’d been in the precinct more overnight.

“Nothing, unfortunately, only the symptoms that I have seen. There is clearly something vicious at work in Gavin’s lungs and immune system, which is having potentially severe long-term effects on him, and that he suffers from insomnia but that is not enough to narrow down his ailment. I would have scanned him but given how private Gavin is being concerning his condition, I didn’t think he would appreciate it,” Connor responded honestly

Part of Tina was glad that Connor was being conscious of Gavin’s privacy as she knew he’d throw a fit if the android knew he was dying…but a larger part of her wished Connor had scanned him so that she could know how long Gavin had left. He was definitely getting weaker and what she’d seen this morning had been tough to bear. “Yeah, Gav’s always kept things close to his chest, that’s just who he is,” she sighed. “Always one to tough it out alone and not burden anyone else if he can avoid it.

“I…look, Connor, if Gavin hasn’t said to you what’s going on then I can’t in any good conscience share,” she said apologetically, “but you called it. I’m really fucking worried about him. I’ve been scared for weeks that he’s pushing himself too hard and not giving himself the time he needs, but he’s as stubborn as they come. Then this case came up and he just wouldn’t fucking stop…I just don’t know how easy it’ll be for him to bounce back from this one.”

Connor’s face contorted in slight guilt, wondering if he’d been unintentionally aiding in Gavin’s self-destructive habits by assisting through the night when the sound of Fowler’s office door opening loudly echoed through the bullpen. It caused a few people to jump as both he and Hank appeared from the room, looking severe.

“We’re having a staff meeting to discuss assignments for the week in ten minutes,” Fowler’s voice boomed. “Get yourselves to a suitable point to pause and head up to meeting room B, with various people off sick in the bullpen we need to redeploy our teams. Take down details of any cases that you think are essential and that you can’t be swapped from before the meeting or you’ll be deemed free to be reassigned. Ten minute, meeting room B. Let’s get to it, people.”

Suddenly the floor was a hive of activity, to which Connor and Tina shared a look. “I doubt we’ll be shifting off the kidnapping case but I’d better get some details. I’ll catch you later, Connor,” she said morosely. After only two steps though she turned back to him and gave the android a soft smile. “Thanks for checking up on me, I appreciate it. It’s nice to know that someone else is worried about him too.”

Unsure of how to respond to that, Connor gave her a small nod before Tina left. It was only then that Connor spied Hank and Nines in what looked to be a reasonably intense conversation on the other side of the room. Curious as to what was causing it, Connor was too slow in crossing over and only reached them as Nines marched out of the front door, looking determined.

“What happened?” Connor asked in concern.

“Told him that I’m taking over the kidnapping case from Reed since he’s out of action, Nines reckons that Jericho might be able to help with finding the kid. You and Gavin mentioned in your reports that you felt there was something off about the case, both Nines and I got that same feeling in Fowler’s office. He’s got a hunch that an android’s involved somehow so he’s going to do some legwork,” Hank explained.

“That looked like more than just a determination to see this case solved,” Connor pointed out, to which Hank shrugged.

“You and me both, but Nines is his own man and technically he’s a part of Jericho, not us. If he’s got an idea on what to do then we can’t stop him.” The older man sighed and went around to log in to his terminal before spying the photograph on his desk, to which he chuckled at the image fondly. “Sap…” he said warmly while shifting the frame across so that it was in more prominent view.

Connor followed Hank’s example and gathered up all he needed before their staff meeting, but a part of him couldn’t help wondering about what was running through Nines’ head. It was definitely something…

He resigned himself to the reality that he’d find out eventually, if he was meant to.

* * *

The last thing Gavin had expected that day was another visitor to come by his home.

It had already been bad enough when Tina left herself in with her spare key that morning: only to find Gavin in a sweaty pile on the bathroom floor, too exhausted from an hours long purging session to find the energy to make it back to the bed. He’d been shivering despite the few towels that he’d managed grasp from a shelf and curl under against the tiled floor, catching ten to fifteen minute snatches of relief before he was heaving up his decaying body all over again.

No surprise that the black roadmap on his arm had climbed dramatically higher overnight. Whereas before it had been mostly concentrated around his armpit, now it had ascended to cover much of his shoulder and was creeping towards his collarbone. It was a a big shift and explained why he was suddenly in such a poorly way overnight.

Tina’s heart had broken as she saw how much pain he was in, shaking and almost delirious from it when he could barely catch a break between each heave on his already crippled body. At one point he remember begging for it to stop through tears of agony, which had finally set her off too. After that it had been too much and Gavin pleaded with her to leave, not wanting her to see how bad this spell was going to be.

When this had started at 8pm the previous night he’d not really thought much of it, he was used to purging his dying organs and the moments heaving itself wasn’t any more painful than normal – the sheer volume of how often it was happening, however, was completely obliterating what was left of his strength.

More knocks came to the door, insistent, and Gavin reluctantly pulled himself up from the sofa to at the very least tell the person to fuck off. Maybe then he could be left to his misery in peace again.

Looking through the peephole caused Gavin to stare in suspicion before he opened the door with a gently shaking hand, his blackened one craftily hidden within the front pocket of his hoodie. “The fuck are you doing here, Nines?” he snapped weakly. “Didn’t you get the memo that I’m off sick?”

The android’s eyes were resolute however and he looked towards the interior of the apartment. “May I come in, Gavin? I’m here to help,” Nines replied, to which Gavin chuckled harshly.

“Whatever the fuck you think you’re here for, you’re gonna be sorely disappointed, tin can,” he sneered, halfway to closing the door when Nines held out a hand to stop it. Just as he was about to get truly angry with the android, all of his veins turned to ice at Nines’ next words.

“Gavin, I know.”

Beyond confused and suddenly feeling very vulnerable, Gavin sprang away from the door before his mind caught up with him. Nines had the same hardware as Connor, since he technically an upgraded version of the detective android, which meant that he had scanners. No doubt Nines had scanned him rather than being told, but now Gavin was scared for who **else** knew.

“I came here alone, no-one knows that I am here or that I am aware,” the RK900 assured; as if he was a fucking mind reader. “Like I say, I’m here to assist. May I enter?”

Against every instinct which was screaming for Gavin to slam the door closed so that he could wallow in his oncoming doom…the lonelier part of him was desperate to not hide the burden of his death sentence for a while.

Stepping aside, he let Nines in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I know this one ends in a shitty place! 
> 
> I promise to make it all up to you in the next chapter.
> 
> <3


	6. Hiding In Plain Sight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for the Gavin&Nines convo! This is not going to go how any of you expect I imagine, and there's a few truths in here that might answer some questions that have been cropping up in the comments. 
> 
> **Trigger warning** : This chapter gets nasty with describing some of the effects of Gavin's Withering in detail, as well as having musings on suicide. Please be aware if this affects you for this chapter!

In a way, it was easier that the person with him that day was Nines.

With Tina it had been an added layer of emotional agony on top of the physical and mental: something that he been making Gavin half-contemplate the merits of just opening his window so that he could tip out of it. Whether he would have possessed the strength to get the glass open enough to even make ending it all an option was another thing entirely, but there was no need to masquerade just how severe things were. This was definitely among the top three for excruciating days since Gavin had started to Wither.

And Nines just…went with it, weirdly.

The android hadn’t batted an eyelid, he just helped with tidying up various items around the house. Part of Gavin wanted to be ashamed at how many towels and other fabrics Nines ended up gathering with his expulsions all over them (he’d not always found the strength to move and get to the bathroom). Another, much larger part, was suspicious.

Why would Nines be here unless someone sent him? They didn’t really interact at the precinct beyond if Gavin needed information for a case that Nines could get from Jericho, or on the rare occasions that Nines was brought in to advise on a case. He might never have been officially recognised as an investigative unit but Nines had all of Connor’s basic capabilities – in other words, he was another walking, talking analysis lab. Time saved from having a second person capable of generating a few shortcuts was often invaluable.

Though, Gavin had to admit that Nines wasn’t half bad. He’d been wary of the imposing android to begin with but it didn’t take long to work out that Nines was actually in the same boat himself with his new colleagues at the precinct. Nines might look like he’d snap someone in two if they pissed him off enough but it was very much a front, one that Nines liked to hide behind.

Now, seeing a glimpse of who lurked beneath (even if Nines hadn’t said so much as a word since being let in), Gavin could understand a fair bit more about him. Actions spoke a thousand words after all and the way the android helped to make Gavin’s apartment look less like a dying man’s hovel, instead giving it a brighter if lived in appeal made the surroundings appealing.

Or at least, it didn’t look like a projection of Gavin’s internal struggles anymore.

It was only after 9pm had come and gone that Gavin was able to finally attempt something other than delirious dozing or heaving. The pain had started to ease too, which was giving him a surreal second wind despite having now been alert for god knows how long. He was going to crash **hard** once it was over but at least the worst seemed to have now passed.

Emerging from his bedroom, Gavin blinked slightly at seeing Nines sat on his sofa and… “Nines, you like puzzle books? I would have thought they’d be too simple for you,” he noticed with amusement. No doubt the android had noticed his stack of various number and word puzzle books while cleaning up. Gavin didn’t mind that Nines had given them a go, if anything it didn’t look quite so bad that Gavin had **that** many unfinished now.

Nines quirked an eyebrow before turning his attention back to the puzzle in front of him. “Actually, this is a two-fold exercise,” the android explained. “When I turn off my analysis functions and leave only my basic intelligence protocols active it does become a challenge, but I am also testing my imaginative capabilities.”

Gavin stared at the android curiously for a second before going through to the kitchen to pour himself a cup of herbal tea. He needed something that was not a bitter taste in his mouth for the first time in over a day. “I didn’t think androids had imaginations? Something about the fact that you guys don’t have organic brains if I remember right?”

The RK900 turned to look at Gavin, vaguely impressed. “Someone’s being doing some research,” Nines commented, to which Gavin looked away.

“I’ve got a lot of time at night,” he huffed while filling the kettle, not wanting to give away too much as to **why** he’d been looking it all up. Nines didn’t need to know why Gavin was lurking around the net and trying to find ways that could possible involve androids learning how to dream, why he was so invested in the possibility of that update.

After a just long enough pause to make Gavin start sweating about whether Nines was scanning him for any tells again, the android went on. “After it was discovered that androids, or at least some, have souls and the upgrade to dream was discussed, the point was raised early that dreaming might not be possible without an imagination. I’ve been involved in part of the trial to see whether it is something that all androids are indeed capable of, or if it something that only a select few like Markus have the ability of.”

Seemed like a fair argument, all human dreams beyond those of their Garden were purely down to a human’s imagination after all. It was a coping mechanism with thought and emotional processes so he could see why that might be a problem for the update. “Find anything interesting?”

“Yes. It seems that we all possess at least some mental aptitude for imagination, though the degrees vary considerably. There is no correlation between ages and model series however, it seems to be entirely random. That was something we had not expected in our research,” Nines stated while focusing hard on a Link-a-Pix puzzle that had him stumped.

Smirking lightly at seeing the world’s most advanced android be frustrated by a visual puzzle, Gavin came across and took some slight sympathy on Nines. He made two very quick moves that helped a little with the myriad of numbers on the page which would leave the android with less options. When Nines looked at him in bemusement, Gavin shrugged. “Trust me, I’ve been doing these things for years. You learn a few tricks and patterns when you know how the creator of these things thinks.”

He then zoomed out to look at what Nines had managed to generate of the image so far and smiled as he realised what it was. “Any idea what the picture’s meant to be yet?” he asked, to which Nines scowled.

“Isn’t the purpose of the puzzle to match the numbers to show an image at the end?” Nines questioned, to which Gavin shrugged.

“Yeah, but you’re testing your imagination, right? Take a look at what you can see there, surely you can at least see **something.** If my lizard brain can then surely yours can too.”

Nines regarded Gavin coolly before turning back to the screen, his LED spinning lazily as he tried to work of what Gavin could be seeing in the collection of pixels and gaps. As the human went back through to the kitchen and finished his tea, Gavin had to pause to let out another mini purge. It was still very painful but nowhere near as crippling as it had been before. At least now it was a single heave and gone, even if Gavin was wondering how he could possibly still be dragging up his decaying organs.

What could be left after so much had already been expelled? It was a chilling thought.

After he was done and had gulped down a mouthful of tea, he saw Nines’ LED flicker from yellow to blue. “An umbrella,” the android decided. “A girl with an umbrella in the rain.”

That caused Gavin to chuckle and he wandered back through to the living room, taking a seat opposite Nines on the coffee table. “Wow, you even gave it a backstory. I was thinking umbrella for a beach party but it seems we’re both going for a water theme. Wonder who’s right,” the detective mused. Nines then set the tablet down, which made Gavin eye him suspiciously. “Bored?”

“No, I simply believe the right time has come to discuss why I am actually here, Gavin.” That caused the dying man to freeze slightly, having known it was too good to be true that it was for Nines to be here simply to keep him company.

“Great, fan-fucking-tastic. Go on then, what news am I being passed from the precinct? Fowler benched me permanently or something?” he huffed but the android simply shook his head.

“Not at all, but I am here for a specific reason.” Nines then pulled out what looked like a pair of very fine white gloves from his back pocket and held them out to Gavin. “Please try these on.”

Gavin eyed them like a deadly snake. “What the fuck are those?”

“A prototype that Jericho has been developing in concert with a human research centre dedicated to Withering remedies. This is nothing that will help with your ailments or pain, but it might help with something else,” the android explained. Gavin was still suspicious but he took the gloves as requested, slipping them on to first his decayed hand before moving to his good one.

His breath then caught as he felt a strange thrum via the fabric as they faintly lit up. “Nines, what the fuck is going on?” he asked quietly, but then all the breath was chased from his lungs as he saw the white appearance of the gloves shift away, fizzling away to give the illusion of skin. **His** skin. Almost on the verge of hyperventilating at suddenly seeing something that had been lost for a while now, Nines explained before Gavin truly lost it.

“They’re based off android synthskin,” he started, turning the gloves over to show Gavin the critical points of their workings. “Heat powered. They analyse the make-up of your skin textures and the pigments of your unaffected hand before translating the data over to your decayed limb. The synthskin is then generated over the length of the gloves to give the image of your own hands, based off the one that is un-Withered.

“This is a prototype technology so there are a lot of things that require working and tuning, but I convinced Markus to allow me to test these while I was at Jericho earlier,” he went on, noticing how Gavin couldn’t tear his eyes away from the gloves. “I promised to relay the results of the technology since I knew of a human who would be willing to test them out, on the condition of complete anonymity. No-one knows that you possess these, Gavin, but if I am to be allowed to let you keep them I must report back how they perform to Jericho, that is non-negotiable I am afraid.”

Gavin was too busy staring in wonder down at the vision in front of him. He’d grown so used to just seeing the blackened and dead limb on his left arm that seeing skin and **life** there now was completely bizarre, even if he knew it was false. “Why did you guys come up with these things?” he asked, dumbfounded.

Nines’ eyes shadowed slightly. “Since the incident with Harriet, Jericho has been helping with a lot of Withering research. Once it came to light that androids have soulmates and could have caused considerable harm unintentionally, we’ve been looking at ways to not only identify those that do, but also to hopefully make things easier in working through any suffering caused. The gloves are one of the attempts to make amends.”

Gavin’s eyes shadowed a little as he flexed his hands in the gloves, amazed at the feeling of them. It was incredible how well they moulded to his hand, it was almost like latex without the slight powdery sensation against his skin. It was incredibly gentle. “Well, for a first attempt, these things are fucking impressive.” He then looked to where they ended, just above his wrists.

“Quite the contrast right there,” he scoffed, seeing where the supposedly healthy skin just ended and the reality seeped back through.

“They’re designed for a measure of anonymity while maintaining subtlety. The gloves will work with the hem of long sleeves and are slim enough that if someone were to grasp your hand it would not be obvious, the only true tell would be if the synthskin fades.”

“What can cause that?” Gavin wondered, still a little wary of using these if he could be accidentally outed.

“Thus far the only known instances are glitches in the technology. The other time in theory is if you remove the secondary hand – unfortunately the gloves need the data from a healthy limb to generate the image and enough power to maintain it. Most of the power circuits are in the right hand since we needed to build the holo-generators into the left hand,” Nines explained.

“Honestly, if that’s all that is wrong with these things then I’ll easy give them a shot,” Gavin decided. “Thanks, Nines. I…I really appreciate you giving me these. I’ll make sure they get back to you before I’m gone.”

Something flickered in Nines’ eyes at the flippancy of Gavin’s statement. “Don’t worry about that, Gavin, we can worry about those arrangements when the time comes.” He then paused, wondering how he could phrase his next question delicately. “I feel we bear the burden of this, in a way, since I’m sure an android caused your situation.”

Again, Gavin froze and wondered just how Nines knew **so much.** “How…?”

“Harriet. When we were watching her interrogation I saw how you looked at your gloved hand. It wasn’t too much of an extrapolation from seeing that, and the expression on your face, to work out what transpired in the lead up to your Withering. I have not informed anyone else of your condition since seemingly no-one else at the precinct is aware, but I wanted to see if I could ease the burden slightly.”

Gavin was…moved. Honest to god **moved** that Nines had cared enough to not only keep his secret, but also help him in coping with his oncoming death. That wasn’t what he’d expected at all from someone that was a veritable stranger in the grand scheme of things. “Funny how an android is so good at helping a human cope with Withering, when you guys are immune,” he scoffed, to which Nines’ expression tightened.

“That’s not technically true…”

Floored once again, Gavin looked at the android in surprise. “What?”

“It turns out that android can suffer from their own version of Withering. Physically it is not so gruesome but the mental strain is just as great.” Nines interfaced with a tablet that he pulled from his back pocket and showed it to Gavin after bringing up a series of technical readouts. “Technically, I shouldn’t be showing you this as I’ve not been authorised by Markus to share this with the DPD but I trust that you would not be sharing this with anyone, as someone who understands the impact side intimately.

“Androids who are Withering don’t suffer from Decay in the same way that humans do, as we do not possess live organs. The only thing that is dynamic and living about us is our code. It is ever evolving and developing with deviancy, which is what allows us to live. The Withering causes sections of that code to…vanish. Disappear without a trace.”

“Your code just deletes itself?” Gavin asked in surprise.

“Yes, but the changes are so subtle that it takes some time for an android even realise that it is happening. Unless an android is in the habit of peeling back their synthskin and analysing their chassis they would not see a Withering mark, as it bonds to our plasteel frame. As a result we were not aware that such a thing was transpiring until several androids came to us with symptoms. Much like with humans, there is no cure. Even attempting to re-write the code only works for a time, just as a transplant would only stall your end. The system failure is truly catastrophic.”

That cause the detective to sit back and take it all in, unsure of what to do with that knowledge. Androids could Wither too then? That…didn’t make him feel much better. They didn’t suffer the same physical strain but he could only wonder what that would do that an android’s mentality: to which something then occurred to him. “Is an android aware of what’s happening to them, or is it like dementia in humans? They know that something’s wrong but just can’t stop it?”

“Actually, that is a very accurate analogy. Androids can run a specific diagnostic on only their code and it will show all of the segments missing, but it will not reveal a potential fix or cause. Even viewing the results in the early studies was alarming. Most androids cannot take the knowledge that they are slowly ceasing to be and self-destruct. We are not as resilient as humans when it comes to stress, especially with mortality issues. When most androids can be repaired, learning that there is something which is an irreversible death sentence is quite a shock to the system.”

Yeah…Gavin could understand that well. He’d been contemplating it for a bit earlier that day so he wasn’t going to judge any androids that wanted to end it all on their own terms. “I take it you guys aren’t going to sit on this knowledge forever?”

Nines shook his head. “Markus is planning a press release next week regarding the progress of the dream update, as well as sharing publicly what we’ve confirmed about androids with relation to soulmates. Rumours have been spreading for a while that they are part of the cycle given the sudden spike in Withering cases but nothing has been verified. The backlash is expected to be significant.”

“Fuck, that’s gonna be a mess. Good luck with it,” Gavin replied earnestly.

The android gave a slight smile in reply. “Fortunately I’m in a good position for whatever fallout arises, but Jericho is preparing for a difficult time in the near future. Regardless of the outcome we’ll adapt and move forward.” Seeing that the conversation had struck an odd chord with Gavin, Nines gave the human a nod and stood. “I should be taking my leave, Gavin. Hank has been messaging me for some time as to why I have not returned and I don’t want to lie to him much longer.”

“Oh.” Gavin’s cheeks flushed a little at how blatantly Nines admitted to lying about where he’d been. He felt kinda bad that the android was hiding that from a partner that it was already evident he was serious with. Had it been anyone else, Gavin wouldn’t have really cared much if Nines shared with his other half but it was **Hank** , who was close as shit to Connor, the reason that he was dying.

Then again, Anderson kept plenty of secrets as part of his job…

“Nines.” The android regarded Gavin curiously at his unsure tone. “Do you think Hank would keep his trap shut if you told him the truth? And I mean sharing with **no-one**.”

Understanding the reticence, Nines nodded. “I believe that Hank would, were the importance pressed to him of the need for secrecy – and Hank actually suspects that you’re terminally ill already, he just hasn’t put it together as Withering.”

Weirdly, that kind of made Gavin feel better. If people were already expecting him to just not turn up again one day then it wouldn’t be so much of a shock when it happened. “You shouldn’t be lying to him if you think he’s trustworthy,” was all Gavin said on the matter, to which Nines’ eyes softened at the permission.

“Thank you, Gavin, I appreciate that.” The android’s eyes drifted to the tablet of puzzles still on the sofa, at which he flushed slightly when Gavin twigged and laughed.

“For fuck’s sake, tin can, if you want to take it with you go ahead. God knows you’ve done a shit ton for me today, the least I can do is let you steal a shitty puzzle book,” the detective pointed out, to which Nines nodded and retrieved the second tablet. As he was about to leave, however, Gavin wondered about something and threw caution to the wind. “Hey, Nines?”

When the android turned around again, Gavin swallowed hard. “I thought I didn’t have a soulmate for years and I know Hank thought he didn’t too. Are you two…?”

Nines shook his head. “No, he still does not dream and so far as I am aware, I do not possess one either. Regardless of whether it turns out I do, however, I’ve already come to the conclusion that it will not impact our relationship. Soulmates need only be companions in life, not necessarily romantic ones.”

“And if that’s not what they want? Rejection’s a tricky business, Nines, you saw that with Harriet and I’m sure you’ve worked out I’m in the same boat.” The RK900’s expression was tellingly blank. “Just…I hope you don’t have to find out. For the record, soulmates fucking suck.”

A small laugh rose from the android. “Some, perhaps, but not all. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry that yours turned out to be such a disappointment.”

With that the android left Gavin alone, that last statement rolling through the detective’s mind.

_Guess that confirms Nines has no idea who my soulmate is, I doubt he’d say the same thing knowing it’s Connor. Why the fuck does our world have to be such a goddamn mess that people’s happiness is ruled around a few words spoken by the right or wrong person?_

Gavin’s phone rang from where it was sitting on the dining table and he sighed before going over to look at the caller, only to snatch his hand back in shock before he could pick up.

**_Connor (Dipshit)_ **

_Fuck, is he psychic or something? What crazy timing is that?_

Realising that the phone was still ringing, Gavin shook himself back to awareness before answering. “Connor?”

 ** _“Oh, hi Gavin. I wasn’t expecting you to answer given that Tina said you were very poorly this morning, I was just going to leave a message. How are you?”_** the android replied earnestly, to which Gavin couldn’t stop himself from smiling.

“Just fuckin’ peachy, hence why I’m off sick,” he joked, appreciating when he got a small laugh out of Connor in return. “Not too bored without me livening up the place, are you?”

 ** _“Well, the air is still as full of expletives thanks to Hank so we’re not lacking in that, but he’s not quite ‘expressive’ as you,”_** Connor said teasingly, to which Gavin snorted.

“Awww, the dipshit’s missing my more varied swearing. Good to know I can still put that beardy cunt to shame any day,” he smirked.

“ ** _Gavin!”_** Connor shouted, scandalised.

“Oh come on, you asked for that one, Con!” he snickered, enjoying the way that Connor too laughed on the end of the phone. Fuck, that laugh was nice.

**_“Well I’m relieved to hear that despite feeling poorly, you are still as feisty as ever.”_ **

“Can’t keep a bitch this stubborn down for long.” The amusement died inside Gavin rapidly as he looked down at the gloves which were still hiding his hands, the contrast driving home that no matter how much he tried to hide from the truth, there was still a ticking clock over his head. Should he really be enjoying a conversation so much with the man that had caused it?

_Fuck that noise, I decided a long time ago that I wouldn’t punish Connor for something that I’ve earned and I’m not going to change that now._

**_“Gavin, are you all right? You’ve gone quiet and your breathing has changed.”_** The detective smiled resignedly at the change in Connor’s tone and chuckled.

“Can’t get anything past you can I, dipshit? I’m fine, still not really recovered that much yet, annoyingly. I’d much rather be out of this shitty apartment.”

**_“In that case I’ll leave you to your recovery. Have a pleasant evening, Gavin.”_ **

“Whoa whoa whoa, not so fast! You called for a reason and I doubt it was just to check up on me, so spill. What were you so keen to share?” The android took so long to respond that Gavin actually pulled the phone away from his ear to check that the line was still connected. “Connor? You there?”

**_“I am, but I shouldn’t be bothering you if you’re unwell-”_ **

“Chill it, supercomputer, I’ve been ill for months. This is just a bad spell is all. Come on, what’s going on?”

Gavin’s attention tunnelled on the android’s reply. “ ** _I know how much this kidnapping case means to you, Gavin, so I wanted you to be the first to know. I think I know what might have happened.”_**


	7. A Gift In Dark Times

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ummmm, yeah I'm as surprised as all of you guys that this chapter is already finished. Once I got started I just couldn't really stop!
> 
> In saying that, this chapter might mess with a few heads as to how this became a case. Without spoiling too much, I will say that if you're not wanting to get into some potentially upsetting topics around death and/or mistaken identity, please skip to the final section.
> 
> I'll be amazed if any of you called this one with the missing child case. Enjoy!

This was really not one of Gavin’s brighter ideas. He’d been hurling his dying body down a toilet or on any other surface for over 24 hours, hadn’t 'slept' or as close as he could get to sleep now, and was now going into the precinct after a single call from Connor?

Surely his brain was a part of the stuff that was decaying and being purged, because that was not a smart thought.

Arriving at the precinct, the reception was left unmanned for the night as it was now gone 11pm and the bullpen was a graveyard. Everyone left was now upstairs, save for the android that Gavin had rushed in to see. Connor looked up from his terminal at hearing the harsh breathing and heavy footsteps, to which he scowled. “Gavin you shouldn’t be here, I said this could wait until morning,” Connor told him sadly to which Gavin shook his head.

The detective came to a stop next to Connor’s terminal and leant over the back of the android’s chair to look at the display. “Connor you’ve seen me fight through this shit for months now, you know that I normally have a bad day and then I’m back to my usual grumpy self.” When the android continued to stare at him, Gavin sighed and gave him a pleading look. “I’m fine, okay? Trust me if I was anything like as bad as this time last night I would **not** be here. Just tell me what you’ve found, please?”

“Officially you’re still on medical leave and Hank’s in charge now,” Connor argued.

“And if you really felt that way, you wouldn’t have called me at near as damn 10 in the evening when you knew that I was off ill.” The two stared at each other tensely for a few seconds before Gavin’s voice got softer. “You were right, Con, this case matters to me and I’m fit enough to be here. If it turns out that I’m going downhill, you can personally drag me back to my shitty apartment, okay? Please, just get me caught up.”

Connor finally relented with a long sigh and interfaced with the terminal, bringing up a picture of their missing child. “That’s our vic, Annabelle Leyland,” Gavin noted as Connor nodded next to him.

“Yes, and this is someone else that you need to see,” the android informed him before bringing up a second image, one that had Gavin’s eyes widening. Same face, almost the same eyes and similar hair colour. Were it not for the high quality resolution of the screen, Gavin would think that he was staring at the same girl all over again.

“What the **fuck**? Does she have a secret twin or something?” he asked in disbelief.

“If only it was as simple as that,” Connor growled while bringing up a case file, but Gavin instantly realised that it was alien to him. It wasn’t a DPD case. “Her name’s Vivienne Munro, she’s a YK500 model that was found outside of Jericho two months ago. She was badly damaged and despite their best efforts, they couldn’t reactivate her.”

Gavin stared at Connor. “How can a YK500 have the same face as a human fucking girl?! When was Vivienne made?”

“13 months and 11 days ago, she was part of a small production line that, it turns out, was based off a human model: Annabelle,” the android replied tersely.

“I thought CyberLife were explicitly forbidden from copying humans when making you guys?” Gavin hissed.

“We both know that CyberLife had no hesitations about ignoring what laws they felt like,” Connor huffed while bringing up Vivienne’s case file. “She was taken by what Jericho believe to be an anti-android militia and left destroyed in front of the main buildings. They believed it was a statement to warn humans from adopting androids.”

“Fuck…those bastards hurt and killed a kid as a political statement? That’s just-” Gavin cut himself off and shook his head to chase away the thoughts. It wasn’t the time to dwell on them. “All right so they killed her, what makes you think this has something to do with Annabelle’s disappearance? She’s human.”

Connor brought up another profile for Gavin to analyse. “This is Vivienne’s mother, Catherine Munro. Aged 49, single, full-time employment. She adopted Vivienne a month after the end of the revolution. After Nines sent over this file among the released copies of crimes from Jericho today, I made the connection with Annabelle’s physical appearance and had a crazy thought.

“Catherine’s been going to intensive grief therapy since Vivienne was found, but the day after Annabelle disappeared she stopped turning up. Not only that, but I looked through a few cameras in the days leading up to the kidnapping and look at this.” Connor’s screen display changed from the three profiles to two different CCTV recordings. One from two days before Annabelle went missing and the other from four days later. “Check the camera on the left,” Connor pointed, directing Gavin to look at a collection of people in the background.

Even though the resolution was less than perfect, he could see the woman doing a double take at the young family walking down the street. She then began to follow them for a few hundred yards until they crossed the street, at which point she backed off. By that point their perp’s face was clear as day, however – Catherine.

It then minimised to show a shopping centre not that far from the family’s home and Connor was following Catherine as she shopped for very specialised items – children’s bedding, toys, children popular foods…items that a single mother who had been grieving for her child for two months would not be buying with a **smile.**

“Son of a bitch…” Gavin whispered.

“I don’t think Catherine actually realises that she has the wrong child,” Connor told him sadly. “From a distance, Annabelle and Vivienne look remarkably similar and in her grief addled mind…”

“Catherine probably thought she’d got her wish come true – she saw her daughter alive and took her back. Hell, she might even have thought that Vivienne was reprogrammed to not recognise her anymore.” Gavin stood up and stared at screen in anguish. “Fuck, what a goddamn mess. I hate cases like these, there’s no right and wrong here.”

Connor regarded him curiously. “You seem very torn here, Gavin. We’ve found a potential location for Annabelle Leyland, we must investigate immediately-”

“Yeah I get that, dipshit, but this is something that’s highly sensitive. You’ve got negotiating protocols in that head of yours, yeah? Surely they’re chomping away right now, saying that this is dangerous as fuck to the kid. What are they telling you is the best approach for this shit?”

After a few seconds’ pause, Connor slumped. “Non-confrontational. Catherine Munro isn’t necessarily a threat, but if she believes that we’re endangering ‘her’ child, she could become one.”

“Exactly. We go in guns blazing then there’s no way to know what an already grieving mother will do if she thinks we’re coming for her back-from-the-dead child. No, we need to think of another way to tackle this. If we tackle this wrong we could put both of them in danger.” Gavin run a hand over his temple, head pounding for a very different reason than what he’d been ready for. This…This was something they didn’t train you for and you always hoped to fuck you’d never be faced with. A perp that was as much a victim as their actual victim.

“Then what do you suggest we do…?”

* * *

The plan was by no means a clever one, but it was one that all parties eventually agreed on. After everyone arrived in the morning (Gavin received a telling look from Fowler and Nines, and the stare Hank gave him was plenty telling as to the fact that Nines had probably shared) they went into a meeting room to discuss what Connor had uncovered. It was distressing to everyone but they all believed it to be a credible angle. They had no way to monitor the house effectively, however, and they all figured that Catherine would be keeping Annabelle inside out of paranoia regarding her safety more than any strict need to hide what she’d done.

Which made this situation all the more messed up. Whatever the result, someone was going to get badly hurt.

Gavin’s plan was to have officers stage an incident at a nearby school with actors planted to make it seem believable when officers went knocking door-to-door. All of the parents were being briefed by the school through the day of what was transpiring, no-one wanting to panic the public unnecessarily. It was a shitty way to do it but they weren’t sure how careful Catherine was being about potentially being watched, so it was agreed that the staging was a crucial step in the build-up.

Their team would be splitting up and tackling most of the street once the school day ended under the guise of asking parents whether they were witness to anything suspect, though Gavin and Connor were assigned Catherine Munro’s house. As Gavin was still the lead on the case (Hank had quickly passed authority back once Gavin was given the clear by Fowler to stay) and Connor was the one who had profiled Catherine, they were going to take the most challenging role.

Keeping Catherine relaxed and unaware enough to fall into their ruse was going to be difficult. Had this occurred months ago Connor would have questioned whether Gavin had the acuity for a task such as this: but the human had shown a remarkable amount of empathy since the Leyland case had started. Hank questioned Connor on whether he was happy to go in with Gavin and the android was surprised at how earnest the answer was - a resounding yes.

The only concern in Connor’s mind was whether Gavin was well enough to be in the field. He’d taken note of the change in the man’s appearance however and it gave him a small amount of hope that maybe Gavin was starting to feel a little better. His full gloves had been replaced by the fingerless versions that had been the first significant change to herald that Gavin was truly unwell. Not only that but Gavin was standing a little taller, as if less conscious surrounding his condition.

Whatever had transpired in that day he was absent, Gavin certainly seemed to be more at peace with himself now. That knowledge made Connor smile to himself privately.

As the day raced towards the operation in the early evening, everyone was briefed on their assignments. Hank had stepped in to take over the logistics of the whole team, leaving Connor and Gavin time to go over various strategies for how the questioning at Catherine’s house could go. With the woman’s state of mind very much up in the air it meant they would have to be pretty free flowing with their tactics, but they needed to be on the same page.

Connor had been pleasantly surprised at Gavin’s answers to various antagonistic and challenging responses that the android fired at him, which led to the android smiling partway through their session. Gavin looked at him strangely, suddenly self-conscious. “What’s the smile for?” he wondered.

“Not for anything untoward, I’m simply pleased at how adaptable you are to confrontation in a situation that calls for maximum calm,” the android admittedly. “You do have somewhat of a reputation for being rash and aggressive.”

Gavin snorted at Connor’s answer. “Okay, fine, I deserved that – but I worked hard at that asshole reputation. Don’t want everyone knowing that I could be a half-decent negotiator when the time calls. That responsibility was not something I was ever prepared to take on board.”

That was fair, Connor himself resented that he was the go-to person for any negotiations. He may be programmed with the skills and continue to be adept post-deviancy, but that didn’t mean it was something he liked. It was certainly a high pressure job. “That’s reasonable, not everyone feels that burden is one they would like to take on. It’s why individuals are normally highly trained for these situations. If you wish, we could bring in a specialist team since this is an extremely sensitive case?”

“Nah, I’m not about to bow out now. I’m sure that you’re right and Catherine has Annabelle, but my gut’s screaming that Catherine is more of a danger to us that the kid. That kind of threat I’m used to and can handle,” Gavin explained with a tight smile. “Question is, are you ready for this? Cases this messy and emotional as fuck to someone who’s been alive as long as I have, let alone you when you’ve only got just shy of a year under your belt.”

Connor blinked at the man in surprise, his LED strobing yellow. Part of him truly hadn’t acknowledged the massive shift in Gavin’s thinking until that moment: hearing the man address him as alive, not to mention being concerned for Connor’s mental and emotional health was…He was not sure what to do with the revelation. It warmed something inside of him, however.

“I will be fine once I’ve had time to think it over,” Connor replied with a nod. “I’m not prepared to analyse it in any great detail now as I’m…unsure how to feel about it. Part of me wants to empathise with Catherine even though she’s kidnapped a child.”

Gavin laughed sadly. “Sounds about right, dipshit. That’s why we’re not gonna be handling this after we’ve got Catherine in custody, it’s just too fucking messy. I’ll happily hand this off to a more qualified team; we just need to get the kid home to her parents.”

An ill-timed coughing fit broke through the moment and Connor stepped back to give Gavin some space, allowing the man to stand from where they were sitting at a table to grab some water and cough into a tissue that he’d pulled out. Connor’s LED strobed red as he saw how much Gavin was wincing and the almost heaves that his body was giving. “Gavin, are you sure that you’re well enough to do this? I don’t want you to put yourself at greater risk of a setback when you seem to be a little better.”

After taking a sip of water and disposing of the evidence as best he could, Gavin raised an eyebrow at Connor. “What makes you think I’m any better?”

“Your gloves have changed back – you had been using full ones before your latest sick leave and you’re now in fingerless ones again. It made me suspect that you were feeling more confident in your condition and perhaps at less risk?”

Oh wow, Connor was surprisingly perceptive. Gavin was suddenly very glad that he’d kept the fingerless ones on when he’d decided to try out the synthskin prototype at the precinct, worried that people would be suspicious of a sudden change back. Connor had actually got 90% of the truth in the change…which meant that Gavin didn’t technically have to lie in his reply.

“Well, you’re not wrong there, Connor,” he smiled slightly. “I’m getting more accepting of it, that’s for sure. I don’t feel like I need to hide so much anymore. It’s…pretty liberating, actually.”

A strange silence rested between them, one that neither of them knew how to break. They were stuck in the limbo of Connor wanting to ask more but not risk Gavin withdrawing, while the detective wondered on whether it would actually be better to come clean to the android. But would that really be fair to only tell Connor half of a truth? There was no way Gavin could tell Connor that **he** was the cause of the Withering, but would it be any better to leave out who was the one to bring about his death sentence when the whole story was inevitably unravelled later?

They were saved from any awkward attempts to get conversation going again when Gavin’s phone rang, Hank’s name appearing on the screen, as Connor’s HUD received a ping of the same incoming conference call. Sharing a determined look, they picked up to go over last details.

Showtime.

* * *

Officers had been working their way down the rest of the street for an hour, going door-to-door for the build-up as the surveillance van rolled up with Hank, Connor and Gavin inside. The older man was readied with a headset and testing our frequencies as Gavin slipping in a tiny earpiece that would allow him to hear, but not respond. That would be Connor’s job should they need to liaise with Hank while in Catherine’s house.

“You two able to hear me all good?” Hank asked through the headset, receiving a nod from Connor as the android continued to test various visual displays on the monitors in the van. Gavin gave a thumbs up after covering his ear, confirming that Hank was loud and clear. “All right, be careful in there. No heroics unless I give you the okay to move – we can’t put Annabelle at any risk if she’s inside. Keep Catherine talking and hopefully she’ll give you something to go off,” the Lieutenant instructed.

“Will you be monitoring the house from the outside as we conduct the interview?” Connor asked as he watched Gavin down a bottle of water, able to see even without his scanners that the detective was nervous.

“Bet your ass we will be. I’ll keep you two posted with anything of note that we see or if any intel flags from the others. Thus far no-one’s come back with anything that we can use, none of the neighbours have seen her out in over a week, but they said that’s unsurprising after the loss of her daughter,” Hank updated them, expression stern.

Gavin tossed away the bottle and zipped up his jacket, finally prepped for going inside. He’d subtly made sure to force his body into a long purge before they left the precinct, that wasn’t something he was willing to deal with when there was so much at stake. “We good to get this show on the road?” With a last nod and good luck wishes from Hank, the pair jumped out of the van and walked down the road, focused on the house a hundred metres or so away.

Their eyes cast across the rest of the officers around casually as they strode up the sidewalk. “Everyone’s tense,” Connor commented, to which Gavin scoffed.

“No shit, there’s a lot riding on this and most beat cops don’t get dragged into pseudo-undercover work. This is probably well outside anything most of these guys have done. A kid’s life is on the line, I don’t blame them for being highly strung,” he replied tersely, to which Connor subtly reached over and grasped Gavin’s left forearm gently.

“This is going to work, Gavin,” he assured, which had the detective momentarily freezing: both at the words and the contact. “We’re going to get her home.”

Gavin wasn’t stupid, he knew what Connor was doing. It was well timed though because he hadn’t realised that he was feeding off the nervous energy and winding himself up as a result. Taking a deep breath, Gavin nodded as he gently pulled his arm out of Connor’s feather light grip. “I know,” was all he said, but Connor gave him a friendly smile in reply. It was all that needed to be said.

Their arrival at the house went remarkably well, Catherine inviting them in without hesitation after Connor announced that they were asking all residents of the area about and shady characters they had seen lately. Both detectives took note of the woman in front of them and it made something in Gavin’s stomach sour. Slight and of a small build, greying hair mixed in with flashed of red and ginger but her eyes were alight and invigorated.

If only those small tell were confirmation enough – he hated having to lay a trap like this for the woman to fall into.

Catherine turned to the pair as they entered the living room. “Can I get either of you two something to drink? I have some thirium if you would like, Detective?” she offered kindly.

“That would be lovely, thank you,” Connor accepted, curious as to whether this was an angle they could pursue in a confession while Gavin unzipped his jacket, a sign to make him appear less threatening to the resident.

“If you’ve got any herbal tea that would be great, otherwise I’ll take some water,” Gavin told her, the woman nodding and vanishing into the kitchen as Connor looked at Gavin strangely.

“Not coffee?” he asked quietly, to which Gavin shrugged.

“Change in tastes with recent events,” was all Gavin offered in explanation as the human started looking around at the photos on the shelves. All of them showed Catherine with what could easily be mistaken for their missing girl…but who the pair of them now knew to be a lost soul.

Eyes dimming sadly, Gavin beckoned Connor across with a nod. The android quickly marched across to see what had caught Gavin’s eye and conducted a quick analysis. “Dust accumulation around these frames and the rest of the shelf indicates that all of these have been replaced in the last three weeks,” Connor informed him quietly.

“Not the sort of thing you’d expect a grieving parent to do – I’d imagine if they’d taken reminders down, they’re not liable to put them back up while still in the sharpest phase of grief,” Gavin added.

 ** _“Damn fuckin’ right they wouldn’t, not for something as traumatic as Catherine went through,”_** Hank confirmed via that audio link. **_“Keep sharp you two, this is definitely not right for a grieving mother.”_**

When Catherine reappeared, the two detectives were once again standing in the middle of the room. “Sorry about that,” she replied kindly. “You’d think that with all of the technology we have nowadays that they’d learn how to make a kettle that can actually boil water quickly. I found some peppermint tea, I hope that’s to your liking, Detective?”

“Great, thank you Ms Munro,” Gavin replied, taking a seat as Connor received the mug of thirium and noted how it was slightly warmed.

“You seem to have experience in androids consuming thirium, Ms Munro. Do you often have android guests?” Connor led with as he remained standing.

“Oh please, call me Catherine,” the woman smiled while taking another seat. “Not at all, my daughter is an android. She likes her thirium slightly warmed, Vivienne says that it alters the texture enough to make it slightly sticky and she likes the sensation.” Connor and Gavin shared a quick look at the warmth in Catherine’s voice – that definitely was not grief.

Gavin set down his tea gently as they started with their practiced routine. “Does your daughter go to the school two streets along?” he began, taking out a tablet for supposed ‘notes’.

“I would send her there if she were welcome, but most schools aren’t receptive to having android students yet,” Catherine sighed. “She spends most of her time learning from the internet. I wish I’d had that ability when I was young, it would have made passing exams a dawdle!” Gavin couldn’t help but chuckle in agreement.

“Have you seen any suspicious characters around the neighbourhood recently, anyone that would cause you alarm if you were out and about with your daughter?” Connor continued.

Catherine looked between them in surprise. “Not at all, our street is very peaceful. I have no concerns about anything, if I did then I wouldn’t have let Vivienne out of my sight.”

“Your daughter’s away right now?” the android asked gently, the human detective pausing as he started typing on the touchpad. While on the outside it looked like he was taking notes for the case, in actuality he was sending a message to Hank to have the rest of the property heat scanned. If Annabelle was hidden anywhere, they’d find her quickly.

“Yes, she’s with some friends down at the harbour – one of her friends’ older brother works down there and had promised to show them around the place. She should be back later on tonight.”

The questioning went on for a few more minutes before Gavin and Connor received confirmation that there **was** another heat source on the property, and that it was situated upstairs in a bedroom. It was time to make their play.

Gavin stood and rubbed his stomach slightly. “Hate to be that person, but I don’t suppose I could use your bathroom, Catherine? Should know by now never to be tacos from a stand.”

As Connor rolled his eyes at the terrible lie, Catherine laughed. “Of course, Detective. First door on the left on the second floor, you can’t miss it.”

With permission to now examine upstairs, Gavin made his way up before noticeable closing the bathroom door. Once that sound had been made as cover, he then proceeded to take a quick snoop around the other rooms with the doors open. Nothing was instantly out of place but he noticed the last bedroom on the right was locked. Crouching down, Gavin tried to look through a crack but couldn’t see anything. He was suddenly cursing that it was him up here and not Connor – the android detective would surely be able to hack the door.

“Hello?” he called out quietly through the hinge, and his heart soared when he received an answer.

 _“Hello?”_ came back from a young voice.

“Hi there, kiddo,” Gavin replied softly. “My name’s Gavin, I’m a cop. What’s your name, sweetie?”

 _“What did the lady downstairs tell you?_ ” was the unsteady answer, to which Gavin grinned. Bingo. He pulled out the tablet and sent a message via the network to the others that he’d made contact with the unidentified heat source.

“She said her daughter’s name is Vivienne, but that’s not your name, is it…? It’s Annabelle, isn’t it?”

When the voice on the other side started crying and begging for Gavin to let her out, he sent another message out to the network.

**_I’ve got Annabelle. She’s safe._ **

* * *

The arrest had been difficult. Catherine fought Connor originally when the android tried to keep her restrained, telling the officers that they’d made a mistake and it was her daughter. When she was screaming for them to look at the photos around the room and say that it wasn’t the same girl, Gavin had to look away.

In Catherine’s mind, she really did think that Annabelle was her lost daughter and he couldn’t blame her for clinging to that in her grief - but that didn’t excuse the kidnapping of someone that she’d clearly identified as human, there had been scattered plates of food around the room once they’d finally released Annabelle.

It was liable that the courts would be lenient given Catherine’s obvious mental trauma but Gavin couldn’t help to feel bad for the woman. There had only been four of that YK series made and Vivienne was the only one left after the revolution – there should have been no reason for this situation to arise when no other android existed that could be mistaken for her dead daughter. For it to be because CyberLife fucked up can copied a human girl too closely…

The whole thing sucked ass.

Still, when he saw Annabelle’s parents arrive in a squad car and be reunited with their daughter, it made him smile. They’d found their missing child and she was going home unharmed; Catherine had been taking very good care of her, just as they’d suspected. While a little scared mentally Annabelle should recover nicely with the right counselling.

He was debriefing with Hank and Connor nearby when Gavin saw Annabelle looking around, and once her eyes locked with his the detective saw the child run over. Excusing himself, Gavin bent down so that they were more at eye level and gave her a warm smile. “Hey kiddo,” he greeted. “Ready to go home?”

“Uh-huh, but I wanted to give you this first,” she said sweetly, to which Gavin was stunned when Annabelle passed across a soft brown rabbit which was in a cream dress. “My mom said that policemen sometimes get gifts as a thank you, and she said she wanted to give you something. I liked the idea, so I wanted to give you this!”

Gavin was stunned and stared at the rabbit for a few seconds before staring at the child again. “Do you really want to give this to me? All I did was get you out of that house, honey, you don’t need to share your toy with me as a thank you for that.”

“My parents said they recognised your name, that you’d been telling them about what you were doing to look for me.” Gavin smiled a little at the recognition as Annabelle’s face lit up. “You rescued me! So I wanted to do something like the princesses did in the fairy tales and give the knight a prize.”

Now Gavin laughed in earnest and he shook his head fondly. “Aw hell…after that there’s no way I could say no to this. In that case, I accept; though you know I would have just taken a hug.” Before Gavin could blink, Annabelle ran forward and wrapped herself around him, to which the detective gave her a brief cuddle.

“Thank you for finding me, detective. That lady didn’t hurt me, she was just lonely. I saw photos of who she called me, and I think she thought I was someone else. Can you help find her daughter too?”

Heart tearing open a little, Gavin gave Annabelle a slightly wobbly smile. “Yeah, we’ll make sure she gets some answers, I promise.” With that Annabelle ran back to her parents, leaving Gavin to stand with the toy and so many unresolved feelings that he didn’t know where to start.

He didn’t know how long he’s been standing there when he felt another presence next to him. After having been around the android so much recently, Gavin could already tell it was Connor without him saying a word. “That was very generous of her to gift you her rabbit,” Connor noted. “Children are known to be possessive of their belongings.”

“Yeah, caught me off guard too,” Gavin said roughly before holding the toy out to Connor. At the android’s confused expression, Gavin grasped Connor’s wrist so that he could pass it across. “Here, this belongs to you.”

“What? Gavin, Annabelle Leyland gave this to you as a thank you, you should not simply discard it so willingly,” Connor argued, to which Gavin laughed.

“I’m not getting rid of it, dipshit, I’m giving it to the person it was meant for.” Connor’s LED rapidly went to red as Gavin explained. “Annabelle gave this to me because she thinks that I’m the one who found her, but you’re the one that put this all together. You solved the case and are the reason that kid’s going home with her parents tonight. Trust me, Connor, you’re the one that should be keeping this.”

“Gavin…you worked tirelessly on this case for weeks, you weren’t willing to stop until she was found. It was a team effort.”

“Maybe, but how long would it have taken without you making that connection? No-one else would have even **thought** to look for a crazy link like that.” Gavin let go of the stuffed rabbit and smiled at the android. “You deserve this, Connor. Please, take it and show it off however you like. This is your triumph.”

Before Connor could argue otherwise, Gavin slipped away into the craziness of the scene clean up. Still stunned, Connor looked down at the rabbit in his hands and examined it carefully, unsure of how to process the emotions with Gavin having been so willing to pass all of the credit to him.

He was moved that the detective credited him so much…but also concerned as to why Gavin valued his own input so little.

_Gavin, what is **really** going on with you?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops? 😇


	8. Rewrite The Script

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, I hate being back to working full time. It means I've got less time to work on each of these updates! Sorry for this taking a little longer - I'm aiming to get two updates up a week but it might just be one a week depending on how work goes. Sitting in front of a computer for 8-9 hours before I even start writing means that my concentration doesn't last as long after I'm finished haha.
> 
> So, the more observant ones among you might notice that there's now a final chapter number! I think this is right, but there might end up being a sneaky extra one creep in depending on how long these chapters end up getting. This story is continuing to evolve in ways I didn't expect with the character relationships, so it might creep a little higher.

After months of practice, Gavin was somewhat adept at meditation now. He hadn’t done it for several weeks during the kidnapping case, choosing to use the extra time offered by his condition to find a way to save their victim, but now that things had calmed down again he was trying to get back into a routine.

If nothing else, the meditation allowed him several hours free of boredom – he’d never have believed that being awake constantly would allow him to be **bored** – but it also gave his body a chance to relax. He didn’t often suffer from expulsions while meditating and it allowed him to process some of his whirling thoughts.

While not dreaming, Gavin found himself visualising his thinking in an effort to process it. It was something closer to day-dreaming since he was wide awake, but the vividness of the feelings and the phantom sensation of touch were so real…Honestly, he wasn’t sure if he’d found some weird space between standard dreaming and vivid projecting.

Which was why his ‘dreams’ of recent times were causing him so much confusion outside of meditation.

For the past four nights when he’d gone into meditation, he’d found himself imagining scenarios with Connor. To start with it had been almost a reliving of the more open moments he’d shared with the android while they worked together, but then they’d evolved somewhat. Much to Gavin’s astonishment, every instance his mind had conjured up end with the two of them sharing a kiss – sometimes he’d started it and other times Connor had.

There was no logical reason for him to be thinking **that.** Sure, he and Connor were getting on much better after their case and the android was returning his attempts to be more friendly after its resolution; but there was no reason for Gavin to be imagining Connor in a romantic scenario.

 _I’m going fucking nuts_ , he eventually decided. Maybe his mind was finally stretched too thin after months of Withering.

After that night’s meditation had gone exactly the same way, Gavin giving up with a groan after his mind had decided to give him another sample of how things could have gone differently one of the many nights they were in the precinct alone together, he stood up from where he’d been resting on his bed to head through to his living room. There was only another two hours before he could go to the precinct without arousing too much suspicion for him being so early, which left him time to pick up more of his new hobby.

Calligraphy wasn’t something he’d ever given much thought to before but amongst his – many, varied and downright weird – thoughts over the past four and a half months, something that had stood out to him was whether to leave notes for everyone after he was gone.

Gavin didn’t really have anyone in his life bar the people at the precinct: socialising had never been high on his list of activities so he wasn’t one to really go out, unless with Tina, and most of his family were gone. His parents had both passed away a few years ago peacefully (a downside to older parents was that they were liable to die when their children were younger) and his brothers both now lived in Europe. It had been almost 4 years since he’d spoken to either of them and didn’t even know **how** to – not that it had ever really crossed his mind until now.

His family had never been close, so it wasn’t as if he felt there was a gaping void or anything like that. It was only when he thought that his brothers probably wouldn’t even know that Gavin had died that he was a little saddened – which was when he’d thought about leaving letters for those that mattered.

The words were now starting to come out on the pages more like the tutorial guides suggested, but Gavin still needed to grip the pen so hard that it was an ache just to get a sentence out. He really hoped that he’d last long enough to get letters written. In an age where almost everything was digital, there was something more…heartfelt with putting his thoughts down on a sheet of paper. It felt more expressive and personal, something that came from his own hand and effort rather than a pre-programmed font. The whole process was still infuriating right now but he hoped that it would become easier with a bit more time.

Hearing his ringtone blast out from where Gavin had left his phone charging in the kitchen, he blinked in surprise. It was 4 in the morning, no-one should be expecting Gavin to be awake – unless it was someone who knew about his condition. That left four people it could be: Fowler, Tina, Nines or Hank (he wasn’t 100 percent sure about Hank yet since he’d not had a conversation with the older man, but the looks he’d seen were telling enough).

Gavin was suddenly grateful that he wasn’t a betting man because he would have lost that one. While adamant it would have been Tina, seeing the serial number flash up on the screen made Gavin pause before picking up. “Nines? The fuck’re you calling me at the ass crack of dawn for?” the detective answered while hooking up his headset to speak to the android on the move.

 ** _“Oh? I wasn’t aware that you were busy, Gavin. Found something to pass the hours, have you?”_** Nines teased, to which Gavin rolled his eyes.

“You’re spending way too much time with Hank, you’re picking up his goddamned sass,” Gavin chuckled, glad that Nines was actually taking the piss out of the situation. Made it feel more normal, rather than something to be avoided avidly. “And don’t think I’m not wise to the fact you’ve bought a shit ton of puzzle books and are probably doing one right now while Hank’s asleep.”

 ** _“Normally you would be correct,”_** Nines started cautiously. **_“However Markus has called me to Jericho for something of high importance. The ramifications are potentially enormous, so I had to come down and see the results for myself.”_**

Not used to hearing Nines be cagey, Gavin started pacing his apartment while on the call. “Okay…what could be so big to get all of you nervous? Not seen you like this since it became public knowledge that soulmates can be human or android.”

Nines laughed shortly across the line. **_“You’ve unintentionally reasoned the cause, Gavin.”_**

“Huh? What-”

And then it hit Gavin just **what** could have such an impact. “Shit, the dream update?”

 ** _“Sometimes your deduction skills are actually quite impressive for their speed. Yes, the dream update is at the end of its beta testing and something has transpired that is giving all of us great pause. Markus has instructed me to invite any members of the DPD who were part of the initial revelation down to Jericho as we reveal the results, so you’ll be one of those extended an invitation. Given the implications to you, I wanted to give you some advance warning,”_** Nines explained, to which Gavin nodded slowly even if the android couldn’t see it.

Yeah, that was a good call. Gavin’s heart was racing like crazy at the thought Connor might soon be aware of their connection and what it meant with the android realising that he was dying…not to mention his mind was jumping to the _other_ thoughts that had been floating around in his brain, but Gavin swiftly brushed that under the carpet.

“You’re getting suspiciously good at realising how humans think, Nines. Beginning to wonder if you should’ve become a goddamned therapist or something,” Gavin replied thickly, to which he heard Nines chuckle on the other end. “Thanks for the heads up, I’m having some trouble processing that in my head so I’m glad you didn’t just spring this on me. Fuck knows I wouldn’t want to be dealing with this in front of other people.”

**_“Your gratitude is noted, Gavin. I will say that the results will stun you, however, so I would be prepared for another shock at Jericho. I’m not authorised to disclose that yet otherwise I would tell you. While we’re discussing matters, why don’t you come down and let our scientists see the results of the gloves? I’ve passed on all of the data but they are keen to see the results in person. No details are necessary and you won’t see anyone that is working on the dream project – they just wish to run some tests with you wearing them.”_ **

Seemed like a fair enough deal. “So long as I don’t have to give my name or anything like that then I’ll come down an play lab rat for a while. Only thing that I’ve noticed which they might want to look at is the overheating if the gloves are worn for full day but I’ve already told you about that one. I’ve started to notice that the synthskin gets dodgy if the gloves reach that stage, but I can hide that by switching back to my full gloves.”

**_“Hmmm, sounds like the capacitors aren’t dispelling the excess power from the heat generated by your body, leading to the heat sinks reaching critical capacity. I’ll suggest that they run some pointed tests around that fault. When are you due at the precinct?”_ **

“08:30, but I don’t think Fowler’ll bat an eyelid if I’m late because I’m at Jericho.”

**_“Excellent. I will pick you up in twenty two minutes then.”_ **

Nines hung up without any preamble and Gavin shook his head. There were some social things that Nines was never going to get with Hank as his role model but Gavin liked them – there was no bullshitting with that android.

So, be a test subject for Jericho for a few hours? That’s definitely not how he saw his night going. Still, that left less time for…weird fantasies to emerge into his brain.

_Fantasies? Why the fuck did I just think of that?_

* * *

Jericho was deeply unpleasant and, honestly? If Gavin wasn’t personally invested in the progress of the dream update, he’d happily tell the androids to stick it.

While anonymity was great in that Gavin’s name wasn’t attributed anywhere on the trial, it meant that there was no way he could technically complain about the assholes that had been in charge of the testing when he went there. Veiled comments about how ungrateful Gavin was for being given such an opportunity and coming back with complaints, warnings about how his overtaxing of the gloves was causing excess work for them…

He’d wanted to swing for them. Until then he’d not really had many problems with the androids since the revolution but if this is how some of them viewed humans…it honestly made the part of him that once hated them feel a little validated.

The one redeeming feature was that he’d received a personal apology from Markus, Nines quickly relaying his visuals of the whole debacle to the android leader when it became evident that the attacks were beginning to get personal. He’d been stunned at the sudden racism shown by the androids and decided that the project needed some re-evaluation. Gavin had a thick skin and didn’t give a damn about some androids with superiority issues, but it was only once he got back to the precinct (on time since the trial had quickly been abandoned) that a problem became very evident.

Someone outside of those that Gavin trusted now knew about his condition and he really wasn’t happy about it. He’d only gone into this rabbit hole with the guarantee of anonymity and for Markus of all people to now know – someone that Gavin knew Connor spoke to often – he hated the feeling of helplessness it gave him. Partially out of spite and partially out of being so insecure that day, he left the holo-gloves at home and used his old fashioned ones instead.

The disappointment on Connor’s face at seeing them almost stung as much as the debacle at Jericho had, if only because he hated to see the way the android’s expression had crumpled a little. Until now Gavin had played along with the notion that he was getting better but the stark reality was that he was actually astonished that he was still here. Most Withering victims lasted weeks, not months.

He should probably talk to Connor about it eventually…but today wasn’t that day.

“Hey, what gives?” Tina asked when Gavin went through to the break room to make some more herbal tea. He didn’t acknowledge her at first, so Tina nipped his side until the detective glared at her. “Don’t gimme your shit, Gavin,” she warned. “Why the change with the gloves? You haven’t worn those in a while.”

Tina was the only one that Gavin had told about the holo-gloves, but he hadn’t expected to be called out on it. “I felt like going with these today, so what?” he snapped defensively.

“Well it’s your choice if you do or not, but do you really want me to tell Connor that? I mean, he actually came over and asked me if your condition’s getting worse again when he saw them this morning. I hadn’t realised that he was paying attention to you so much,” Tina replied softer, realising that she’d poked at a raw wound. Gavin’s anger ebbed away, not mad at anyone in the precinct for actually giving a shit and caring about him. That morning had just been…difficult.

“Bad day,” is all he said, not wanting to discuss it now when he knew that Nines was going to be arriving soon with the official notice from Jericho about the dream update. He was going to have to psyche himself up for that after Nines’ vague warning that more was to be revealed that just the possibility of it working. Tina’s eyes grew worried and Gavin reached over to hug her briefly. “I’m okay, Teenie. Just not really feeling like myself today.”

“That’s why we’re worried,” she told him softly before walking away, giving Gavin some space. He sighed quietly before looking across the bullpen to see Connor also watching him carefully. Gavin gave the android a small nod before going back to his desk with his tea, unsurprised when he saw a message show up on his phone from Connor only a few seconds after he’d sat down.

**_Are you all right, Gavin?_ **

_I’m fine dipshit. Just had a rough morning is all. How come?_

**_Your gloves have changed back. Does that mean your condition has deteriorated again?_ **

_I’m definitely feeling rougher than yesterday that’s for sure. Nothing to worry your pretty head at though I’m honestly fine._

**_If you say so, Gavin. Please don’t push yourself too hard if you are feeling unwell though._ **

Connor’s concern touched Gavin and he squashed down on the little flutter in his stomach at the thought the android was worried about him.

_You know me. Stubborn as a damn mule._

**_Well, you do have somewhat of a reputation so I shouldn’t be surprised._ **

_You’re just as bad as me don’t try and deny it._

**_We both have well-earned reputations._ **

Gavin laughed at Connor’s final message and looked over to the android, only to see a slight smirk on his face. Flipping him off affectionately, Gavin started looking through his case files for the day.

He’d only been at it for an hour when Nines arrived, shortly after which Fowler called a group of them to the meeting room to discuss Jericho’s findings.

That led to the squad of Hank, Connor, Gavin, Tina and Chris accompanied Nines back to Jericho half an hour afterwards. Hank and Connor were both well-known faces – Gavin hadn’t really thought about Hank being famous within Jericho too given his relationship with Nines, but it made a little sense – but he noticed the lieutenant was giving some of the androids a frosty reception. Curious, he waited until they were away from the crowd who’d approached out of fascination at seeing so many visitors before asking what made the older man so uncomfortable.

“Some of the androids treat us like a damn circus act,” Hank huffed in reply. “I know a lot of them despise humans and I get that, but that doesn’t mean they should be jackasses about when an android makes the choice to be with a human. You’d think that being on the wrong end of biases would make people more understanding, not more insular.”

“True, but so many other communities have all done it at various stages too,” Gavin pointed out. “Other skin colours, faiths, genders, sexualities…it’s a cycle of hate on all sides before acceptance really appears. I think we’re still a bit early for the racism to have subsided on this one, bitterness can run deep.”

Hank laughed and nudged Gavin playfully. “Look at you, being the fountain of wisdom. Changed days.” Gavin snorted in agreement before shoving Hank lightly in retribution, enjoying the small banter.

The group made it to what looked like a dilapidated section of the apartment complex that Jericho had made their own, sharing curious glances as Nines led the way inside. After picking their way through rubble and collapsed sections of building they spied Markus in the distance, waiting for them. Gavin involuntarily seized up a little and thrust his hand in his pocket before thinking better of it, shoving his right inside too. Only the left might be rather a big tell.

No-one noticed his slip up, but it put him on edge.

“Good morning all,” Markus greeted. “Thank you for coming down to Jericho. I’m sure you’re all wondering about the secrecy involved but this is something that we aren’t ready to become general knowledge yet.”

Hank raised an eyebrow at him and crossed his arms. “What the fuck, Markus? The dream update’s already known, a lot of people are highly curious and excited about it. The hell could you guys have discovered that warrants this? Is it not possible?”

Rather than answer verbally, Markus’ expression became tight and he walked away, Nines nodding for the rest of them to follow. Everyone was worried and fascinated in equal measure by what could cause such a reaction, but they didn’t have to wait long before the android leader opened what first appeared to be a ruined door…only to reveal an advanced and fully functioning lab on the inside.

The group entered the observational side, almost like the interrogation suites at the precinct, as several scientists were busy on the opposite side. Some were android and some were human, and the group noticed that they were actually looking onto two different testing chambers.

Inside each was a pair of people – two androids were inside one, a man and woman, while two women were in the other. It was a little less clear as to what races both of them were but from the lack of plastic showing on one, they could only assume that they were an android and a human.

“All of the androids in the chambers in front of you were part of the dream update testing,” Markus informed them. We trialled this with around two thousand androids, hoping that at least some of them would take to the update. It was only after we’d finished the screening process, uploaded the code and were conducting out first check-ups that we realised nine of the android involved were actually suffering from the android equivalent of Withering.”

Everyone bar Nines and Gavin spun to Markus in shock, though Gavin played his part well and faked the surprise as best he could. “Wait, androids can Wither too?” Chris asked. “How does that work when androids aren’t biological?”

“The process for androids is less physical and more mental,” Markus explained. “An android’s code starts to unravel, segments vanishing out of existence or being corrupted beyond redemption. While for humans the effects are primarily physiological, androids suffer psychologically instead as their functions begin to become unstable. It’s still a highly distressing process,” Markus stated, giving everyone a few seconds to absorb this before he went on. “As much as I would be willing to field more question about this, the discovery that androids too can Wither is not why you are all here.”

Nines stepped in as he joined the group from where he’d been quietly watching at the side of the room. “The dream update was reasonably successful, only the newest models had difficulty with the coding being accepted by their systems. 83% began to dream, of which just over half of those reported seeing the Garden. However, many of those who explored it discovered either a memento or no trace of their soulmate. There’s a good chance that anyone who had an android soulmate lost their companion during the revolution.”

“Fuck,” Hank swore, which earned a wry smile from Markus.

“An adept summation, Hank, but while much of the news was distressing, we did find a few success stories. There are about a dozen androids that have now been united with their soulmates, and for those whose soulmates are also androids, we have shared the dream update with them too. We since have confirmation that it works,” the android leader declared. While everyone wanted to celebrate the news, Connor looked at Markus suspiciously.

“Then what is it that you’re so determined to keep secret, Markus? Why are we here?” the RK800 asked.

Markus and Nines shared a long look before Nines interfaced with a monitor in front of them, showing some recordings of the groups in the chambers ahead of them. “Everyone in front of you are soulmates,” Markus started. “David and Lauren, one half of each pair, were Withering when the trial began. They were unaware at the time and it was only after the dream update that they realised who their soulmates were, and realised what was happening to them.”

“Wait a minute, **were**?” Gavin asked, eyes suddenly wide. A quick look at Nines wasn’t returned by the android but he suddenly had a feeling at to why Nines had warned him to prepare for earth shattering news.

_There’s no fucking way…_

“Yes, were.” Markus fast forwarded the footage to where each pair in the chamber met and discussed, both Withering androids with their Marked palms on display. They didn’t show the same physical signs as humans did but it was obvious from David’s behaviours that he wasn’t truly aware of some of his reactions. Uncontrollable glitches were making his motor functions difficult, something that you wouldn’t expected from an undamaged android. Lauren was mute, communicating only via a touchpad with the other woman in the room.

A time lapse then showed something that had Tina gasping in shock as everyone froze: the black marks on David and Lauren’s palms had instead turned white.

“The fuck…?” Hank asked, his eyes drifting to Gavin for a second before going back to the window. “Is this a joke?”

“No, Hank,” Nines said severely. “There have been a lot of accidental rejections since androids were unaware that the soulmate mechanics also applied to them, you all saw that with Harriet’s case a couple of months ago. What this trial has revealed is that if a rejection is unintentional, it can be stopped. Whether the rejection is conscious has an enormous impact.”

“It’s true,” Markus confirmed. “The minute their soulmates confirmed that they didn’t want David and Lauren to die, that they still wanted them as a part of their lives, the Withering stopped. All of the damage which has been wrought remains, but they are no longer degrading. David’s soulmate rejected him as she mistook him for someone else that is part of his series: an easy mistake to make when someone keeps the factory settings, while Lauren’s soulmate is her former owner’s daughter. She was sent away to live here, but that was enough to trigger her Withering even if the intention was not malicious.

“What is important about this is that we know it can happen cross-species,” the android leader went on. “Android Witherings can be stopped regardless of whether their soulmate is a human or an android, but Lauren’s soulmate took some convincing since Lauren couldn’t dream. We think that this element of doubt is what was stopped it from being resolved earlier.”

“So…Withering isn’t permanent anymore?” Chris whispered.

“It doesn’t appear that way,” Nines added softly, “but what we don’t know is if this applies to humans too, at this stage. We only learned this three days ago, we haven’t had the chance to see if any humans will fall under this category. All of the other androids who have human soulmates are now a part of their life or have already died. None are Withering.”

“And until you know if humans can be stopped too, you don’t want this getting out,” Hank surmised. “Otherwise it’s just another way that androids can potentially evade death that humans can’t.”

Markus nodded in agreement. “We really don’t know how best to proceed from here, but we were hoping that all of you might be able to assist. The dream update is set to go live in 7 days now that the trial is complete and we were hoping for your assistance in what is to come with the fallout. Some humans might also show signs of their Withering stopping but we won’t know – you will have access to that knowledge more than we will. Given how this could impact future human-android relations, I hope you will help us.”

The rest of the words were muffled behind the roaring in Gavin’s ears. He tried to appear invested in the conversation but he’d completely tuned out. Tina must have noticed because she took a tight hand of Gavin’s hand, the detective squeezing shakily in return. As much he wanted to, he didn’t dare look at Connor or what remained of his composure was going to crumble.

_Holy shit, how do I go back to potentially living after having accepted for so long that I’m dying?_

He might actually have a **chance**. After so many months of suffering there might be some hope yet – and in 7 days he would have his answer as to whether Connor wanted him gone or not.

7 days…that was all that was left for Gavin to learn if his death sentence had a last minute reprieve after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Dun dun DUUUUUUN!**


	9. Last Chance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special credit for the speed of this update has to go to a few very special people - [Minas Norma,](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MinasTheFaun/pseuds/MinasTheFaun) [LittleLalaith,](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleLalaith/pseuds/LittleLalaith) and [Stujet9rainshine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stujet9rainshine/pseuds/Stujet9rainshine). 
> 
> Thanks to all of them helping me with writing sprints, I've managed to get this chapter done far faster than I envisioned! Much love to all of you <3
> 
> So, I'm going to apologise in advance for what's coming next. All of you are definitely going to hate me for where the next...3 or 4 chapters stop. I'd have tissues on standby pretty soon.
> 
> Brace yourselves!

Anticipation was agony – that was true on both sides of the spectrum, be it android or human.

Once it was public knowledge that the dream update was imminent and about to be released, there was a distinct tension in the air. Everyone was equals parts scared, nervous and excited for whatever the result would be. Androids were about to find out whether they were ‘fated’ for someone, and whether they’d caused unintentional damage already. A lot of androids were fearful of what reaction awaited them should they have human soulmates, but many were excited for if they had androids ones.

Many in the precinct hated the subconscious racism that had been on show through the build-up to the update. The fact that androids wanted to mostly be with their own kind wasn’t so surprising…but it was disheartening.

In Gavin’s case, his heart wouldn’t stop racing at the thought of Connor finally realising their connection and perhaps granting him a last second reprieve.

Well, reprieve in one sense. He knew from what Markus said that any damage already sustained stayed – and honestly, he wasn’t sure what state his organs would be in by now. The fact that he was still able to function had to count for something, right? Even if there was a lot of damage, he was still working and mostly unhindered. Surely he could live with whatever remained?

Tina was just as hyped up as Gavin, but nobody really noticed since so many others were really nervous. Connor had been withdrawn and spent a lot of time working in the run up, being relatively quiet as he dwelled on what it might mean should he have a soulmate, while Hank had been very quiet himself. From what Gavin had learned talking to the other man a couple of days ago, he wasn’t worried about what it might mean for them if Nines actually had a soulmate – all he feared was what could happen with any rejections.

Gavin could empathise with that acutely but didn’t offer Hank any advice, not really sure what he could say that would help given his own situation. It was only when the older man turned to him and asked if Gavin was going to go looking for his soulmate for answers once they knew they truth, it left him with a difficult reply.

_“No fucking idea. I guess it is up to them really – I’ve been resigned to dying for months, whether it doesn’t happen now or whether they want to change it is on them.”_

At the time Gavin hadn’t realised just how much he’d lied – for as much as he’d been wondering about how to live again after being accepting of his fate for so long, now that he had an opportunity he wasn’t wanting to waste it. It was only after a lot more thought that he realised he was definitely going to ask Connor about what he saw in his dreams. He wanted-no, **needed** to know.

On the day of the update, Fowler had set everyone with a vested interest in the results on the early shifts. That meant Gavin and Tina finished early, along with Hank and Connor. Nines had barely been seen at the precinct since Jericho had announced the update so it wasn’t so strange that he was absent, but leaving at 4 in the afternoon was agony for Gavin. The update was due to be released at midnight and he was low-key **_freaking out_** _._

_It’s fine, it’s. fine. No big deal. Just that your soulmate might actually realise who you are and could stop your organs from decomposing while you’re still alive rather than them becoming fully gooped. Nothing big at all._

Well, fuck load of good that thinking did.

Tina, angel that she was, realised that Gavin was antsy as all hell and offered to come over and help keep his mind off things. “Wait, what about you babysitting Melissa? Don’t you normally do that on a Thursday?” he asked, knowing that Tina spent one night a week looking after her teenage niece. Gavin had met the girl a couple of times and she was an absolute gem, gentle and caring. He had not a clue how she shared Chen DNA, all of them were spitfires with a temper and half.

“Nah, Melissa’s apparently have a study sleepover with a bunch of her friends,” Tina laughed. “I know what that would have meant if **I** said it, but I think Melissa’s genuinely going to be working. Her finals are soon and I know she really wants to max out her GPA to maximise her options for college.”

“Kid’s got her head screwed on right, that’s for sure,” Gavin chuckled while looking around the bullpen, hoping to meet Connor’s gaze but the android was still hard at work. “Fuck it, I can’t keep this up I’m gonna fuck off ten minutes early. You gonna hang here for that time or come with?”

“Are you kidding? Let’s bounce, I don’t want to hang around this shit heap any longer than I have to!” she declared while quickly grabbing her jacket. The pair were soon shut down for the night and ready to go. Gavin looked up at the other pair nervously, waiting to see if either Connor or Hank would react before leaving with Tina, but also not wanting to stare like a weirdo. When nothing happened for a few seconds he made a swift exit. It was only when he got a text a minute later from Hank that he realised he’d actually been caught.

**_Whatever happens with this update, you control how this goes, Gavin. You know what your want, that’s what matters._ **

He really didn’t know – and that was the problem.

Did he want to live while crippled, or go out in as close to his own terms as he could manage? There was no way that he could last much longer, he’d been surviving while Withering for almost 5 months now. That was all but unheard of. Tina had once joked that it was because he was one stubborn ass bitch and it couldn’t help Gavin from wondering about that article he’d read months ago. They’d discussed whether ‘the will to live’ had something to do with how long someone lasted while Withering, and he had to wonder if it was right.

Otherwise, why was he still here? He’d never been one to give up but he’d come to terms with his death sentence a long time ago. Maybe some corner of his mind had always been hoping for a miracle?

Well it might well be there soon; if he wanted to take it.

When they got back to Gavin’s apartment the door was promptly locked and both of their phones switched off. Given the unique circumstances with Gavin, Fowler had agreed that the pair wouldn’t be disturbed for any reason at all until after the update was out. That meant they could have a night completely cut off from the world.

“So, fuckface, what’s our plan for tonight?” Tina chirped. “We’ve still got loads of ice cream in your freezer, or there was another board game that I ordered three days ago? That did arrive here, didn’t it?” she asked while rifling in the cupboard that had become the games stash.

Gavin laughed and pointed her towards his bedroom. “It’s still in the box – after the last time when I opened the box and it was freaking **dragon dildo** I was scared to open anything else that arrived here with your name on it.”

Tina swaggered her way to the bedroom. “Your face when you threw that thing at me was totally worth the reaction! I’m just disappointed that you missed the nipple clamps at the bottom of that box, I was looking forward to you asking if they were for me or you.”

“Just get the damn game already!” he barked while blushing, wondering why Tina had taken it into her head that embarrassing him was a fun way to pass her time. Then again, she’d been doing it for years so it made him feel a little better that she’s not abandoned it just because he was, you know, dying.

Fuck, he really was going to miss that woman. Now that he was thinking about it, there were a lot of people that he would potentially miss.

When Tina re-emerged into the living room, she proudly flung a bright green garment at Gavin’s head. “All right, I may have also ordered a green one for you and a pink version for me. We gonna take some funny photos with this shit?”

Peeling it off his head and seeing that it was a mankini, Gavin laughed. “Are you kidding me? Hell no!”

“Why not?” Tina sulked.

“One, because bikinis suit almost any woman, a mankini is an abomination that is better suited to being fucking floss! And two, you really think I’m gonna strip off and throw this on? No thanks,” Gavin argued, to which Tina rolled her eyes.

“I said put it on, not put it on properly! Stick it around your crotch as a poor imitation of superhero underwear or something! Or use it as some floss like you think it is for some pictures! Come on, since when have you ever known me to actually wear a bikini? Course I’m not wearing this shit properly!”

Since Tina put it that way, she did have a point…”Okay, how the fuck you wearing it then?”

Gavin got his answer when she threw the bra section on like a pair of earmuffs, tying the bow comically at the back of her head while slipping the bottoms on over the top of her jeans. “What do you think for a first effort?” she asked while posing, leading to Gavin howling with laughter.

“Oh fuck, you’re beyond hilarious,” he snickered. “Fine, you win. Let’s see what crazy ways we can tie this without strangling me or castrating my balls.”

The two of them ended up swapping the garments to make some ridiculous photos on Tina’s old fashioned polaroid camera. After much pleading she managed to convince Gavin to pose for a few shots with his holo-gloves on – he’d not worn them since the incident at Jericho but for Tina…he’d do it. She wanted a few photos where the harsh reality wasn’t so obvious and she could pretend that her best friend wasn’t dying.

For that, he could overcome his spite towards the developers of the invention.

Once she’d gone through two stacks of polaroids and set them around the room to develop (she’d pointedly not looked at any of them yet) they two of them dove into the stash of board games that they’d been building up over the past few months. A collection of things that they’d either grown up with or learned during their days at the academy, the pair whiled away the hours getting lost in some mindless fun. At one point both of them were laughing so hard that they were holding their sides while gasping for air, which eventually brought on another bout of purging.

When he came back out from the bathroom Gavin was still smiling, which made Tina feel a lot better. Neither of them had considered that such laughter would aggravate Gavin’s Withering, but it liked to strike when neither of them were braced for it.

“Fuck, I’ve not had a night like this in I don’t know how long,” Gavin snickered. “See if we’d thought to start on some booze earlier I might have actually contemplated trying all of this shit tipsy.”

“We still could,” Tina joked, to which Gavin shook his head.

“Nah, probably for that best that I don’t get smashed off my face at this stage. Might just finish my liver off,” he snarked back, regretting it when Tina’s expression crumpled. They’d been managing to avoid the reality all night and then it slammed right back home with just a few words.

Gavin sighed and sat up, reaching a hand out towards her. “I’m sorry, Teenie. I didn’t mean it like that,” he apologised, to which she shook her head as she took the offering.

“Nah, it’s fine. I mean…we’ve been building towards this for months, right? Nothing’s really changed,” she sniffled. “But tomorrow this might all be fixed, right? You could stop Withering.

Standing up, Gavin went through to the kitchen to make some tea. He needed something to busy his hands if they were finally going to have this conversation. “Teenie, we don’t know how my soulmate’s gonna react. They might still not want anything to do with me.”

“Fuck that noise. Even if I have to march over there with a shotgun and threaten them, we’re gonna get them to reverse this!” she huffed, to which Gavin snorted.

“Much as I appreciate the sentiment, I don’t think you threatening anyone is gonna help my cause any,” he smiled. “The intention matters, remember? If they really want me to wither then I will.”

“But if this was accidental they can stop it!” she persisted. “Maybe then we can get you fixed up! They’ve made lots of advancements with cybernetic organs and whatnot, and there’s always transplants-”

“Tina…” Gavin’s soft voice halted her in her tracks. “Hospitals don’t know that Withering can be stopped, remember? They won’t treat Withering patients as it’s a waste of resources, and we don’t even know if it is true for humans. Not to mention that after this long that I might be a goner anyway.”

 **“No**!” she screamed, not wanting to accept that when, for the first time in months, there had been hope. “I’m not giving up on your that easy, Gavin! Please don’t think that!”

Seeing her on the verge of tears brought forward some of his own frustrated tears. He strode back over to bring Tina into a hug where she promptly broke down, Gavin right behind her.

This news might have given him a chance… but Gavin was honestly expecting there to still be one last sting in his tale. He wasn’t in the habit of catching lucky breaks.

* * *

Tina was eventually convinced to go home at 3 in the morning since they were due back into the precinct at 10am, but the nerves had charged through Gavin’s body the minute he was left alone. So many emotions, ‘what ifs’ and other thoughts were running rampant through him, it was little wonder that he worked himself up into a tizzy.

Still, getting so stressed that he started constantly purging and leaving himself exhausted was definitely **not** planned. With the dream update having been released overnight Gavin had been wanting to finally get an answer to his problem. Instead he was bathroom-bound again while tossing up his decaying organs.

Messaging Fowler was not a highlight but the Captain was unsurprised – he’d been expecting the stress to floor Gavin days ago, as it turned out, so the fact that he needed an extra day to gear himself up for confronting Connor was no surprise. In fact, Gavin was grateful that Fowler said he’d been preparing for it. It made Gavin feel a lot less self-conscious, especially when he learned that Fowler had put it on the rotation that he was scheduled for a half day.

It was times like now that he remembered the man had seen a close relative die from Withering before. He knew more about it than most.

Gavin had mostly pulled himself together that night but it still didn’t help his frayed nerves any. As much as he wanted to message Connor and straight up ask ‘are you dreaming of me yet and do you want me’, he wasn’t ballsy enough for that. Instead, he’d found himself with another later night visitor.

He was getting more used to the fact that Nines was turning up out of the blue.

The android listened as Gavin finally let loose on all of his deep seated fears that he’d been clamming up on all day, still not knowing what to do with regard to Connor (though he still didn’t mention a name) and whether he should actually address things or not. While he may now have the chance to live again, Gavin wasn’t sure if he was ready for that mentally.

“What about you?” he asked. “Did you see anything?”

Nines shook his head. “No – I saw nothing. I have no soulmate.”

“Relieved?” Gavin guessed, surprised when Nines denied it.

“Actually, it didn’t change anything for me. If I’d had a soulmate I would have adapted but not having one definitely makes things less complicated. Now there isn’t this…doubt lurking in the back of Hank’s mind, I’m sure.”

That caused Gavin to snigger. “The old man was worried, was he?”

“Soulmates inevitably make relationships more complex. A soulmate does not have to be a romantic companion but the assumption is that they will become so, given many humans can’t differentiate between platonic and romantic love. It adds an unnecessary complication to otherwise settled lives.”

Gavin winced as he thought of Fowler’s brother-in-law. That same presumption is what had doomed him. “Out of curiosity, if it had turned out that you did have a soulmate and they wanted to be with you…what would you have done? You’re the type to make a plan for everything.”

Nines’ LED strobed red and he looked away from Gavin. “I would have talked with them to make my stance clear.”

“And if they didn’t want that? People are known to be pretty selfish, Nines.”

“If they’d stressed the issue then I would have been selfish myself. If two immovable objects come into contact on unerring trajectories, then they are assured of mutual destruction. Should I have been forced into actions for self-preservation…I would have considered it.”

That settled in Gavin’s gut hard but he couldn’t blame the android for thinking like that. Androids had so little autonomy before the revolution and if that small power they now had was to be upset by something like soulmates…he could understand why some chose to consciously reject if the other person was being stubborn.

Didn’t make it right – but he could understand the position.

“Have you eventually decided on whether to confront your own soulmate?” Nines asked, to which Gavin sighed.

“I dunno. I mean…what is it gonna achieve? They obviously know about me now and I don’t know if they want to do anything.” He couldn’t give away that he had regular contact with his soulmate without possibly giving it away to Nines. As much as he liked the android now, he wouldn’t put it past Nines to be a little conniving and get involved. Especially considering that it was Connor who was the other parry involved.

“Perhaps, but they may not be aware of how to find you, Gavin. Although they must be someone that you have some contact with?”

“You could say that,” the human sighed. “Doesn’t make deciding whether to talk to them any easier.”

Nines looked at Gavin strangely. “Personally, I don’t see what you have to lose?”

The human laughed tightly. “That’s just it Nines, I’ve got nothing left – I’m already dying and I’ve accepted it! So to suddenly have to put my fate in someone else’s hands, to have hope again and potentially have it crushed if I decide I want to give it a shot? Not sure I’m willing to put myself through that or not.”

“Well, I cannot comment on that…but what about Tina? Or others that you are friends with? As much as this is your decision, Gavin, your actions will affect others.” Gavin’s stomach soured a little at remembering how distraught Tina was the night before. “I am not trying to sway you either way, but I know questions will be asked as to why you did not try if the option presented itself. So long as you are willing to answer those queries and stand by your answer, that is all that is necessary,” Nines explained.

“Yeah, I guess…” Gavin chuckled a little and gave Nines a warm smile. “Funny how you’ve ended up becoming my pseudo-therapist with all of this shit. This where you thought you’d end up when you first scanned me and found out my body was literally turning to soup?”

Nines scoffed. “I am the most advanced android ever made, Gavin – I was designed to calculate the chances of all outcomes and prepare for them.”

“So what was the chance of this being the final result?” Gavin shot back, a little surprised when Nines smirked.

“3.61%, small enough that it was almost deemed non applicable to my software. If the chance had been two hundredths of a percent less, it would have been filtered out as an irrelevant option. Curious that such a small difference led to us actually venturing down this path, isn’t it?”

That thought sat in Gavin’s mind heavily. Two hundredths of a percent, such a small margin that it wouldn’t even be comprehendible to humans…but it proved to be the tipping point for what would define Gavin and Nines’ dynamic through all of this.

One thing that had been stopping Gavin from approaching Connor all of this time was that he was convinced were the Withering to stop, his body would still be too weak to survive. Gavin could feel that he was growing ever more frail by the day and there would soon be a final limit on what his already tortured body could go through.

Such a small chance had come good for him once before…could it happen again?

* * *

Nines left in the early hours of the morning and Gavin tried his damnedest to meditate. He didn’t really achieve it fully, but he did at least manage to stop his thoughts from spinning long enough to finally make his decision: he was going to talk to Connor about it.

While he might be ready to die, Tina didn’t deserve to lose her best friend and he wasn’t about to let her down that easy. If he was still condemned after it then so be it…but he’d at least have tried.

The precinct was abuzz by the time he appeared just around lunchtime and Gavin was shocked at the change from a couple of days ago. Where there had been tension before there was now excitement. His heart fluttered traitorously at the implications as Tina grabbed him and dragged Gavin to the break room.

“Nice to see you finally got your nerves under control,” she joked gently while seeing how Gavin’s eyes fluttered around. He was trying to be subtle about scanning for Connor and failing miserably. “It’s insane what’s been happening with the dream update! Turns out two of the android techs here were soulmates with officers in other precincts, but their soulmates were too scared to say anything before! It’s working!”

Tina excitement was probably meant to reassure him, but it just made Gavin more antsy to see Connor. Where the hell was the android? “Guess my soulmate knows who I am then,” he muttered, to which Tina scowled.

“Hey, come on, Gav, this is great! Now you can talk to them and get the answers you’ve been looking for!” she beamed, to which Gavin simply nodded.

“Yeah…”

Despite Tina’s best efforts nothing was really going to easy the knot in Gavin’s stomach until he saw Connor. At least he was pretty sure that Connor would want to talk to him if he wanted to do something about their connection, the android wasn’t one to put things off.

His anxiety as it reached an hour in the precinct with no sight of him tipped Gavin over the edge again and he had to purge another bout of gunge which was trying to give away his secret. Every time he had to expel his dying organs now it came with pain through his whole core and if there was ever a sign that his body was reaching its limits – that was it.

When he re-emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later he froze at seeing Connor and Hank had now returned and were discussing something at the lieutenant’s desk. He just about managed to keep his legs from buckling under him, not wanting to make a scene in the bullpen after managing to keep things under wraps for so long. It took everything he had to sit back down at his desk and keep stealing glances at the android as subtly as he could.

Once fifteen minutes had passed Gavin’s breath finally caught as Connor’s eyes met his – but the android only offered him a small smile before going back to work.

_Wait, he- He’s really not going to give anything more than that?_

Bile threatened at Gavin’s throat again and he swallowed it down harshly while retrieving his phone. Maybe Connor didn’t know how to bring it up?

**_Hey dipshit. Where were you two at this morning?_ **

_We had a string of warrants to pick up, some of them had issues before we could use them for visits that we intend to make over the next two days. Are you feeling better now?_

**_I’ve been better, but I’m still hanging together. You good?_ **

_Very much so, thank you for asking. Things have been busy with the release of the dream update but the reaction has been mostly positive. It’s gone far better than I think anyone was braced for, which makes our jobs easier._

Gavin’s heart fell to his chest when he read the last message. Connor mentioned the update…but not them. There was no way that the android just forgot to say anything if he’d wanted to.

Connor didn’t want to acknowledge their bond. Probably in an effort to avoid a rejection or have Gavin get the wrong idea, not knowing that the human was already on his last legs.

_Are you all right, Gavin? You’ve gone quite ashen all of a sudden._

**_Yeah just not feeling so hot all of a sudden. Just gonna get some air._ **

He couldn’t bear to look at anyone else as he marched out of the precinct and collapsed along one of the back walls. Everything seemed numb around him and he could **feel** that faint hope which had taken root in his heart die.

_Guess that’s that then. There aren’t miracles after all…or at least not for me._


	10. Farewell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...yeah, a lot of you have made several guesses as to what's up with Connor and the answer is coming. You'll just have to suffer more emotional pain before we get there (sorry).
> 
> You guys might want to stock up on some tissues. Good luck!

Rousing the following morning, Gavin knew there was something different. He’d gotten used to the numb, almost meditative, state that he managed to slip into through the nights to not drive himself mad, but coming out of it always brought with it a sense of foreboding. This morning though? Gavin felt peaceful.

Standing up from his bed, Gavin wandered through to the bathroom and realised that he didn’t want to spew out any more of the black gunk from his system. The daily ritual of purging his dying organs and muscles had almost become a morbid comfort for him, because it had meant he had time. He didn’t like this one bit. A single look in the mirror confirmed Gavin’s thoughts.

Without his shirt on, it was clear to see that the Decay had advanced. Though it hadn’t gone past his shoulder, tendrils had emerged to snake their way down his chest: the black veins had leached around to circle all the across his heart. Not only that, but they had met to make this strangely beautiful, yet twisted pattern over the dying organ.

So, this was it, huh? Last stage.

Funnily enough, Gavin was surprised at how peaceful he felt with that realisation. It was almost over, he could finally sleep again soon.

A tiny smile came to his face as he stared at his reflection. The tired bags under his eyes were less noticeable, despite him not having slept in over five months now, and his skin wasn’t quite so clammy or tinged as sickly. It was the most alive he’d looked since he’d started to Decay. 

Strange how he now looked more alive, and yet he was only days away from his death. 

Maybe with the end all but here it had eased the strain a little? After the dream update for the androids had come out and Connor still rejected him (or rather, gave no indication that he was accepting of their bond), Gavin’s miniscule hope of a last minute reprieve had gone. The timing was more than a little coincidental – had Connor’s reaction broken what little will he had left to resist his oncoming demise?

Wouldn’t surprise him one bit if that was the truth. He’d felt pain before, but the crushing agony from the day before when he realised Connor truly didn’t care had **hurt**. Gavin wondered if a part of him died there and the rest was just following after it like a stack of dominoes.

His one regret was that after all the months of trying to find him a way out, Tina was now going to have to face the reality and aftermath of Gavin’s death. He really hoped that a few of the others stepped in and helped her, Gavin didn’t care if they all knew about his Withering after he was gone.

That gave him a little pause though. If the whole truth came out, then Connor would figure out that he’d caused it. Did Gavin want him to bear the burden of that without knowing his true thoughts?

No, despite Connor having (unintentionally, Gavin was adamant) started his death sentence, Gavin held no ill will against him. Sure to start with he’d been furious and desperate, but now he was just ready. Incredible that in between it all, Gavin had found himself drawn to the android and come to appreciate his company. Now that he was staring death in the face, he’d finally acknowledged that he felt things for Connor. 

Not all soulmates had to be romantic – but in another lifetime where he hadn’t screwed up so badly and condemned himself to walk this path, Gavin couldn’t help but wonder if there might have been the chance of something there. For how easy company they were now…it wasn’t too strange to think about.

Gavin didn’t want Connor to possibly think that he’d died hating the android for what had happened. Even now, after the second rejection Gavin didn’t want the android to suffer for his choice (whether it was conscious or subconscious he had no idea, but it was done now). 

It might have been earlier than he’d intended to use this, but Gavin had to write his letters to everyone now. The time had finally come and now was when to put all of his thoughts on paper. A series of mementos for when he was gone.

So what if he was a little late for work? It wasn’t as if it was going to matter after today.

* * *

Entering the precinct was…weirdly normal. 

Gavin had thought that he would be more emotional about it all but looking around, it just felt like any other day. A part of him wondered whether impending death always felt so anticlimactic. 

Probably for the best, at least it meant that he could go about his business without arousing any suspicions.

Spying that Fowler was in his office, Gavin made a point of going to his terminal first and logging in as if it was any other day. There were a few emails relating to some of his current cases, but it wasn’t anything that someone else couldn’t handle. Everything here was pretty standard and wouldn’t really bog anyone down with a crappy workload. He went into the settings and set everything to be forwarded to Hank, while setting the time period so that it would be once someone went in manually to deactivate it. IT would take care of removing his account pretty quickly.

Once he saw that Fowler was off his call, Gavin strode up to his office and knocked, not surprised when there was an aggressive bark that came through. Fowler was staring at his monitor angrily and typing something up at pace. Everyone else in the precinct would have expected that reaction any so it was in keeping with expectations at least. He waited patiently until the captain noticed him, and had to hold back a smile at how quickly Fowler’s expression changed.

“Reed? The fuck are you doing here? You’ve got my number for anything you need to ask me,” the older man wondered, but Gavin soon looked towards the glass of the office. Realising that the detective was looking for some privacy, Fowler changed it to showing as opaque before Gavin finally pulled out an envelope and held it out.

“Needed to do this bit face-to-face,” Gavin said plainly. Fowler wasn’t slow, he realised very quickly what was happening. His posture slumped as he reached out to take the offering.

“So, this is really it, huh?” Fowler asked sadly, noting the letter that Gavin handed over to him. If Gavin was resigning, then it was time. Despite having known for months now that Gavin was Withering, it was still hard now that the moment had finally come. 

“Yeah, I can feel it. No more bringing up my own organs and I feel oddly peaceful,” Gavin explained with a tiny smile. “I’ve lasted a lot longer than I figured I might, but it’s here. Thank you for not telling anyone and covering for me every time I had to come off sick. I really appreciate it.”

“Wasn’t going to deny your one request to keep this quiet,” Fowler said while standing, now very glad that he’d made the glass fog over for this meeting. He offered Gavin a hand. “You’ve handled this with admirable grace, Gavin, and as much as you’re a pain in the ass detective, I’m really going to miss you. I know a few of the others will too.”

Gavin chuckled while taking Fowler’s hand. “I doubt that, but I appreciate the sentiment. And thank you: I’m not exactly sure how anyone really processes coming to terms with their own mortality but I’m grateful to hear that you think that. Can you maybe do me one last favour though?”

“Name it,” Fowler asserted while pulling his hand back.

“I’m going to ask Tina to stay with me until...you know,” Gavin sighed. “Can you maybe give her the time paid, and a bit after to process? She’s the reason I’ve handled this even minorly, I owe her everything. And maybe organise some sort of commendation for Nines? I know he’s not technically DPD but he’s helped a lot too.”

Fowler nodded. “Consider it done. Do you perhaps want me to explain everything after...once the news comes through?”

“Yeah, I’d appreciate that. Tina’s got enough to shoulder, I don’t want to inflict her with that too. One thing I will ask for though, I’ve left some letters for people around the precinct at my apartment. Can you maybe hand those out as you break the news, if I leave a key? Or maybe send Nines to grab them, two are for him and Hank anyway. There are some things I can’t quite say, but I managed to put on a page.”

“Of course.” The silence felt daunting and Gavin sighed as he looked towards the door. He couldn’t quite work out why those few steps were going to be so hard, the worst bit was done. All he had to do was walk out the front door as if nothing had happened and go home.

Except it was all for the last time. There was part of him wishing that more people knew now, but he stood by his early sentiment - the last thing Gavin wanted was pity. He might be dying, but he was going to do it with all the dignity he could.

Giving Fowler one last nod while handing over his gun and badge, Gavin stepped out and flashed Tina a smile; she was watching as she always did, bless her. It was reassuring to know that she always had his back. “Fowler’s wanting to talk to you, Teenie. Don’t keep him waiting.” Tina stared at him suspiciously, but did as suggested and headed up to the Captain’s office.

Now with a few minutes to kill some time, Gavin wandered through to the break room. It was blessedly empty and he poured out one of the shit heap coffees that the machine provided before taking a long drink. “Even now, it still tastes just as crap,” he laughed to himself, the familiarity from a years’ old routine – even if he hadn’t drank coffee in a while - was a comfort. Leaning back against the counter, Gavin stared out over the room and smiled sadly.

He really was going to miss this place.

There were two notable missing people from the bullpen right now and he stared at the gaps a little sadly. Connor and Hank were out following a lead and judging from how Nines was hovering around Hank’s desk and trying very hard to look like he wasn’t lurking, they were running late for something. A little part of him was jealous that Hank of all people had managed to get his happy ending while Gavin was condemned for trying to get his.

Plus, as much as he might be surprised that he was saying this, Hank and Nines were a great fit. After having spent so much time with Nines he’d come to understand the android more and realised that Nines wasn’t looking for much. He simply wanted to live his own life with someone who respected him for who he was – and that was what Nines had ended up with. Their discussion about soulmates a few nights ago had been enlightening and Gavin could completely understand the android being so defiant about what the world around expected from him. Ending up with someone else who was quite happy to tell the world to go fuck itself was fitting.

Not to mention that Gavin was still of the opinion that all of this was penance in a way. After what happened during the revolution, this was probably justified.

Eye for an eye, a life for a life. At least Connor wasn’t bound by the same laws of mortality and got the chance of a real future after his epic fuck up. He was sad to not see him one last time, but maybe it was for the best. Gavin wasn’t sure he’d be able to keep it together after having finally accepted that he’d grown attached to Connor unintentionally.

Finally Tina emerged from the office and Gavin could see tears already running down her face. He knew that she would be taking this hard, but seeing her cry outright tore at his withering heart even more; he didn’t deserve a friend like her after everything. 

She clocked him in the break room and charged straight at Gavin, sobbing openly into his shirt. “No! No, this isn’t happening!” she shouted into his chest, but it was muffled from how tightly she was buried in there.

“It is, Teenie,” he sighed as he held her and ran a hand down her back comfortingly. “We’ve known for a long time that it’s coming, and it’s finally here. I hate to do this, but...I don’t think I want to be alone for however long I’ve got left,” Gavin admitted quietly. “Will you come with?”

“Just ‘cause it’s finally here doesn’t mean I’m changing my mind,” she huffed while pulling back and glaring mildly at Gavin. “I’m with you until the end, so let’s go buy several pints of ice cream and watch as many shitty films as we can, just like we planned,” she finished with a teary smile.

“I don’t fucking deserve you, you stubborn-ass bitch,” Gavin said affectionately while wrapping his right arm around Tina’s shoulders. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”

“You don’t want to say goodbye to anyone?” she whispered, knowing it was a sensitive subject.

“Nah, I’m ready,” he said with a tiny smile. “This is the way it should be. Let’s make a break for it before anyone notices the state you’re in.”

Tina elbowed him but laughed brokenly at the same time. “I think I’ve got a pretty legit reason to be fucking crying right now, Gavin.”

“Fair,” he agreed while leading her out the security gate one last time. 

What he didn’t expect was for Hank and Connor to come in the front door just as they were past it, and for the pair to realise how upset Tina was. “Jesus, Tina, you okay?” Hank asked. “Gavin, the fuck did you do this time?”

Feeling how Tina tensed, Gavin jumped in before she likely tore Hank a new one. “Not guilty, but I’m going to get her out of here before this gets really ugly. Fowler’s already cleared it, so you don’t have to go chasing. Catch a break on and of your leads?” 

“Nope, it was a big fucking waste. Totally not worth it,” Hank growled in annoyance. 

“Well, it might brighten your day to know that Nines is trying very hard to look busy but failing spectacularly as he waits for you. Why don’t you put the poor guy out of his misery?” Gavin laughed, a genuine if small smile coming to his face as Hank vanished inside. He then turned back to Connor and felt his insides melt a little. Even now, he still thought Connor looked radiant and only wanted him to be happy. Maybe he would be after all of this.

Connor noticed how Gavin was looking at him and cocked his head a little. “Gavin, is everything okay?” he asked gently.

“Yeah, everything’s going to be fine,” Gavin replied earnestly while guiding Tina away. He’d just got a few more steps with her when he looked down at his covered left hand, knowing that there was nothing of natural skin now: the black spot which had condemned him swallowed by the rest of the Decay. Connor might be the one who put it there but Gavin didn’t blame him for it, not after everything that had happened.

Gavin turned back with a soft smile and nodded at Connor. “See you, Connor,” he said warmly while leading Tina outside, ready to face his oncoming doom.

It might have been a shorter life than he planned, but Gavin was going to greet death with his head held high, and his dignity intact. And all things considered, that was a real achievement.

Now he just had to spend his last remaining days assuring Tina that she’d done everything possible for him, and to not mourn him too much. That was going to be a challenge unlike any other.

* * *

Connor turned back and watched as both Gavin and Tina left the precinct, wondering what could have caused such a reaction with the pair. He contemplated messaging Gavin to ask more but he could see that whatever was going on was personal to Tina. Maybe it was best that he didn’t stick his nose into something that looked like it was between best friends.

Wandering through to the bullpen, Connor smiled at seeing Nines had arrived and was talking with Hank. An invisible weight had been lifted off both of them since the update went live three nights ago, though Connor was sure neither of them realised just how much they’d been affected by its existence. Now that they had confirmation that there was no-one else who could potentially interfere with their relationship (intentionally or not), they seemed even more content than before.

In between their talking Nines noticed Connor and nodded for the older android to come across. “Connor. Good, you’re finally back. I’ve been wondering what kept you two.”

Giving Nines a strange look, Connor scowled at him as the android held a hand out for an interface. “What’s wrong?” he asked while taking the white hand in front of him, accepting the data burst when the prompt came up on his HUD.

“Sounds like you guys were getting the raw end of the deal with the dream update, Con. Nines has just been telling me that the damn thing was buggy.”

As Connor looked through the update and installed it, Nines nodded. “It’s true. We knew that the potential was there for newer models to be incompatible with the update but that was established when the android tried to install it. Only yesterday Markus realised through talking with someone who later revealed themselves as his own soulmate did he realise that it wasn’t working completely for others despite being installed.”

“Wait, Markus has a soulmate?” Connor said while absorbing the news. “Who is it?”

“Curiously, he wouldn’t tell me. I don’t think he knows what to do with the knowledge himself and how their relationship will develop yet,” the RK900 commented before going on. “It turns out that there’s a line of coding specific to the RK line that was preventing the update from fully connecting with our mind palace – it wasn’t colliding with any other software, unlike the other androids, but it wasn’t detailed enough to be integrated fully. This is a patch that Markus confirmed works for him, so should also now work for us.”

Connor froze at the implications. When he’d first downloaded the update days ago and saw nothing, he’d simply accepted that he had no soulmate as he didn’t see a Garden like others had described. Now that he knew the software had been faulty, a nervousness settled inside of him again. There could still be someone out there that he was bound to and he wasn’t sure what that meant yet.

“Have you tested it?” he questioned quietly. 

“I have, I was trialled this morning at Jericho where they could make sure the patch was compatible with my model. I still saw no Garden, but the update was definitely working. I simply have no soulmate, as I originally assumed.” Hank’s smile was weighted - he’d been both happy and sad at the news when it had first broke and now was no different. Connor could see how torn Hank was, but ultimately, he was happy for his friends: there was now nothing to interfere with their young romance.

“Might be worth you testing it out now, Con,” Hank suggested. “While Nines is here and all that?”

“If both Nines and Markus are working there is no reason why I shouldn’t too,” Connor argued. “We have much to do today so I can’t spend time testing the update – it can wait until after our shifts are done tonight.”

“You sure? I mean, it’s not gonna matter if you take ten minutes to run a little test. I’ve still gotta work through everything we brought back and log it as evidence. Go and see: I’m sure that you’re dying to know,” Hank smirked, to which Connor scowled. Was it really that obvious that he wanted to know if he had a soulmate or not? “I think almost everyone’s been super curious about their soulmate, so it’s not a bad thing to want to know. Nines, go with him and make sure it’s all working according to plan?”

Nines nodded and walked towards an interview suite. Connor made a point of staring at Hank for a few more seconds before the lieutenant gave an amused look and waved him away. Relenting with a sigh, Connor followed Nines as the other android peeled back his synthskin to show the chassis on both of his hands.

“I won’t be able to see if you dream anything, but I can run analysis of your mind palace to see if it is reacting as expected to the update,” Nines explained. “Whatever you see is private to you, so I will not be invading on your privacy.”

Oddly, that hadn’t occurred to Connor. He just wanted to know the truth now – after having already accepted that he had no soulmate he wanted to put any remaining debate to bed. “Thank you for clarifying Nines but there was no concern in my mind,” Connor smiled. “I know you are very good with secrets and I would trust you with this.”

Eventually Connor was as ready as he felt he could be. Taking a last moment to prepare himself, he closed his eyes and slipped into stasis.

When he blinked them open again he was in the Zen Garden, somewhere he hadn’t been since the revolution and his final showdown with Amanda, but it was…deeply unsettling. The Garden was overshadowed with a thick fog and the pathways were littered with what looked like black debris. Connor couldn’t see out past a few feet and he felt his circuits thrum unhappily. This… this couldn’t be right.

“Hello?” he called, walking through the mist to try and see if anyone was there. His hopes weren’t high – maybe this was the Zen Garden program interfering with the dream update and creating a hazy nightmare.

He stepped out on to the bridge but as he advanced, he noticed the styling of the bridge changed. It morphed from the red painted wood to a white metal, though the paint was flaking and the structure beneath was rusting horribly. When it juddered all of a sudden Connor froze, not wanting to cause it to collapse. In an effort to find where he could make a safe exit his eyes caught on a figure obscured by the mists, but even from there he could say who it **looked** like. 

“Gavin?” he whispered before shouting across instead. "Gavin?!"

Before Connor could get an answer, the bridge beneath him collapsed and he fell into the icy cold water.

He jolted back to consciousness so fast that even Nines jumped in surprise. “That was…unexpected. Your stress levels seemed to go up, Connor. What did you see?” the RK900 asked in concern.

“It was the Zen Garden, but it was- The whole scene was overshadowed with a thick fog and everything seemed heavy around me,” he relayed with an LED strobing red frantically. “I thought I saw someone but a bridge that I was walking on crumbled before I could identify them clearly. They didn't answer me when I shouted for them.”

Nines’ LED started spinning yellow. “That doesn’t sound like anything that has been reported thus far. I wonder if your possession of the Zen Garden program is interfering with the update?”

Connor sighed in frustration. “Just my luck…”

“Even if that is the case, Connor, we can solve it – and there is one pivotal moment to take from this. You **do** have a soulmate it seems. There was someone there in the Garden.”

That caused the older android to sit upright in surprise. “You’re right. I…I hadn’t even acknowledged that. Now I just need to find out who they are.”

Even with some analysis of the coding Nines couldn’t see anything which would cause Connor’s dream to be so nightmarish, but he was adamant that the result was probably a glitch. With a promise to study it further Connor walked back through to the bullpen, only to find Hank looking at his monitor sadly. That was the last thing he expected to see of his partner. “Hank? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’, Con. Just some upsetting news is all,” Hank brushed off quietly while picking up the bags which were still on the desk. “I need to log all of this – I’ll be back in a minute.”

Connor watched him go in surprise, wondering why Hank would keep something that was clearly distressing him under wraps. LED still circling red at the strange turns of events that morning had taken, Connor couldn’t help but look up at Gavin’s desk and wonder what he and Tina were now doing.

_I wonder…were you really who I saw? Or was that just wishful thinking because I’m constantly worried about you?_


	11. Be Happy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ummm...All I'm going to say before this chapter is that I'm sorry. I know this will leave a lot of you screaming.
> 
> **runs away and hides**
> 
> **Edit** : Something insane has happened and the incredible Mari has gifted me an amazing piece for art for the ending of this chapter. I'll include links to her social media accounts at the bottom, please go and scream at her for this **gorgeous** artwork!

**Stage Four: Slumber**

When the Decay reaches the stage of a victim’s heart, it is traditionally considered the sign of the end.

Once the marks of death ensnare the heart, that is when the body finally heralds its surrender. Some yield quickly, others take months to reach that stage – but all end the same. After the pain and suffering, the body enters a well-earned sleep to give the soul some relief before its end.

The Slumber is seen by many relatives as the time to mourn, so that once the victim finally passes at the end of their reprieve (which can be hours or days, it is believed to the relative to how long someone has lived with the Withering prior to their end), their absence is not so bitter. Instead their loved ones take a small relief in that their departed one is finally at peace.

Some theorise, however, that the Slumber is a last stand. There are some souls which refuse to vanish without seeing their soulmate one last time. Once a victim falls back into Slumber, soulmates that have rejected them report that it is possible to see their Garden – and their fated person – one final time before the end comes.

Whether it be last words borne of spite, or something more heartfelt in goodbye, the victim waits until the pair have met within their Garden before relenting and surrendering to oblivion.

Or at least, that’s one theory. Given that all of this is taking place in dreams, there is a great amount of debate on whether those who rejected their soulmates are simply projecting out of guilt – or are actually bearing witness to a living person’s last thinking moments.

* * *

Everything was such a mystery – Connor just couldn’t figure it out.

From when Nines passed across the patch to now, Connor couldn’t unravel the conundrum which was his Garden. He’d never heard of another person (android or human) whose Garden had been consumed by such a fog that he couldn’t even **see** his soulmate. The whole situation was unbelievably frustrating and he just wished there was something he could do in fixing whatever was wrong.

Unfortunately talking to both Nines and Hank was of no assistance since neither of them had soulmates, they couldn’t pass across anything of their own experience. Hank had some stories to share but nothing that really gave Connor any answers. Far as any of them could tell, it was some side-effect of Connor having the Zen Garden program which was colliding with the dream update. The two were merging into one and the interference was blocking Connor from getting a clean connection.

Every time Connor went into stasis he tried to reach a little further. He ventured around the Zen Garden as much as he could but all he found was that the program seemed to be damaged. All of the surroundings which he finally managed to see were blurred and slightly off-colour, they almost looked like a still from an older photograph. Not alive, almost as if frozen in time.

No matter what he tried, however, he just could not get across that bridge that led to the unknown – to his soulmate. It broke apart regardless of whether he was feather light in his steps, charged or even tried to leap across it.

And it meant that he could never get close enough to see who was on the other side.

All Connor had was a silhouette, nothing else. Only a profile to try and work out who was so tantalisingly close and yet out of reach. Part of Connor was adamant that it was Gavin, but another part of him thought that he might just be projecting his conscious thoughts into his efforts to dream and find his soulmate.

It meant that his dreaming hours were just as frustrating as his waking ones.

Two days had now passed since Gavin was last seen in the precinct and Connor couldn’t help but worry. He’d been messaging the other man constantly since he’d found out from Fowler that Gavin was signed off again, but the detective hadn’t given anything away. He’d been sending some admittedly questionable photos that made Connor wonder just what he was up to while off ill…but every query he’d sent Gavin’s way about helping him had been shot down.

_Are you sure I can’t bring you anything to make things easier, Gavin?_

**_Nah, I’m cool, dipshit. Honestly. I’ve got Teenie here and she’s not going to let me want for anything. I’m good, don’t worry about it._ **

That was nineteen hours ago now – and Connor’s last six messages had not been seen. He wondered if Gavin was so ill that he couldn’t look at his phone, which caused him to worry all the more. Gavin’s behaviour was not giving him confidence and Connor wished that he has Tina’s details now. It would have been so much better if he could contact her and hopefully get some answers. There was a severe temptation there to hack the DPD servers for her phone number.

But he’d also noticed that Hank had been withdrawn since Gavin had last been seen at the precinct. Connor realised that whatever the old man had seen and upset him had something to do with Gavin, and the android’s mind had been whirling to try and work out why. Perhaps Gavin had passed on something more about his condition? If he had, Hank was being tight-lipped about it. The one time that Connor straight up asked Hank about if he knew what was wrong with Gavin, the lieutenant had not given a very comforting answer.

**_“Look, Con. Those that Gavin wants to know what’s wrong with him…they know, okay? If he didn’t tell you then I can’t – that would be breaching his trust. I’m sorry.”_ **

That was another layer of frustration that Connor couldn’t help himself with. He wished there was at least **something** he could do to try and make a little sense of the spiral that was starting to consume his life.

After another fruitless day at the precinct he decided to take an early finish for the first time in his life. Hank realised that Connor was beyond distracted and had managed to figure out why, to which he offered the android an idea. “Con, why don’t you go around to Gavin’s place and see if he’ll open up for you? If you show up at his apartment he might let you in,” Hank suggested gently.

“But…what if Gavin’s not well enough for company?” Connor asked worriedly. “He’s not answering me and I’m-it’s not like him.”

Hank’s eyes lit in slight realisation before shadowing all the more. Connor wondered at the complexity of the expression as Hank went on, voice thick with some fusion of emotion that Connor couldn’t decipher. “Head on over there. You might get some answers, who knows?”

Following Hank’s lead, Connor ventured across town to where he’d learned was Gavin’s address. It was strange to make this journey for someone that he had such a chequered past with but Gavin was different now, there was no mistaking that. In the past several months their dynamic had changed to something unrecognisable from what it was before and Connor didn’t want to lose that. He and Gavin had grown into something during that awful kidnapping case and he wanted to keep that close – the stuffed rabbit that Gavin had passed him from Annabelle still sat on Connor’s desk to this day, as a testament to their joint achievement.

The building was not what Connor thought it would be – unlike many of the more modern buildings in this section of the city, it seemed to be of much older architecture. Restored and repurposed as housing from what Connor learned was once a hotel after a brief internet search. His mind was spinning with what could be the history of the building but now was not the time indulge in a history lesson. Instead he purposefully strode inside and headed to Gavin’s floor.

Arriving on the right landing, Connor was nervous as he walked up to the door. Would Gavin even want to see him or let him in if he was feeling so poorly? Well, it would be a waste not to try after having journeyed so far. He knocked gently at the front door, calculating how much force would be necessary for the sound to carry through based off the floor plan. “Gavin, are you home?” he called afterwards, waiting for any reply. When there was nothing, Connor tried again. “Gavin?”

A quick scan proved that there was no sign of movement and Connor was curious when he couldn’t detect anything with a heat scan either. Was Gavin not home? He couldn’t think where else the detective would be if he was in a poor way – except maybe with Tina.

That alleviated one worry at least: Gavin wasn’t at home alone, potentially stranded while needing assistance. If he wasn’t there then surely he’d be with someone else? On a whim, he decided to send another message just in case Gavin saw it and replied.

_I came by your apartment but it appears that you are not in. Can you please at least let me know that you are well, Gavin? I’m concerned about you._

It felt a little less personal than Connor wanted to make it and he frown upon reading back the sent message. It didn’t really come across how Connor intended it.

_Gavin, please let me know that you’re okay. I know that you have been unwell for months now but you’ve never been absent for so long. I…I really need to talk to you about something._

The last bit slipped across into the message before Connor had consciously thought about it and he blinked in surprise. He didn’t want to talk to Gavin about anything specific, did he?

Except he did – it was the logic circuits built into Connor that were arguing back and reasoning that he needed more evidence before approaching the detective. Connor’s mind was pointing out that there was no logical reason for it to be Gavin who was in his dreams: the detective would have surely said something by now if they were soulmates? Or was he not doing anything because he wasn’t interested-

No, Connor cut that thought off before it could get started. If Gavin didn’t want to be around him then there was no explaining how they’d suddenly grown so much closer in recent months. It made a gentle smile come to Connor’s face as he thought about how they’d kind of not followed any stable path with the nature of their dynamic. They’d gone from enemies to colleagues, then colleagues to acquaintances. In a way they’d sort of skipped the friends stage because they hadn’t ever really talked before being partnered together…but they’d almost become confidantes. Connor trusted Gavin now and cared about him.

Frustration built inside Connor as he scanned the apartment one last time to confirm that no-one was inside. He suspected that Gavin was at Tina’s but so long as the other man wasn’t alone, that was Connor’s primary concern gone.

Speaking with Gavin could wait until tomorrow – until Connor finally got some answers. He **needed** to work out what was happening with his Garden.

* * *

It took another four attempts at stasis before something changed.

Rather than waiting for nightfall and trying to keep to what would be akin to a human’s sleep pattern, Connor kept overwriting the prompts which were telling him that he was in optimal condition. He needed to be in stasis to access the dream update and see that version of the Zen Garden, simply entering it via conventional means just brought up the usual appearance.

The wait for each deep diagnostic scan to finish and come back to tell Connor that nothing was wrong was **infuriating**. Connor was traditionally patient but waiting for what turned out to useless information was testing that patience to the extreme.

On his fourth attempt that night, Connor could instantly tell that something was different. He had no idea why things had changed…but they had.

Instead of the Zen Garden being overshadowed by the fog, it was caught in the rays of a dying sunset. The warm colours were highlighting the Garden in a way that Connor had not seen before and his circuits twisted as he finally saw the changes from the basic programming. Black branches, almost burned in appearance, were scattered across all of the pathways and decayed leaves were so far gone that they’d almost becoming sludge-like puddles. There were a few more of the dead traces of nature that had floated down into the pond, which the fish were investigating eagerly.

What he couldn’t understand was how this had all appeared when his own Garden was perfectly intact. The many trees were standing tall and flowering, swaying gently towards the end where Connor now knew that accursed bridge stood, and all of the blooms around the pond were tilted towards the setting sun. To see all of this…carnage and devastation did not make sense.

It was only once Connor looked up towards the bridge that had been almost taunting him that he finally understood.

Beyond the bridge was a small platform where there was a lone stone bench, while past that at the other side of the tiny island was another bridge just like the one that had kept collapsing. Connor’s breath caught at seeing Gavin sitting upon the bench, staring up at the chaos which was surrounding the intermediary point between the two islands.

The trees of the Zen Garden were bowed towards what seemed to be a spiral of wind rising into a void above where the two gardens met. Everything was dancing in a vortex of water, flowers, branches and stone which seemed to work against gravity, rising into the endless sky. From Gavin’s side however, now that he was striding closer, Connor could see that the corresponding versions from the Garden on the opposite side were all **_dead_**. Blackened and decaying branches, wilted and greyed flowers. Decomposing leaves and broken ornaments…It was a wasteland, not a colour in sight. All that was left were varying tones of grey which morphed into black.

Connor’s side was vibrant and bright, whereas looking beyond Gavin, Connor could see that the human’s side was completely lifeless. All of the trees were bare and blackened and the paths themselves were destroyed. Torn up and broken, everything about it screamed ruin.

“Gavin, what is going on here?” Connor asked as he came to a stop beside the bench, so confused by what was happening. He was amazed that he’d been right and Gavin was his soulmate after all, but with everything that was transpiring around them…

Gavin smiled ruefully and looked around. “Fuck if I know, I didn’t think it would be possible for us to meet like this,” he said resignedly. “I’ve no idea how any of this works considering I’m a human and you’re an android.”

“What _is_ this place, Gavin? I don’t understand,” Connor tried again. “This is…this is my dream, yes? How has it become something like this?”

The android was even more confused when Gavin just laughed brokenly. “We’re in each other’s dream, Connor, and I’ve got to say, this isn’t what I expected to find if I ever managed to sleep again. This is...a bit of a nightmare, honestly.”

“None of this makes sense – when I found out that I had a Garden after all, I didn’t think it would be anything like…this. I’ve looked up so many stories but this isn’t-people don’t describe Gardens like this,” the android lamented.

Gavin’s smile turned sad as he looked towards Connor. “For humans this doesn’t happen - once events start neither party comes back here I don’t think. I guess you guys have changed up a few more mechanics of our world than we’d already discovered.”

He stood and turned to face the android properly. “You’ll find out when you wake up, I really don’t have a lot of time here. I can already feel myself slipping away.” Gavin took the android’s hand and placed a cloth inside it, which Connor could see from the shape held something inside it. “Here, you should take this – it’s yours anyway. As weird as this is...I’m glad I got to see you here after all. Fulfilled a hope of mine right at the end.”

Connor grabbed Gavin’s hand with his free one as the other tried to pull back and didn’t let the man go. “No, you’re not getting to leave me with more riddles, Gavin!” Connor cried out. “My mind has been awhirl for so long to try and figure out what is wrong with you, how I can help you…You can’t just leave me here with even more questions!”

His lost and desperate tone struck something deep inside Gavin, and even though he could feel his body starting to be pulled from their joined Garden, he figured there was nothing left to lose now. With a last deep breath, Gavin pulled Connor towards him and kissed him gently. It was feather light, barely more than a brush of lips, but with it came a deep sense of peace in Gavin. He’d finally had the chance to kiss his soulmate and understand the sense of belonging that came with it. If this was to be their last moment together, he was glad this was it.

What he didn’t expect was that once Connor got past his initial shock, the android wrapped his arms around Gavin gently and kissed right back. All of the remaining tension in Gavin’s body melted away and he went willingly when Connor pulled him closer, almost desperately. A tear slid down Gavin’s cheek as he felt the force that was pulling him away from the Garden get stronger, no matter how much he wanted to fight it.

It was too late, he was out of time. Gavin knew he could only get a few more words out and it was time to make them count.

“Goodbye, Connor,” he whispered as they parted, leaving the android with one last peck. “For what it’s worth, I don’t blame you for any of this. Be happy...and take care.”

Before Connor could reply, Gavin seemed to freeze on the spot and began to dissolve into ash. “Gavin?! No!” Connor tried to pull him close again but all he caught was dust, which caused the image of Gavin that barely remained to vanish into nothing; lost to the wind and climbing chaos that surrounded him.

Connor opened his hands and stared at the powder inside them, shaking in confusion, to which he then realised that it had also coated the cloth bundle that Gavin had handed him. Still trembling, Connor peeled the canvas away and gasped at what lay inside.

It was the rabbit that Annabelle had given Gavin: the thank you that Gavin had given to Connor because he was so adamant that the android deserved the full credit of finding her. Connor couldn’t help but look down at the toy now, and wish he’d insisted that Gavin keep it – Gavin was the one who had pushed himself to breaking point to find her but no-one else had really seen the extent of the detective’s efforts.

What made Connor stare now, however, was the mixture of what looked like ash and black ink which stained the rabbit’s whole body. Why was that there?

Why did that feel like a final goodbye?

Connor’s lips tingled a little as he swallowed down a panicked sob, suddenly stricken at the loss. “Gavin?! Gavin, where are you?!” he screamed, searching around in vain.

There was no answer, save for Connor’s Garden to be now overshadowed in its own grey pallor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That artwork has given me such chills, thank you so much Mari! I'm in utter awe of your talent and so humbled that you gifted that art to me ❤️❤️❤️
> 
> Please check out her [Twitter](https://twitter.com/nyiloire), [Tumblr](https://uniquewonderlandrunaway.tumblr.com/) and [AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AzrielWinchester/pseuds/AzrielWinchester)
> 
> Keep in mind the tags! There's still 4 chapters of this left!


	12. Confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, er...yeah, a lot of you were screaming at me for the last chapter (deservedly so). I think there will be a fair few more this time, but these events are long overdue.
> 
> Because I shared it with someone in the comments, I'm also going to add a little something here. In case anybody wants to listen to it, the song that I've been associating as the 'theme' of this fic can be found [here](https://youtu.be/FN5mFLSCeW0). The song is called **_Greater Than Life_** , of which both the vocal and instrumental versions are incredible (I personally prefer the feels that the instrumental version gives, it's what I've been listening to pretty much on loop as I've written this fic)
> 
> Anyway, we're almost at the end of this journey. Keep holding on to that happy ending tag because it is coming, even if there's more pain waiting first.

Before Connor was even out of stasis his LED was ablaze – solid red reflecting off all of the walls in at the sun began to dip below the horizon. It overshadowed the room and gave it hostile aura as he finally jolted alert again. Though he didn’t need to breathe Connor couldn’t help but pant frantically, a hand coming up to clench over his thirium pump as if it could stop the emotional pain which was echoing through him from his time in the Garden.

All of Connor’s processes were focused in on those moments, replaying every little detail as he tried to make even a sort of vague sense of what he’d just seen and experienced.

His sensors were still hyper aware of everything that he’d seen and _felt_. Humans had been known to comment on the realism of dreams, and Connor himself remembered how the sensations from when Amanda tried to freeze him in the Garden had followed him back through to reality. This felt just as intense as that ice which seemed to settle between the seams of his chassis; if not more so.

Even now the ghost of that (Connor hated himself for thinking it) goodbye kiss could still be felt on his lips. The emotional turmoil of before was now dwarfed by a sudden sense of loss that had Connor beyond confused.

How could he have suddenly reached Gavin in his dreams, only for his soulmate to suddenly be snatched away?

Sitting upright in his bedroom was going to do nothing. Connor needed to speak to someone about what he’d seen and experienced, if for nothing else just to get it off his chest. Before he’d truly given it conscious thought Connor had called Hank as he busied himself with redressing and getting ready to leave.

**“Con, you okay?”** the older man answered.

“Hank, I-Please, I need to come over, I need-” His voice caught on a sob out of nowhere and that simple action told Hank that Connor was in a lot of distress.

**“Shit, you want me to come by instead or are you sure you want to come here? Nines is at Jericho so it’s just me and Sumo,”** Hank asked in concern. **“Fuck, Con, you sound distraught. What’s happened?”**

“I don’t know, I finally got the update working and I-I think something terrible has happened. I’ve pinged for an auto cab and should be at yours in sixteen minutes once it arrives. Hank I’m-”

**“Don’t you dare apologise. You need a friend and that’s what I’m here for. Just get yourself here safe, we can talk about anything you need once you come home.”**

That sent a wave of relief through Connor. Even though he hadn’t been living with Hank for months, the older man always made the point of reminding Connor that it would always be a home to the android if he needed it; and right now, he most certainly did. “Thank you, Hank. I’ll be there soon.”

The line disconnected and Connor tracked the taxi impatiently, his mind wanting to fire in so many directions as it tried to get itself under control. He’d never felt himself be so… **lost**. It was like he was in a spiral that he couldn’t break out of, a descent into so many negative and overwhelming emotions. Was this what drowning felt like in a metaphorical sense? Connor felt like he couldn’t right himself and he needed the support of the wall to keep standing straight.

A prompt appeared on his HUD to declare that the taxi had arrived and Connor speedily finished getting ready. With a series of missions now showing on his HUD he could finally regain some control and set about accomplishing them, he would have a lot more time to dwell in the taxi on the way over to Hank’s.

**PRIMARY OBJECTIVES:**

**[REACH HANK’S HOUSE]  
[CONTACT GAVIN]  
[FIND GAVIN]**

**SECONDARY OBJECTIVES:**

**[DISCOVER SOURCE OF ANXIETY AND UNEASE]  
[CONTACT NINES ABOUT EXPERIENCE IN ZEN GARDEN]  
[CONTACT TINA ABOUT GAVIN’S WHEREABOUTS]  
[DISCOVER GAVIN’S AFFLICTION]**

Once he was seated in the taxi and it was en route to Hank’s, Connor couldn’t help but stare at the last of the objectives which were showing on his HUD. Something inside of Connor was now screaming at him to pay attention to all of the symptoms that Gavin had exhibited up until now in more detail. He couldn’t help but think back to some of Gavin’s words from when Connor was in the Garden – the logical part of Connor’s mind was telling him that it was dream and should not be taken as fact, but his emotions were **screeching** for the android to sit up and take notice.

**_“For humans this doesn’t happen - once events start neither party comes back here I don’t think. I guess you guys have changed up a few more mechanics of our world than we’d already discovered.”_ **

_What mechanics could Gavin mean? The only thing that androids have recently affected is-_

Connor’s systems stuttered as an option presented itself. Androids had been focused for some time on how they affected the dynamics of soulmates and with finding Gavin in his Garden, Connor now realised that he did have someone that he was fated to. In their world, however, being bonded to someone was sometime a curse rather than a blessing.

Unlike the poets and romantics who waxed lyrical about how you would find your true meaning with your soulmate, the reality was much crueller. Many who were fated to another met a vicious end through no fault of their own.

**[The Symptoms of Withering]**

  * **Insomnia**
  * **Skin Necrosis**
  * **Organ Decay**
  * **Vomiting**
  * **Physical Fatigue**
  * **Paranoia**
  * **Mental Fatigue**



**Eventual Result: Death via Total Organ Failure**  
**No Known Treatment or Cure  
**100% Mortality Rate****

If androids were capable of vomiting, Connor knew that he would have just projected his sudden horror and disgust all over the back of the cab. Everything fitted Gavin’s symptoms perfectly and Connor cursed himself for not realising what was happening earlier.

“Gavin, why did you not say anything?!” he whispered desperately into the taxi. “Why didn’t you talk to me and we could have-”

The words died in Connor’s throat as he swore a fragment of himself went with it – Withering wasn’t just something that people fell victim to like a normal disease. They were afflicted with it because of the actions of another: their soulmate rejecting them.

_No! No I never rejected him! There’s no way that I did this to him!_

Connor spent the rest of the journey across to Hank’s trying frantically to find anything in his memory bank which could have possibly led to this. The easiest way to prove that this prognosis was incorrect was within his own memories – if there was at no point where he conceivably rejected Gavin then it was impossible that his soulmate was Withering. Literally any other affliction would be better as nothing else would condemn Gavin to death, there was a small chance of him surviving.

A choked noise of despair was swallowed behind Connor’s hand, it raising to the android’s mouth as he finally found the clip from 5 months ago at the precinct: where Gavin asked about them potentially spending more time together after his apology for how he acted during the revolution. Connor replayed the clip over and over in his head, to which he started crying silently.

That was it. That was where Connor had, completely unintentionally, condemned Gavin to an agonising death.

Gavin must have known by then that they were soulmates – humans were aware of android soulmates from when an android first became deviant – which made Connor feel all the worse. All this time Gavin hadn’t just been ill, he’d been **dying.**

No matter how he’d once regarded Gavin with disdain an suspicion for what happened before, Connor would **never** have wished such a fate upon anyone. Especially not someone that he’d now come to care for so much.

Connor didn’t notice the taxi pull up in front of Hank’s house, or the honk of its horn to urge the passenger to leave. The only thing which cut through the fog of Connor’s sudden heartbreak and guilt was when he felt large hands pulling on his shoulders and guiding him out of the automobile to guide him inside.

The android could feel Hank’s concerned eyes on him, even as the older man set Connor down on the sofa and went through to the kitchen to grab a cup of warmed thirium that he’d already prepared. By the time Hank came back, he found that Sumo was burying his muzzle into Connor’s stomach, the dog having instantly picked on the android’s distraught mood and had forced his way between the android’s legs to whine up at him.

Hank sent a surreptitious message to Nines as he sat down again, wrapping the old blanket from the back of the sofa around Connor as he gave the android time to collect his thoughts. He’d never seen Connor is such a dissociative state, Hank was beyond worried. “Con, what happened? Your LED is stuck on a solid red and I’m not like you guys: I can’t scan your vitals but I can tell that your stress levels are through the roof. What’s wrong? Tell me, please,” he pleaded softly.

In truth, Connor hadn’t actually once taken a look at his stress levels since he’d started his spiral. Now that Hank had pointed them out, Connor couldn’t help but wince when he saw the number 89 flash up as his percentage reading flashed up on his HUD. “I…I found my soulmate,” the android sobbed, to which Hank inhaled sharply.

“Oh fuck. What did they say, Con? They didn’t reject you did they?” Connor could hear the sudden panic in Hank’s voice and that caused him to sob harshly again. The worry in Hank’s voice made Connor wonder just how many people he’d affected after unintentionally causing such damage. Who would Gavin have had this very conversation with?

“No, no I…Hank, **I** rejected him, but it was an accident! I didn’t mean to! I didn’t know and now that I’ve finally seen him, I think that I- Fuck, Hank, I think I’ve killed him,” Connor broke down, his tears dripping into Sumo’s fur. The dog whined in ever more distress, not knowing what to do at seeing Connor so upset but Hank had frozen on what Connor just admitted.

“What…? Con, how could you have rejected someone? There’s no-one that you know who you’d do that to, is there?” Rejection was always a tricky subject and Hank was struggling to understand Connor through his panic. “Take a few deep breaths, Con, you’re going to hurt yourself if you don’t get your stress levels under control.”

Hands began to rub at Connor’s arms through the blanket and the android felt so undeserving of the care being shown. Once he’d obeyed and paused for a few seconds to try and speak again without bubbling into another mess, he looked up at Hank with tear-filled eyes. “It’s Gavin, Hank. Gavin’s who was in my Garden. He’s my soulmate.”

All the blood drained from Hank’s face and he swore heartfully under his breath. “Gavin? Jesus fuck…of all the ways. **Shit** , why the fuck didn’t the bastard say it was you?! We could have maybe done something to make this easier for both of you!”

Connor rounded on Hank accusingly, suddenly remembering something. “Wait, Hank…you knew that Gavin was Withering, didn’t you? You’ve known that he’s dying.”

Hank slumped with a sigh and stared down at the floor. “Yeah, yeah I’ve known for a while. Not because Gavin told me, but because Nines realised what was going on. He put the pieces together from when they were watching us with Harriet. Apparently, the way Gavin reacted tipped Nines to the fact that her story was hitting Gavin hard and he did a scan. Much as I chewed him out for breaking Gavin’s privacy like that…it meant that Nines could be there for Gavin a bit over the past couple of months. Nines only told me because I was wondering where he kept getting to at night, and Gavin told Nines to let me know the truth.”

The world around the android spun again, overcome with the knowledge that others had known about Gavin’s true condition for so long. “Do you know who else knows…?” he whispered.

“Far as I can tell, just Tina and Fowler. Jeffrey and I had a long talk just after Nines told me and I found out that Gavin’s been Withering for a long time. Tina’s probably known just as long but I haven’t spoken to her, she’s surely got enough on her mind as it is. I don’t think Gavin told anyone that you were his soulmate though. Fuck…” Hank put his head in his hands and groaned into them, the information a lot to absorb. Connor was unsurprised by his reaction.

The phone sitting on the coffee table started ringing and when the pair saw Nines’ name flash up on the screen, Hank winced. “Con, I told him that you were in a bad way and I’m sure he’s calling to ask how you are. You mind if I…?” Connor nodded once to confirm that he was fine with Hank answering Nines, his mind already spinning with the knowledge that so many others had known about Gavin’s condition.

He was cursing himself for not following his instincts and scanning Gavin when he had the chance. Could things have changed between them for these past months? What would have become of the bond that they’d slowly forged if they’d both been weighed down with the knowledge of Connor’s role in Gavin’s eventual demise? Would that have been hurdle too far? Or could it maybe have led to something more?

As he began to lose himself in a spiral of ‘what ifs’, Connor was startled by Hank suddenly leaping upright off the couch of a shout. **“Fucking Christ!** Nines, remind me the pester you to be a part-time investigator when we get the chance, you’re a fucking genius!” When Hank raced through to the kitchen and began digging through a drawer, Connor was even more confused. That finally culminated in a key being thrown at Connor, which the android caught instinctively.

When he stared at Hank in astonishment, he saw that Hank had hung up the phone and was hastily starting to get his shoes on. “Con, Nines reminded me about what happened at Jericho with the dream update trials. If this really was an accident, you can stop Gavin’s Withering!”

Connor’s systems froze for a second before sparking back into life, the sudden hope making his focus sharpen again. “Do you know where he is?” Connor asked while standing himself, trying to brush his tears away.

“No, but that’s a key to Gavin’s place. Fowler gave it to me for going around after…” Hank left the rest unsaid as he refocused, “but you can use that to get inside!” Connor was suddenly alight with the revelation and gently disentangled himself from Sumo.

“Look, Con…” the android paused for a moment at Hank’s words, realising that his severe expression was back. “If you saw Gavin in the Garden again then it probably means that he’s into the fourth stage of Withering. He’s asleep now, his body’s ready to give up. So even if you find him…”

The implication was heavy but Connor nodded in determination. “I know, I’ve been thinking that myself – but I’ve got to try. I’m not just going to let him die when I can stop this. I owe it to him.”

* * *

Connor was given the keys to Hank’s car, now that time was of the essence. Nines would be picking up Hank from the house as soon as he made it free from Jericho, which gave Connor a head start to Gavin’s apartment. He wasn’t convinced that he would find his soulmate there but it was the most logical place to being his search. Once upside was that Hank had passed across Tina’s number to Connor and he was frantically trying to connect with her as he sped through the city.

The line kept ringing off, which was not giving Connor confidence. If Hank’s suspicion was right and Gavin had fallen back asleep again in preparation for his end, then there was a high chance that Tina was in no fit state to notice her phone ringing. It solidified Connor’s need to reach them all the faster – he didn’t even feel guilty about the gross misuse of Hank’s lights to get through the traffic quicker, in his own mind it was justified.

Pulling up outside of Gavin’s block, Connor quickly locked the car before dashing up the stairs three at a time. He made it to Gavin’s door in almost no time and he quickly unlocked it using the key Hank had given him, bursting inside with a breathless shout. “Gavin?!”

Everything inside the apartment was still, not a single sign of life within it. Much like it had been only a few hours earlier when Connor had tried to knock in vain.

Despite time not being on his side, Connor took in the sight of the room around him with a heavy heart. He could pick up the faint remnants of disinfectant and other cleaning products in the air, as well as various air fresheners. Just a glance showed that the flat was spotless, almost looking untouched.

Gavin had cleaned it for whoever was to come around and deal with what was left after he was gone, which tore at Connor’s systems even more. He’d been doing so much to make life easier for those who remained after he was gone and it made the android wish he could turn back time – stop himself from saying such innocent words which had wrought untold damage.

Just before he was about to leave and hack the DPD database for Tina’s address (now that desperate that he didn’t care if he was persecuted for misuse of personal information) he spied the letters sitting on the cabinet in the kitchen. Connor’s LED hadn’t stopped showing as red since he’d awoken from stasis, but now it was blinking even faster as he read the cursive on the envelopes.

It was beautifully done, a lot of time and care had obviously gone into each letter and Connor’s vision glitched a little as he looked over the names. He skimmed across the letters intended for a few of Gavin’s closer colleagues at the DPD, his systems stuttering at seeing there were also ones for Gavin’s brothers mixed in with that pile, but he then stopped at the fan laid out specifically to the side of the main group.

Five names: Fowler, Hank, Nines, Tina and then  Connor.

He reached out with a trembling hand to take the one intended for him and he peeled the flap back carefully, not wanting to cause any damage to the contents. Once he at last had the paper out, Connor couldn’t help but sob again as he read the contents.

Connor,

It’s more than a little weird, doing this now. For months I’ve wondered about what I might have said to you should I have the chance. I’ve often thought if you’d laugh at me were I to tell you the truth, or would you simply nod and accept it? Would you say I deserved it and never look back?

Since I’ve gotten to know you, I know none of that is true now. It’s why I’ve finally decided that it’s better you don’t know until I’m already gone – or at least, you don’t know that I ended up daydreaming about you. It’s strange to admit to someone that you care about them on a piece of paper with no intention of ever admitting it to their face (it’s really not my style), but…here we go.

I don’t regret that you’re my soulmate, Connor. In fact, I think I’ve been pretty lucky. Given what I did to you during the revolution, I deserve this. It’s an appropriate balancing of the scales: life for a life and all that jazz. I just want you to be happy, you deserve it for all that you do to help others. Even grumpy, stubborn bastards like me.

Since this is it, I don’t see any point in lying to myself anymore. I love you, and I wish you the world.

Live as you choose – and enjoy the freedom of no soulmate to hold you back.

Take care of yourself, dipshit.

Connor’s hands were shaking so much that he barely noticed how the letter slid from his hands, his HUD instead filling with alerts about his spiking stress levels. Beyond all of that all, however, his systems locked on to that one beacon of hope that was left. It wasn’t much but he couldn’t give up – if he let Gavin go without a fight, Connor would never forgive himself.

**PRIMARY OBJECTIVES:**

**[FIND GAVIN AND TELL HIM THE TRUTH]**

**  
** He ruthlessly dismissed the warnings on his HUD, focused entirely on his new mission. The android raced from the apartment, barely remembering to lock the door behind him so that no opportunistic person would have the chance to raid Gavin’s home (because he was going to go home once Connor had fixed this, Connor was adamant of that), and sped downstairs. He leapt back into Hank’s car and set the light again, speeding through the traffic as he locked on to Tina’s address.

It was only ten minutes away so long as Connor kept to his present course. His systems warned him that he was approaching dangerous speeds as he resolved himself to bring that ETA down to eight minutes. He wasn’t going to waste a second more, not with Gavin’s life potentially on the line.

Connor came to a stop outside of a small housing estate. It was a new development with smaller builds aimed at professionals rather than families, somewhere perfect for individuals who wanted a break from the city life and to find a spot of quiet, without having to move outside the city bounds. He quickly locked up Hank’s car and his sight honed in Tina’s signature aqua blue one, sitting out on the driveway of the number which was attributed to being her home from the DPD records.

All of the blinds and curtains were shut, but Connor could make out the slivers of light from one room through the last light of the day that was reflecting off the building. The sunset was reminding Connor too much of his moments with Gavin in the Garden and it made the android’s circuits tighten once again in self-loathing before he strode up to the door and knocked insistently.

A quick thermal scan gave Connor hope: there were two readings inside, both consistent with humans adults. One male and one female. The female was in the front half of the house – in the lit room although had now stood to approach the door – while the male was in a bedroom upstairs, unmoving. Everything inside Connor felt like it was wound tight when the front door was finally opened and Tina stood on the other side, though it was clear that she’d been crying from her red rimmed eyes. “Connor? What are you doing here?” she asked unsteadily.

“Where is he, Tina?” Connor pleaded, to which Tina stared at him oddly. “Gavin. He’s here, isn’t he?” Her eyes shadowed and her whole posture slumped, to which Connor gently pressed against the front door to allow him more space. “Please, I need to see him. Let me in?”

Tina stepped away and brushed at an errant tear which escaped as Connor closed it behind him. “You’re too late, Connor,” she whispered. “If you’ve come to talk to Gavin, he’s- I don’t know if he told you but…”

“I know Gavin’s Withering,” was all he said, which caused Tina’s tears to rise forth again.

“Then you know what it means when I say that he’s asleep. He’s been suffering for long enough, Connor.” A small sob caught in her throat and Tina looked at him, heartbroken. “He’s tired and ready, I don’t know how long it’s going to be before he’s gone.”

Connor gave Tina a quick hug, which surprised the woman, before the android pulled back with steely-eyed determination. “He’s not getting to let go that easy,” he muttered before marching upstairs, Tina right behind him.

“No, Connor wait-!”

The android had already opened the door before Tina could stop him and Connor’s stress levels spiked at finally coming face-to-face with the unfiltered reality of what Gavin had been suffering.

Next to the bed lay a bucket with a black substance that Connor dared not scan, he was already well aware of what it would be and he refused to see the data which came from that. All it would do was drive home just how crippled Gavin’s body was. The man was lying peacefully on the bed, breathing light and body relaxed as he at last found some reprieve from the pain of the past five months.

Connor’s eyes locked on to Gavin’s left arm: seeing the blackened and degraded limb on full display was horrifying and he couldn’t stop himself from following the decay upwards. He could see where it ended just past Gavin’s shoulder and encroached on his chest but the rest was hidden beneath the black vest that the detective wore. Connor’s scans instead brought up the intricate weave of the dark and leeching veins which appeared to amalgamate over Gavin’s heart – a sign of how close he was to the end.

His legs threatened to buckle at finally seeing the evidence and Connor stumbled over to the bed, all too aware of Tina’s eyes following his every move. Connor came to a stop and knelt carefully next to the bed, reaching out to run a feather light hand over Gavin’s blackened limb.

“You never said anything,” the android whispered, wondering what to say now that he was finally here. “All that time, you never even hinted to anyone that you were suffering to such a degree. Was it pride, a refusal to accept pity, or you were trying to defy your fate for as long as possible?”

Tina’s breath caught when she saw Connor take Gavin’s hand and the android’s skin peeled. The contract between the black and white was striking, two opposites that were meeting in the middle as if for the first time. “I wish you’d at least told me that you were in such pain,” Connor sobbed. “I would have been there for you, but I- I can understand why you didn’t. I don’t actually know how you even talked or looked at me after I-”

His voice caught and Connor couldn’t sit there anymore. He instead shuffled up to sit next to Gavin on the bed, hip-to-hip, so that he could look at the dying detective’s features more intensely. How cruel was it that this was the first time Connor had seen him look truly peaceful? **Now** of all times?

“I’m sorry,” Connor cried, tears beginning to run down his cheeks again. “I never wanted to hurt you, even when I disliked you. Nothing merits this- especially not when I want you to stay, more than anything.”

Connor shuffled forwards a little more, leaving a kiss to Gavin’s hand before he leant down to press his forehead to Gavin’s. “I’ve never known you to give up, Gavin, so please don’t do it now,” he begged. “I saw it in your eyes, when we finally met in the Garden for the first time. You didn’t want to leave, you wanted to fight. Please, I need you here with me still. I don’t want to learn about what life is like without my soulmate at my side.”

Crying in earnest now, Connor let go of Gavin’s hand and brought both of his own up to cup the other man’s face as gently as he could. “Please, Gavin, you have to stay. Don’t leave me here alone – don’t make it so that I can never tell you the words you deserve to hear. Come back to me. _Please_.”

He pressed the softest kiss he could to Gavin’s lips and sobbed all the more, whispering words of apology over and over to where he’d bent into Gavin chest. Tina watched in disbelief from the door as she saw the android fall apart, finally putting the pieces together in her head. She’d never once thought that Connor would be Gavin’s soulmate…but it made a cruel sort of sense, in a way.

Gavin’s impending demise had been the factor which convinced the human to let his walls down and open himself up to Connor. He’d thought he’d nothing left to lose: but in the end they were both going to suffer in the cruellest way possible.

She didn’t know how long has passed before she stepped inside, laying a gentle hand to Connor’s back as the android continued to cry and plead. Tina didn’t know at this point if this was Connor’s version of grief as he came to terms with what lay ahead of if the android was praying for a miracle, but it was tearing her heart all the more just watching. If this really was an accident then it was beyond cruel.

As she bent to pick up Gavin’s limp hand (the position was making her wince, even if touching the blackened limb always made her want to be sick), she noticed that the light was reflecting off it strangely. Scowling, she turned it to see what was there which would cause such a reflection – only for the sight to steal her breath away.

“Connor. Connor, look!” she all but screamed. It was the frantic tone of Tina’s voice which caught Connor’s attention, peeling himself upwards to see what had caused such a reaction; but the android himself felt like his systems shorted out at the same view.

In amongst the signs of death on Gavin’s left arm, the mark on his palm had turned white.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're in the home stretch now. Just 3 chapters to go!


	13. Stay With Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So I know I said that this chapter wouldn't be coming out until Wednesday but I managed to find some unexpected time and finished it! 
> 
> The downside is...I definitely will not be able to get another update out until Friday. 
> 
> You're definitely going to hate me for this one ( **I'm sorry!** )
> 
>  **Edit:** Some of you may have noticed that this fic is now part of a series - I've compiled all of my major angst fests into a collection for anyone who wants to have a good ol' cry. I'd heed the tags for each story though, they are intense.

**Stage Five: Solitude**

Unlike the other four stages of Withering, this stage is suffered only by the surviving party of a soul bond – the Remnant.

When a rejected soulmate dies, the remaining individual is branded in a mirrored image of their deceased former mate. Those that are Withering are Marked on their left hand: the Remnants are branded on their right with the same black spot.

Remnants are often regarded poorly in society. As rejection is a conscious choice (knowing that the other party is guaranteed to die), some individuals consider Remnants as murderers. Over the years there have been many legal cases brought by relatives of Withered individuals who seek redress for the loss of their loved ones, but the moral implications have never been easily resolved.

Picture this: you are walking down the street when you catch sight of a mark which showcases someone as a Remnant. Would you stare, cross the street, accuse them? Or would you ask for their story, wonder how they came to be alone?

Because that is one undeniable fact about Remnants – someone was fated for them, but they chose solitude over companionship.

And as much as we may jump to conclusions, the truth of any story is far more complex than what you can understand from a single mark on someone’s skin.

* * *

Both Connor and Tina were still staring at the white mark on Gavin’s hand in wonder when Connor physically jolted at the message which appeared on his HUD. He’d been so enraptured by the physical change that he’d been caught totally unawares when the prompt appeared from Nines in his vision.

**_Connor, are you at Tina’s? Hank and I have just been to Gavin’s apartment but there was no sign of you._ **

_I…Yes, I’m with Tina and Gavin. Nines, I-_

**_Has he stopped Withering?_ **

_Yes! His palm’s gone white, it does work on humans after all! Does this mean he has a chance of living?_

**_Perhaps, but the damage is done. Stopping the Withering is only part of the fight to get Gavin to survive, we need to get him treatment as soon as possible._ **

_Nines, no hospital will treat a Withering victim. How can we possibly do that?_

**_Leave that with me. Get Gavin ready for transport, we will be at Tina’s as soon as possible once you give me the address._ **

Still in a slight daze, Connor passed across the information without a fight and then shook himself back to awareness. Nines was right, they had a chance now but Gavin was a long way from being better. As Jericho had discovered with the androids whose Withering has stopped, the premature end of the process did not reverse it. Those who had survived were receiving specialised treatment at Jericho to help regain their sense of self, but helping to fix a human would be much more difficult.

Even now, Connor was too scared to scan Gavin to see his chances of survival. So close to the end after having been so grievously ill for months…that number didn’t bear thinking about.

Instead Connor sat up and looked at Tina intensely. “Nines just contacted me – he and Hank are coming here. He says there’s a way that we might be able to get some help for Gavin,” he told her in a rush.

Tina stared at him in shock. “What, how? No-one will help a Withering victim, they’re guaranteed to die; or did Markus manage to suddenly publicise the fact that humans might actually be able to survive it?”

“I don’t know, but I trust that Nines wasn’t lying. If he says he knows a way then there must be one. They’ll be here in minutes, let’s get Gavin ready to move out.”

Between the two of them, Connor helping to hold Gavin up as Tina zipped a hoodie around him before they worked to get something on his feet, they’d managed to get Gavin in a state fit to be transported by the time there was a strong knock at the door. Tina rushed downstairs to let them in as Connor picked Gavin up, cradling the human as gently as he could to his body.

“Stay with me, we’re going to get you some help,” the android murmured while pressing a brief kiss to the detective’s head. “Don’t give up now, please.”

Connor sped downstairs, no fear of dropping Gavin or causing him injury with his pre-construction software maxed out. Hank was the one waiting at the door for them and he quickly took his car keys from Connor’s pocket. “I’ll meet you three there, I’ll be somewhere behind you with Nines at the wheel. Don’t look back, just get Gavin to the hospital,” the lieutenant ordered, Tina and Connor giving him a short nod as they all rushed outside.

Hank helped to take Gavin’s fragile form long enough for Connor to get inside the backseat before they delicately manoeuvred the detective into a safe position for the journey ahead. Tina jumped in the front with Nines after she managed to help get Gavin secured using the seatbelts over his legs, Connor cradling his soulmate into his chest as they raced away from the estate.

Nines was intense in his driving, having somehow pilfered a set of lights to get them through the cars quicker (Connor wasn’t sure if he’d either taken them from Hank’s car somehow or the lieutenant had managed to navigate them ‘illegally’ into the android’s own). Tina kept looking over her shoulder at the backseat worriedly, but her eyes always locked on to something that gave her a little hope.

With the way they were seated, Gavin’s left arm was the one free from Connor’s body. That meant it was his blackened hand that Connor’s fingers were linked with and her heart leapt at seeing the android’s chassis on full view, a blue hue between their interwoven fingers. There was strange beauty in seeing the difference between them, even if the circumstances behind it were horrific.

What meant the most to her, however, was how Connor didn’t seem to have the slightest hesitation about touching all the signs which would normally scare humans away from Gavin. Humans tended to be wary of Withering victims and having physical contact with them (even Tina would admit to hating the sight of his decaying arm, she wouldn’t ever dream about touching it) but Connor had no such concerns.

Maybe if Gavin somehow survived this, it would make it that much easier for him to live with how he would be from now on. There was no way to know if that blackened arm was permanent now or not.

It was only after they’d been driving for several minutes that Connor finally tore his gaze away from where he’d been looking at their joined hands, leaning in to make sure Gavin’s head didn’t shift from where it was resting against Connor’s neck. “Where are we going, Nines?” he questioned with a steadier voice than he’d possessed for several hours. “How are you so sure that we can find help for Gavin?”

Nines pinged Connor across a location via the android network, one that Connor wasn’t familiar with. “Jericho’s been in partnership with a research group for a couple of months. An agreement was signed between the two parties after it was discovered that androids affect soulmate mechanics – we’ve been working together to come up with technology to help sufferers from both species,” Nines explained factually. “Gavin was trialling some of their designs in the final weeks of his condition.”

That caused Connor to stare at Nines in confusion. “You surely noticed that Gavin switched his gloves back, correct? After seeing his arm now, does it not seem odd how he could? Gavin was given prototype holo-gloves that were based off android synthskin. They were designed to allow the wearer a little privacy surrounding their condition: less of an obvious tell than wearing full gloves. It’s just one of several topics that they have been testing at the facility,” the RK900 informed the other occupants of the car.

“But how does that help Gavin now?” Tina asked softly.

“It’s a research hospital. As soon as Hank and I spoke, I contacted Markus about Gavin’s condition. He learned about Gavin by accident after one of the trial sessions went wrong – but once Hank told me that Connor and Gavin were soulmates, Markus instructed me to take Gavin here if his Withering stopped. Since this is a jointly owned facility, Markus doesn’t have the same regard for human morals around Withering victims. He’s willing to bend rules to help you get Gavin any help that he needs.”

“Nines...Thank you,” Connor whispered. “You’ve been there for Gavin while he was vulnerable and you’re doing all of this now…”

The other android met Connor’s eyes in the rear-view mirror. “Thank me if he survives,” he pointed out before turning his attention back to the road ahead.

* * *

Their arrival at the hospital was a whirlwind. Nines had obviously warned them ahead of time of the entrance of their party because there was an armada of people waiting. Connor had barely pulled Gavin out of the car before his soulmate was taken from his arms, whisked away behind countless sets of doors to have who knew how many tests run on him. Tina looked stricken as he disappeared and Connor gave her a timid look. He was more than a little relieved when the woman silently stepped closer to ask for a hug – something that he was more than willing to provide.

Nines guided them to a secluded section of the hospital that only senior members of Jericho were allowed (of which Nines qualified) and it offered them a modicum of privacy. Once they were out of sight Tina sat down and tried to not cry silently, though a few of her tears did slip through. At this stage Connor wouldn’t be surprised if it was just an expression of being so utterly overwhelmed – it had been a whirlwind from the moment she’d discovered Gavin’s hand had gone white and the emotional whiplash was hitting him hard too.

Hank arrived half an hour behind them and appeared with an ease that gave away he’d been to the building before. It didn’t surprise Connor, he knew that Hank sometimes volunteered at Jericho because of his and Nines’ relationship (a way to keep himself busy on bad days, he’d once said) but he was infinitely relieved when the lieutenant appeared. Hank embraced Connor tightly to make sure the android was in no danger of stressing himself out before going over to talk to Tina – she was the one who was showing more outward distress, which Connor didn’t begrudge.

The trio were sat in that room for almost an hour before a female doctor entered, Nines right beside her. Connor was surprised that she was a human doctor, having almost expected an android one with how many androids he’d seen outside the windows of the waiting room but she offered the group a gentle smile.

“Hello all, thank you for being so patient,” she began softly while taking a seat nearby. Nines remained standing next to her, though his stiff posture was making Connor’s pump stutter. If it had been good news, surely Nines’ wouldn't be so…robotic?

“Can you tell us how Gavin is?” Tina pleaded quietly. “Please, this came as a shock to all of us and if he’s-if it turns out he’s not got any chance of surviving, just tell us.” Fortunately that was something they’d all discussed beforehand, what to do with the news if it turned out Gavin was beyond saving. Connor had tried to avoid thinking about it after just the idea had seen his stress levels tick back up to 91 percent after having been sat in the high seventies to low eighties for so long. He knew there was only so long he could sit there before he was liable to cause himself system damage.

“Fortunately, since Gavin was already part of the trials at our clinic we had extensive details regarding his Withering,” the doctor went on. “With Nines’ approval we unlocked his file and used it to map the likely progression as we did various scans. His own from the RK scanning technology have proven invaluable in trying to come up with a possible treatment path going forward.”

She made sure to hold all of their eyes as she went on. “Gavin's condition is grave, and had you informed me of his health from a case study I would have said that it was not possible to have a person in such poor health live for more than a few hours: but this is where it turns out that Gavin’s Withering may actually have a hidden blessing. Because his downward slide has been so slow and drawn out, his body has actually adapted to having less functionality. Had this been a sudden decline, I would have said to prepare for the worst.”

“So…Gavin actually has a shot?” Hank ventured warily.

“I’ll be honest with all of you, I would still give him a very small chance of survival. His lungs are on the verge of collapse, they might as well be like spiders webs for how thin and frail they are now, and several other organs are in critical condition. Gavin’s pancreatic and kidney functions are starting to struggle, but with the right treatments we should be able to keep them sustained without complete failure. Many of his other organs are down by at least 50% function but, as I said before, his body has naturally adapted to its weakened state.

“Our major concern is Gavin’s lungs. If they fully collapse then it could start a chain reaction through the rest of his organs,” she told them seriously. “We’ve already intubated him and will be keeping him in that state until they regain some strength.”

Connor’s sight dropped from hers to the floor, his question becoming half stuck in his throat. “You think he can? Withering victims don’t have the damage reversed, do they?”

A knowing smile came to the doctor’s face. “Gavin isn’t the first human to come into our care as a critical case of Withering, he’s actually the fourth since the dream update was released. Many androids have tried to make amends for any accidental damage caused. I must tell you that he’s by far the most advanced and with the smallest chance of survival that has arrived, but since the first came through our doors we have been making plans. None of them are yet set in stone, but if we can keep Gavin alive for the next 24 to 48 hours, then I believe he will have a genuine chance. At this stage…it is honestly out of our hands. We’ve done all we can until we find out if he’s too far gone.”

It was far from an ideal answer but they all accepted it with stony silence. Connor’s stress levels ticked back down to 84 at the news and he couldn’t stop himself from making a, probably ill-conceived, request. “Can we see him?”

* * *

Seeing Gavin so fragile sent Connor’s stress levels dangerously high again, even if it was from behind an observation window. Nines picked up on it almost immediately and interfaced with Connor. He didn’t do much other than send silent reassurance through and console Connor that there was nothing more that he could have done, but it was like trying to sew a single stitch over a stab wound and expecting it to hold. Connor’s emotions were already in overdrive and he wasn’t at all sure how to cope with the mixture.

Fear, concern, guilt, grief, defiance, anger, hope, affection…it was all simmering beneath Connor’s chassis and the android was struggling to comprehend it all. While he’d experienced complex combinations of emotion before, nothing could compare to this.

 _“I don’t know humans can do this,”_ Connor told Nines across their connection. _“How can they possibly function when emotions overwhelm your thoughts so much?”_

 ** _“They often don’t,”_** Nines pointed out. **_“They turn to self-destructive habits in an attempt to cope. We both know someone who has first-hand experience of that.”_**

Connor’s circuits felt like they physically shuddered at the reminder and he couldn’t help but turn to Hank, the older man standing at his other shoulder. He understood how Hank could have spent so many years destroying himself out of guilt and grief now. Hank gave Connor an understanding look and the android let a few more of his repressed tears free. It was a small release but not **enough**. He needed more to let loose on the pressure that felt like it was building inside of him, slowly ticking his stress levels upwards.

“I never truly understood just how painful feeling could be until now,” Connor admitted while staring through the observation window to the sight of a few doctors and nurses working around Gavin. He was focusing on the hive of activity around them so that he didn’t stare at the invasive tube which was keeping Gavin's breathing steadily. Knowing that his soulmate was so close to the brink was almost too much for him to bear.

Tina, being beyond exhausted, had been left in the private waiting room with a few pillows and a blanket to get some shut eye – it turned out that she’d been staying awake with Gavin since he’d left the precinct, determined to spend every moment with him until the detective fell asleep for the final time. Her story explained why Connor had finally seen Gavin in his Garden when he had.

There had never been a problem, Connor just couldn’t see his soulmate because Gavin had been cut off from his own Garden. They had met there again only after Gavin had found sleep once more – only for him to vanish into nothingness moments after the pair had discovered they shared mutual feelings for one another.

Those moments in the Garden gave Connor hope. Gavin had a reason to fight, so long as he remembered. If he could remember their kiss and what they’d shared then Gavin knew Connor was waiting for him back on this side. All he could hope was that Gavin’s body wouldn’t give up on him, even if his mind was still willing and ready to fight.

Staring and watching everyone work wasn’t really helping much, but the hive of activity kept reminidng Connor that they still held hope that Gavin could be saved. They’d outlined potential treatments they were willing to trial to give Gavin’s body a chance to repair without cybernetic enhancement (Tina was Gavin’s emergency contact and she’d given them permission to do anything required), but that required Gavin to be well enough to survive any surgery.

He had to survive the next 48 hours. The medical staff were confident that if Gavin lived that long, they’d be able to help him recover and live beyond then.

Connor was vaguely aware of when Hank left his side after a couple of hours, no doubt following Tina’s lead in getting some sleep, but Nines did not move. Indeed the other android never broke their interface, even as the night broke into daytime again, all too aware of how Connor’s stress levels hadn’t shifted below 88% for several hours. The few seconds that he’d parted from the RK800 to bid Hank a temporary farewell, Nines was alarmed to discover that Connor has unwittingly crept up to 94%.

As the hours passed with the two androids standing and watching the various medical staff come and go from Gavin’s rooms, seeing all the various tests and readings that were carried out as they tried to devise a treatment plan, Nines realised that what was causing Connor such agony was the uncertainty. He’d initiated a few gentle interfaces with the older android to try and make some sense of what was going on in Connor’s thought processes but it was challenging in between so many colliding emotions.

It was only after several attempts that he realised part of Connor’s internal agony. “You’re worried that he’s already gone, that all the machines are doing is delaying the inevitable?” Nines questioned, to which Connor nodded. “Well, there is, I suppose, an easy answer to that.”

Connor managed to tear his eyes away from the window to look at Nines, to which the RK900’s pump stuttered at seeing how Connor’s LED was flickering. It wasn’t just in distress anymore, the stress on his systems was causing it to flash on the verge of failure. That was a terrible sign of just how much Connor’s systems were struggling under the emotional strain. “An easy way?” Connor asked timidly.

“There’s a way for anyone to tell if someone’s soulmate has Withered and is no longer of this world,” Nines stated calmly, to which he then looked pointedly at Connor’s free hand: his right one. The RK800 pulled it up and upon Nines’ gentle encouragement via the interface, peeled his synthskin back. “If someone’s soulmate has completely Withered away – if they are then a Remnant of a soul bond – then their palm turns black. A sign of the one that they have lost. So long as your palm does not change, then Gavin is still here.”

That brought Connor some comfort at seeing hid unchanged chassis and the smaller android nodded his gratitude. “Did he ever hint to you who his soulmate was?” he asked roughly.

“No, I had no idea it was you. I assumed that he would avoid the one who caused him to Wither, I never thought that it might be accidental. It was a callous assumption on my part and I can only apologise to both of you for that. Truly, I didn’t think there was much merit to how someone could cause another party to Wither accidentally given that humans must have some form of intent there to start the process.”

Connor’s stress spiked to 96 briefly and Nines instantly regretted his words, though it was a relief to see the levels tick back down again a few seconds later. “I can show you how easily it is done,” Connor told him brokenly. “There was intent in a sense, I truly did not want Gavin as a part of my life at that stage. Never would I have wished for him to suffer like this, even back then.”

Nines accepted the opening of Connor’s memories and felt a great deal of sympathy at seeing how it came across from Connor’s side. He was still highly wary of a man that had shot to kill during the revolution, **had** killed. Forgiveness was not something easily granted after an event like that. Had such a thing happened to him, Nines wouldn’t have even acknowledged the person after that. “You’re a far more forgiving person than I am, Connor. I know many would mean that as a slight but I am intending it as a compliment. Despite the history between you both, you overcame it to build the foundation of a genuine dynamic. There are few others that would have been so willing to do so with someone who was technically their murderer.”

When Nines put it like that Connor had to laugh brokenly at the retelling. It was true that his and Gavin’s story was quite unbelievable and he wouldn’t blame anyone that accused him of making such a tale up. A soft smile and caring smile came to his face as he thought of how the pair of them had slowly learned to trust each other, even if they’d not consciously been aware of everything else that had happened between them along the way.

“Perhaps not, but we aren’t the same people anymore. Gavin has grown so much and I have begun to learn who I am, which is a journey I have only started. The revolution was a trying time and many people have made a conscious effort to forgive any transgressions from that time. We’ve all learned more about those on the other side of the species divide in this past year and I would not want to be one to prove the doubters or haters right. We can work and live together in this world, but holding on to hate is just going to cloud that chance.

“Gavin said he wanted to try and set things right and he’s lost almost everything in attempting to prove how sorry he truly is. I owe it to him now, should he survive this, to be all that he deserves,” Connor said heartfully, to which Nines nodded in acceptance.

“I will not pretend to understand, but that’s what makes the world such an interesting place. None of us are the same, we are all in a perpetual state of balance. I cannot see myself as ever having done the same, but I guess I will never have to either.” Connor laughed at that, having always appreciated Nines’ blunt view of the world. He was quite right after all, the differences between people were what made life so unpredictable.

Their brief moment of peace was shattered by the sounds of alarms going off inside the room in front of them and Connor’s systems froze at everything he was seeing. What had once been a controlled buzz of activity around Gavin’s room was now frantic, worried glances being shared as people rushed around. Some were at Gavin’s bed while others sped out to get help – be it other people or equipment.

He cursed his sensors for obeying that instinctive need to know what had gone so wrong: Gavin’s lungs had failed, and with it a moment of reckoning had arrived.

Earlier words haunted Connor’s mind as he could only watch the events unfolding in front of him. Even as Nines clenched his hand tightly and tried frantically to break through Connor’s new spiral, his stress continued to tick up.

**[WARNING: STRESS LEVELS CRITICAL. REMOVE TRAUMATIC STIMULUS IMMEDIATELY]**

**[97%]**

**[98%]**

**“Connor!”**

The screaming of his own name from Nines’ voice was almost a whisper in Connor’s mind. He couldn’t help but fixate on the doctor’s warning of before, how this could signal a cascading failure in Gavin’s body. This could be the beginning of the end.

He looked down at his palm again, willing the shaking appendage not to grow a black spot on his palm.

_Please, Gavin. You can’t give in. Don’t leave me before I can make amends with you._

_Stay with me... **please.**_

**[99%]**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise that I will work on the next chapter as hard as I can to get it posted early as possible on Friday - I won't leave you all on this brutal cliffhanger forever!
> 
> Remember the happy ending tag. 2 chapters to go.


	14. The Long Road Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I know that last cliffhanger was a brutal one and I’m sorry. This chapter is longer for a combination of reasons and it’ll quickly become apparent why, but I think there’s one thing that is going to surprise all of you.
> 
> Something to take note of: **The previous chapter took place in October 2039.** You’ll all see very quickly why I’m highlighting that.
> 
>  **Slight trigger warning** : I haven't added these to the main fic for spoiler reasons, but there is discussion around PTSD, depression, therapy and home care in this chapter. Please bear that in mind going forward.
> 
> Hope you all enjoy!

**Stage 6 – Suspension**

Since androids have begun to affect the balance of soulmate mechanics, a new stage has come to light beyond what was previously known in our world.

In rare cases (the frequency has become even fewer since a spike the first few months beyond when android were given the update with allowed them to access the Garden), Withering can be stopped if the healthy half of the soul bond wants to be stopped. However, just because the degeneration stops, does not mean that a person’s effects are simply fixed.

Many who have already been afflicted with Withering are in too poor condition to be saved: and it has since been theorised that if the originally rejected party does not wish to accept the second chance at life, then they will perish regardless.

There have been unsubstantiated claims that those who have attempted to reconcile with their soulmate has still witnessed them die from Withering, though whether there is genuine intention to kindle a companionship with the dying person has been hotly contested.

Withering cannot be stopped purely out of guilt – if it could, then humans would have done so many times before now. The intention behind the wish to stop the Withering has proven to be a key factor.

Those whose Withering has stopped are left with permanent scarring – be it from the outward signs of decay or the impaired organ functions, this is not easily fixed. Treatments have been developed to assist those fighting for life again, but even then they are not an instant solution.

The term ‘suspension’ has since been coined by society to describe those who have survived – their Withering is suspended, and it is still avidly debated as to whether it could recontinue one day.

At present, there is no answers to this question. They may be revealed with time but unless there are others who end up as one of the Suspended, it may be an area that will always remain partially in the dark.

* * *

**_April 2042_ **

Connor unlocked the door to his apartment and took a deep breath once he was inside, taking some comfort from the familiar surroundings and smiled at hearing the frustrated shouting from the living room. He shook his head fondly while taking off his shoes and jacket, going through his mental routine before leaving the hallway to peer inside the occupied room. “And here I thought you were studying, Melissa?” he teased gently, to which the young woman inside the room jumping in surprise.

“Oh shit! Oops,” she blushed while pulling her headphones out and smiling sheepishly at the android. “Hi, Connor, you’re back early. Wasn’t your session meant to be two hours today?” Melissa asked curiously, setting the accessory down and flipping her laptop closed to dedicate her full attention to Connor.

“It was, but things weren’t going well,” Connor admitted while walking to the small fridge next to the television to pull out a bottle of thirium to top up with. “Rather than waste both of our time, Dr Meadows suggested that we try again with the extended session next week.”

Melissa’s face fell slightly and she walked over to hug Connor, who embraced her back warmly. Though he’d only truly gotten to know Tina’s niece well over the past year, she was a lovely young woman that Connor now owed a lot to. When she pulled back she pointed over to a golden retriever who was staring out of the living room window. “Blossom’s been there since you left, I think she’s picked up on your mood maybe? She’s been kinda low all day.”

Empathising with his dog, Connor whistled for her and the retriever’s attention perked. She stared at Connor with wide eyes before barking and coming to beg for pets. He smiled when the dog’s fur on her back peeled away to allow him to interface with her – emotional support animals for androids were still a very new technology that Jericho had helped to pioneer, and Connor was one of the lucky few who’d become part of the trial phase. Since Markus had first brought Blossom around five months ago, she’d grown to be an integral part of Connor’s life.

“I’m jealous, you know,” Melissa smiled while petting the dog’s fur where it was still formed. “I’ve never asked, but what does it feel like when you interface with her? Is she kind of like what a blanket would be for us humans?”

This was part of the reason that Connor adored Melissa. Never mind the fact that Tina’s niece was in the early stages of a biomedical cybernetics degree (a subject that Connor now had intimate knowledge of), she was also genuinely interested in all the dynamics of androids. “It’s not physical warmth that she offers me – it’s more emotional, I guess?” Connor tried to explain with a smile. “I can feel what I suppose is her love for me in return? I don’t really know how it works, I’ve never felt love reciprocated via an interface before.” Well, not entirely true as he'd felt Nines share his own version but Connor knew that love from a pet was surely different from familial/platonic love.

Melissa nodded in what understanding she could before looking towards the bedroom. “Well I’m sure you won’t be surprised to hear that Cleo is sleeping through there. She ventured out for all of five minutes to yelp for some food before swanning off back through to her realm. I kind of got all my homework done before I decided to try and play some Tetris. Should really know by now, that game is not my forte.”

Connor laughed at Melissa’ story as Blossom broke the interface, panting happily before charging through to the bedroom herself. He sighed fondly before giving Melissa another hug. “Thank you, all the money for this month has been transferred over to you. There’s a case that looks to be picking up speed at the DPD; if I need to be called in, would you be willing to stay over? I wouldn’t normally ask-”

“Oh stop rambling, of course I’ll stay,” Melissa told him with a slight tease in her voice. “And will you stop trying to pay me for all of this? Seriously, I keep giving the money back to my aunt but she says you won’t take the goddamned hint! I don’t want you to pay me for being here, Connor. It’s a great spot for some peace and quiet, the animals are wonderful company and this really is no burden to me. Please, stop trying to pay me when I’m offering help as family?”

A wave of gratitude and shame raced through Connor as he hugged the young woman again, sighing deeply before letting her go. “We can talk about it later, I’m not really in a fit state of mind to come up with counter-arguments right now.”

“I’ll get my way eventually,” she winked while heading packing up all of her study notes and laptop. “Just give me an hour’s notice to get across here if you need me? All my classes should be finished by 2 on Monday and Wednesday, and I’m only in for a morning lab on Friday. The rest is just the usual timetable.”

“Of course. Again, thank you,” he told her sincerely, to which Melissa smiled brightly as she swung her bag over her shoulder.

“Anytime, Connor. I might even put in a cheeky request for you to have some ingredients to treat myself and make pancakes for next time?” she chimed while sticking her tongue out. “Never mind, ignore me; see you on Tuesday?” Connor nodded fondly, having already placed a reminder in his HUD to buy everything for pancakes when he left the house tomorrow.

“Great! Bye, Connor! Bye, Gavin!” she shouted through the house while closing the door behind her. It left Connor to his usual silence and he sighed deeply before heading towards the bedroom.

He opened it to find the two animals exactly where he expected to find them – Blossom was curled up at the foot of the bed, watching the cat who was currently snoring in her sleep. It still made Connor smile to see that the dog he’d been gifted (an android) was so fascinated with an organic cat who’d just stumbled into Connor’s life one day but it fit everything else about his life. After starting fondly at the cat, fast asleep on a slowly moving chest, he changed his clothes to something more suitable for sleepwear before settling in next to his companion.

“Well, today didn’t go so well,” Connor started sadly, watching Gavin’s peaceful face as he slept on. “I thought the milestone wouldn’t bother me, I really didn’t. I mean, it’s not as if anything really changed from yesterday. But as Dr Meadows pointed out, our minds have a habit of fixating on strange things. When she mentioned that it was 30 months since you’d fallen asleep, since we finally had the chance to meet in our Garden…”

A lone tear snaked down Connor’s cheek and he couldn’t help but notice all the subtle differences in Gavin from then to now. It had been so touch and go for a while at the research hospital, those first 24 hours after Gavin had fallen asleep were something Connor could never forget.

Nines had been forced to put Connor into an emergency shutdown, not chancing what could happen to the android if his stress levels finally hit one hundred. It was a good call, even if Connor hated that he’d been out of the loop for 3 days by the time Nines roused him again. At least by then they knew that their worst fears hadn’t been realised – Gavin’s lungs had given up the ghost, but everything else held together. Just.

That didn’t mean it was easy to try and get Gavin back to any fit state. Restarting his own breathing processes was a challenge when Gavin really had no lungs **left**. While many of his other organs were still able to function with only a small amount of assistance, Gavin couldn’t breathe on his own. It had taken a lot of experimentation and some very careful selection of tissue to be able to attempt to some reconstructive work.

What remained of Gavin’s lungs was fortified with plastic structuring, wiring and small generators that could function off his natural body heat. A combination of modern biomechanical and android technology, it was super lightweight and would grow back over time with the right stimulus. Gavin’s other organs would be managed by medication and retroviral drugs rather than be adapted surgically as they weren’t sure what effect repeatedly putting Gavin under anaesthetic would have with his healing lungs.

He’d recovered slowly. It had taken a full nine months before Gavin was declared stable enough to be moved out of the hospital but he still needed constant monitoring. Though 100% care wasn’t necessary, he did need watched. What complicated matters was that the understanding around Gavin’s new… **state** was so limited.

Gavin wasn’t in a coma, the closest they could compare it to was a state of hibernation. Almost all of Gavin’s basic body functions (such as the need for food and water) had dramatically reduced and his vitals reflected someone deep in REM sleep.

Unfortunately knowing where to go from there was extremely difficult. To that day, Gavin was one of only six people who had been treated after falling into slumber again who was still living – everyone else had been too far gone.

Connor’s life had dramatically changed in the aftermath. Fowler had given him all the time necessary to come to terms with the shocking events but no-one had accounted for just how deep Connor’s emotional trauma went. He’d grown withdrawn, broody and frighteningly quiet while rarely leaving the hospital. Three months after Gavin had fallen asleep, Connor had been diagnosed with PTSD and depression. By then, the only one surprised by that finding was the android himself.

Therapy proved difficult because those treating Connor had no real idea on how to tackle him. The guilt over almost killing his soulmate? Sure, that could be tackled; but there was no way to know where to go from there. Connor couldn’t grieve as his soulmate was technically still alive, but no-one knew whether **Gavin** still existed. Once the events of what happened in their shared Garden came to light, some people wondered if only medical interventions were what meant Gavin was still breathing.

It would be a fair summation to make: but Connor knew more.

He saw all the changes to Gavin over the two and a half years that he’d since fallen asleep. From how his breathing and heartbeat went up incrementally over the weeks, to how his other organ functions began to grow more assured. Connor was the one who could see micro twitches in Gavin’s muscles that was still lax, which the android was taking as a sign of his soulmate still fighting to get out from his forced slumber.

They hadn’t seen how Gavin’s blackened and decayed arm had transformed: the white from his halted Mark having spread across his entire arm.

Whereas before they had made a beautiful but heart breaking contrast, the black against the white, Connor couldn’t stop himself from running his fingers over the lightened skin. If Gavin was gone then surely that wouldn’t change.

Exhausted from such an emotional day, Connor reached across from where he was laying on his side and placed a hand over Gavin’s, his synthskin peeling back so that Connor could attempt to interface with him. He’d heard from others that, from a human perspective, an interface felt like a warm tingling sensation – Connor hoped that Gavin could feel it, wherever he was.

His eyes slid shut as he went into stasis, ready for his true therapy.

* * *

While outwardly there had been a few things about Gavin that had changed during his slow recovery, there was no such mistaking it as minor within their Garden. Connor only wished others could see it – maybe then they’d understand why he still help hope even years later of Gavin returning.

He strode across his own portion determinedly, crossing the bridge to the little island that separated their halves. As had become tradition, he paused beneath the gentle vortex of the loose segments which had fused together, noticing that sunlight shining through it was catching off some droplets of water. Connor smiled and turned his attention back to his daily routine, eyes falling to two small trees which had now been planted on what was once a concrete slab.

It had been hard work for him to carve out a section which would allow him to add soil and bring their two Gardens even closer together, but every day he came here it made the android smile and his systems sing with hope.

“You’re getting taller and stronger every day,” he mused, smile growing as he noticed that the roots from each of the trees he’d plucked from their Gardens had become even more heavily entwined. When he’d first taken a small bonsai tree from his own side and found a tiny tree that seemed to have withered and died on Gavin’s side, he hadn’t really known what to hope for.

Now, however, his bonsai tree was swaying gently in the breeze: the leaves crinkling as they moved while the Gavin’s stripped bare tree was also moving ever so slowly. Just like with his soulmate’s arm, however, the tree had transformed from black to white – and given that the roots at its base continued to grow and spread themselves further into the foundations of Connor’s own, the android knew it to be alive.

So close to the brink before, but it lived. Progress back was slow but Connor hoped someday that Gavin’s tree would flower once more.

His smile grew and she reached a tentative hand in between the roots to feel for Gavin’s gift, as Connor called it. Other had told Connor that is was technically his soulmate’s memento, the remains of a life now lost, but Connor was adamant it was otherwise. This was a symbol of what brought them together and Connor refused to think that Gavin wasn’t coming back someday.

One advantage to being an android: he would wait for as long as it took.

After rubbing the soft fur of the toy rabbit which was now nestled safely within their joint trees, Connor stood and set off for some grafting.

He sometimes wished that he could retain images of the before and after of Gavin’s half of their joint Garden. Whereas before everything looked destroyed and ruined, there was a true beauty in what it had changed to.

All of Gavin’s blackened trees had turned white, as had the bushes and the grass. It was a symbol of a place that was slowly coming back to life. Connor had worked hard to rebuild the destroeyed pathways and the broken ornaments. They were by no means perfect, with all of the cracks and breaks still visible from where he’d patched them back together, but in a way it fit him nicely. The android was by no means fixed or all put together anymore, but he was getting there slowly.

Working here gave him hope. Seeing all of the changes and how far the Garden had come was what made Connor so resolute that Gavin was still there. Surely it would have died otherwise, right?

He had no idea where Gavin might **be,** after all he’d vanished into dust the last time Connor had seen him, but if he was gone forever then Connor was sure all of this would have died with him.

The android decided not to think about it anymore as he found another small section of a walkway that needed repairing, looking around for the exact pieces (if they hadn’t been swept by the vortex). Once that was done, he was going to find a few more flowering plants and bushes from his own half of the garden to transfer over.

Their two halves were slowly merging into a whole and Connor loved it – he just wished Gavin would return soon so that he could see how far it had come.

* * *

The next day was much like any other when Connor awoke. He checked in on Gavin, turning him gently so that he didn’t get bed sores from being immobile while changing over the IV that was giving him fluids and nutrients. Gavin’s bodily functions were less but that didn’t mean he didn’t need something to keep him healthy, especially with all of the drugs that were flowing through his system. Connor then topped up the medication IVs and made sure Gavin was left in a stable position before he prepared for the day.

Blossom leapt from the bed and felt playful, so Connor spent half an hour throwing a ball for his dog to chase while Cleo changed things up that morning. Their cat usually slept most of the day away in the bedroom, very much one for the quiet and warm company that Gavin offered, but she ventured out to the living room and sat on the edge of the sofa to watch Connor playing with Blossom. He smiled at her and gave the cat a few affectionate scratches before Blossom demanded his attention again.

Connor was due to call in with the precinct at 11 that morning to get a few updates from the team before he started working again. It had taken a lot of hard decision making and planning when Gavin was first released from the hospital to get them to where they were now: Connor worked from home unless needed explicitly for interviews, interrogations or busts. Since he was Gavin’s primary caregiver, he wanted to be there as often as possible and didn’t want Gavin left unsupervised.

Which was how he’d ended up with the unconventional team around him that helped with looking after Gavin should he need to leave the house. Tina had been the first to offer herself (as Gavin’s closest friend, essentially his family) and after Gavin’s story had spread, Melissa had volunteered quickly. Connor would forever be grateful to them for not resenting him after his mistake had left them in this situation: others at the DPD and publicly had been much less understanding.

Hank and Nines also assisted where they could but they were both so busy that Connor knew they didn’t really have the time. Nines’ mission at the DPD had rapidly expanded to where he was also a part-time member who assisted with the forensics after he’d become so well engrained there, but he also helped with the training of other new androids at the precinct. It was originally intended as Connor’s job when the project went live but Nines volunteered to take it over before Connor had even asked.

The pair had been nothing but supportive when Connor decided that he wanted to be Gavin’s primary caregiver, and had even helped the android with finding suitable accommodation. It ended up being only two streets along from Tina’s house, part of the same community, which was a happy co-incidence. Unlike hers though, it was a single storey house with less rooms. He’d converted the second bedroom to an office and supply room for all of Gavin’s needs, though that didn’t stop Connor from having a small work setup in the dining room so that he could be closer to Gavin when he needed it.

Hearing a key in the door caused Blossom to start barking and Connor to look across, only for the android to beam in surprise as he saw Hank and Nines enter. “Finally made it back, have you?” he joked, thoroughly amused by the tired and miffed look on Hank’s face.

“Remind me to **never** go flying with this asshole again, Connor. I swear he’s cursed. Never had a damn problem with flights being grounded in my life till I start flying with Nines – that’s now 3 for 3 in being stranded for fuck knows how long before we get home,” the lieutenant grumbled while going through to the kitchen for a coffee.

“He says that like he didn’t enjoy the extra week in Hawaii,” Nines drawled while smirking at Connor, who chuckled. “And how could we predict a volcanic eruption, Hank? The conference had been planned there for a solid year, it wasn’t as if I somehow tripped a natural event to occur while we were there. At least it was all funded by Jericho so we didn’t have to pay anything for our overstay.”

Connor couldn’t help but laugh at the reluctant acceptance on Hank’s face. The older man did have a point though: three times he and Nines had flown somewhere only to be stuck when trying to come back home. The first time had been when Nines organised their trip to San Francisco back in the early days of their relationship with the fog, the second time had been when a snowstorm closed their airport in Alaska a few hours before their flight. That ended up in a next day return. By far this had been their worst delay since the ash from a volcanic eruption had made it impossible to fly with the interference to tracking instruments.

Still, Connor knew Hank was grumbling for the sake of it. He’d seen plenty of evidence from Nines that Hank had loved the time away in Hawaii even if they’d technically been working, and there was no way the older man really resented another day in Alaska on their honeymoon.

He watched Nines roll his eyes when Hank was raking around in the cupboards for the sugar (Connor had made it somewhat of a game to hide the packet and see how long it took Hank to find it) and smiled when the taller android showed the lieutenant where it was stashed. Hank gave Connor a playful glare before going back to making his beverage, but Connor couldn’t tear his eyes away from the easy way they were with each other.

They didn’t make efforts to be overly affectionate (that just wasn’t how they were), but there were occasions where Connor caught a glimpse of the easy love between them. Such as now, where Hank was waiting for the kettle to boil and Nines was massaging a small knot out from his shoulder gently. The two were in quiet conversation as they waited and the android’s heart ached in want – he wished beyond anything that the he could have the chance to experience that happiness.

Once Hank finally had his coffee the pair came to sit down, but they’d barely made it before the door opened again and a young woman with short purple hair appeared, waving at everyone. “Morning all! I didn’t expect to see so many people in here – having a house party, Connor?”

“Hardly, Francesca,” Connor smiled. “Need any help?”

“Nope, don’t you try and steal my job from me,” she teased while taking off her jacket and grabbing her backpack before heading through to the bedroom. “You sit tight and I’ll be back soon!”

As the door closed behind her Hank laughed quietly. “Never quite met a home helper who is so fuckin’ bouncy. I’m envious of her energy.”

“Yes, and it is almost infectious,” Nines noted while looking at Connor strangely. “I though Francesca was Monday, Wednesday and Friday? Have she and Alex switched schedules?”

Connor shook his head. “No, but Alex is on vacation and Francesca was happy to come around the extra days. She didn’t tell me that she’d be around for the whole week because she, and I quote, ‘knew I’d overdo it’ if I found out we’d be down to one home helper,” he said fondly.

“Well, she’s not wrong. The whole point of these two coming around was to take some of the pressure off you, if you went back to taking care of Gavin 100% of the time then it would set back your own progress,” Hank pointed out, to which Connor nodded at them in agreement.

In his mind it had felt like a failure for a long time that he was one of the most advanced androids ever made but couldn’t cope with taking care of his soulmate full-time. It was only with a lot of convincing and gentle arguments presented by his family that Connor finally realised that they had a point – he was still recovering himself and mental health was not something easily fixed. The road back was a long one for both of them.

“Hey, did you add some more silver to your hair? I don’t remember you having quite this much when I left,” Hank noted, to which Nines shook his head in amusement.

“Well he noticed, that’s more than I thought would happen,” the RK900 deadpanned, to which Hank flipped him off.

“Hah hah, I’m not a supercomputer with perfect recollection,” he barked back, to which Nines winked as Hank rolled his eyes. “So I take it I’m right then? You added some more?”

Connor smiled as he shifted around the pattern of silver highlights that he’d added to his hair a year ago. Part of his journey in healing was his therapist suggesting that Connor try to reinvent himself, since he wasn’t exactly the same person anymore as before. Part of accepting that would be trying to discover who he was now. It had been a joke from Tina that Connor add some light streaks to his hair, or just go blonde which Connor still shivered at. After a lot of experimentation he’d realised that he liked the occasional sprinkles of lightness through his brown locks, it was something that he enjoyed seeing. A little more personality than his default setting, even if he like the pre-programmed appearance.

“No, I just changed the positioning,” Connor elaborated. “I did play around with it to add a little more but I thought it was too much, so I’ve started rotating the placement of the silver instead.”

“Looks good,” Hank nodded while looking over to the bedrom upon hering several thumps. “How the fuck does a woman so small manage to do everything so easily? I can barely handle changing myself let alone someone else.”

“Training has much to do with it,” Nines pointed out. “It is her job after all, and she is very good at it.”

Once the time came for Connor to log into the call for work both Hank and Nines joined in, surprising a few people on the other side as no-one had known the two had returned yet. After a quick catch up and run down of the day’s tasks, the pair readied themselves to head home. “We’ll swing by Jeffrey’s and pick up Sumo. How’s the old boy been while we’ve been away?”

“He’s enjoyed himself I think,” Connor smiled. “Blossom has certainly loved going over to see him, even if Sumo isn’t quite as sprightly as she is. I wonder if his calm demeanour rubs off on her a little,” he observed while watching Nines interface with the dog. Her tail was wagging frantically at whatever Nines was sharing and the second it ended, she raced over to Connor for some attention. He stared at the dog in bemusement before he looked over at Nines curiously. “What did you just do?”

“I might have made her a little hyper and told her that you’ll play with her a little more, so enjoy the energetic dog for a while,” Nines smirked as Connor groaned.

“Come on, Nines, I need to work!”

Hank laughed while spying Cleo sitting on a nearby windowsill and going over to give her some gentle pets. Cleo was notoriously shy but loved Hank and Nines, the pair were always very methodical and careful around the cat. “It’s not gonna kill you to take a couple of breaks to keep Blossom entertained, you do a hell of a lot more work than anyone else despite not being at the precinct, Con,” Hank pointed out. “Guess we’d better head past Jeffrey’s and pick up Sumo before we head home, huh?”

“I will go and pick up Sumo, you will need some sleep before we head into the precinct later today for a catch-up session with the Captain. You aren’t as young as you used to be,” Nines winked cheekily, to which Hank aimed a playful swipe at the android’s head.

“See if I’d known you’d end up as such a sarcastic ass, I’d have never sassed you so much when we first got together,” Hank grumbled as Nines smiled. The older man then hugged Connor slowly, the android enjoying the embrace briefly before Hank pulled away. “We’ll be around tomorrow after we’re finished our shifts, all right? I think Jeffrey’s going to have you rotating back in with Chris and I for a little while to see if you’ll be able to partner up with someone again.”

“Thank you, I’m looking forward to it,” Connor replied warmly as Nines embraced him too, interfacing briefly to pass a small message to Connor before they left.

**_“I also left a few videos with Blossom of what happened at the conference. When you’re ready, have a watch of them. There’s been a fair amount more progress in android rights and the Withering research that might given you some encouragement.”_ **

Connor’s smile grew a little wider and he squeezed Nines tighter In reply. _“Thank you, I’ll be sure to look over it. Look after yourselves and I’ll see you tomorrow.”_

Once the pair had left and Francesca bid Connor farewell after sorting Gavin out, the android took a deep breath before trying to settle down for work. He could think later, once he’d got through a little of his workload.

Plus, it seemed like Nines had left him a few surprises to enjoy.

* * *

Going back to the Garden that night, Connor was still a little restless. He wasn’t sure why he was suddenly so antsy but he wanted to busy his hands in some of the restoration work. That was accomplished by Connor deciding that he wanted to repaint one of the older wooden benches on Gavin’s side so that the seat matched the white of the trees around him.

It was situated beneath what Connor knew was an enormous oak tree, the wood stained white from where it had transformed over time. He smiled at seeing a few of the blossom petals from his own half of the Garden fluttering around his surroundings, laughing quietly when they stuck to the paint. As tempted as Connor was to pull them out and make sure the paint was pristine, he left them to sit – it would be another nice combination of the two of them once they were stuck after the paint dried.

He stood and was striding back towards his own half when Connor noticed that one of the low hanging branches on a nearby tree was different from when he’d walked past it yesterday – in fact, he was wondering how he hadn’t seen it when first wandering past it now.

There was a tiny flower bud sprouting from one of the white branches. After reaching up towards it tentatively, Connor beamed at feeling the soft texture.

“I know you’re still here, Gavin. Someday I’ll see you again,” he murmured while reaching forward to give the bud a delicate kiss. Maybe if this was connected to Gavin then he’d feel it.

“Might be a little sooner than you think, Connor.”

Everything ground to a halt for the android as the other voice broke through his sudden joy, causing it to explode in a blaze of hope and longing. He was scared to look towards the source in case it was nothing more than his intense wish to see Gavin again projecting into the Garden.

“Gavin?” he whispered, waiting to see if there was an answer before he braved turning around.

“Nah, I’m the virgin Mary. Try again.” The terrible joke had Connor burst out laughing but he reined it in long enough to turn, only for his systems to stutter to a stop.

Standing only a few feet away, posture awkward as if he didn’t know what to do with himself even if his eyes and smile were soft, was his soulmate.

It was such a shock that Connor jolted abruptly out of stasis, only to find a pair of grey-green eyes that he’d wishing to see again for two and a half years staring right back at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was all of the pain worth it? One last chapter to go!


	15. Homecoming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow, I can't believe this is it, the last chapter! This story has been an emotional ride and I want to thank you all for sticking with me through it, it's been overwhelming to see the response and the support to this concept.
> 
>  **Edit** : This fic is now the start of a series! If you want to continue to follow Gavin and Connor's journey, please subscribe to the series, **_Heart and Soul_** for when I release the sequel.
> 
> So, without further ado, here's the happy ending you've all been waiting for. Enjoy!

After staring for he didn’t know how long, Connor felt traitorous tears snake down his cheeks. He wanted to be strong for Gavin in these first moments after his soulmate had woken up but his emotions were just too much. Gavin didn’t react beyond shakily stretching out to try and thumb them away, but they were both fiercely aware of just how heavy Gavin’s arm was and how much it shook from the effort.

More than two years of slumber meant that Gavin’s muscles had gone completely lax over time and lost their strength. For at least a time, there was no way Gavin was going to be able to walk – not without some serious physiotherapy.

He looked around the room in complete confusion and Connor could see that Gavin had a lot of questions.

Rather than answer them there, Connor very carefully shuffled out of the bed and took care to gather up all of Gavin’s IV bags as he delicately carried the man through to the living room. Gavin didn’t complain, just watched Connor in stunned silence as the android deftly placed the human on the sofa and walked back through to the bedroom to collect the IV stand.

Now that he was in a more spacious area, Gavin was even more confused. This definitely wasn’t his apartment.

It was a small house by the looks of it, and it kind of reminded him of Tina’s place. A look outside the nearby window made Gavin think that it was a similar area built by the same contractors, if not the same housing complex. He watched the gentle snowfall outside and wondered just how long he’d been asleep for the umpteenth time since he’d woken up.

Coming back to the waking world was something that Gavin hadn’t expected at all – he’d thought that was it, game over. All of a sudden he had a future again and he…didn’t know what to do with that, let alone all the other crazy connections that he was making in his head.

Firstly, he’d woken up. That meant he was alive, and a look at his left arm gave him more questions along with some answers. He’d seen at Jericho that the marks of people whose soulmates had reconciled with them went white, but he’d honestly not thought it could happen to him. He remembered meeting Connor in the Garden after he’d fallen asleep again but…

He’d thought it was too late by then, despite his want to fight his fate. When he’d been pulled away from Connor it had seemed like that was it.

Now he was staring at his previously blackened arm and it was the same white colour as the spot on his hand. It was…a little strange, but it didn’t bother him. His skin texture still looked a little cracked as if he was made of porcelain but it wasn’t obvious unless you were up close. In a way it kind of reminded him of a dulled and scuffed android chassis, it was almost the same colour.

Before he could really get any more lost in his thoughts, Gavin looked up to see Connor had reappeared and was attaching all of the IV bags which had been on Gavin’s lap to the stand. It was strange to see himself attached to so many different medications and fluids, but it made sense. He’d known that his body would have been in a hell of a state.

“Ho-” He coughed and croaked a little harshly as his vocal chords strained from lack of use, to which Connor placed a gentle hand on Gavin’s own to stop him from speaking.

“I’ll get you something for your throat. Give me a minute as I boil the kettle, all right?” the android whispered before standing. Gavin watched him go and couldn’t help himself from turning to watch Connor work in the nearby kitchen. Even from there he could see the android’s hands shaking and it struck something inside of Gavin.

Connor had always looked so put together before but at the moment he seemed…fragile, afraid. It was not something he’d ever expected to see and it left him feeling a little hollow.

A gentle bark from in front of him has Gavin turning to stare at the dog who was currently panting next to Gavin’s leg. When Blossom nudged his hand gently, Gavin reached up to pet her even as Connor called through from the kitchen. “Careful, Blossom. You can’t be as energetic with Gavin as you are with me,” the android warned softly.

Instinctively Gavin wanted to argue that he could take care of himself fine but…really, who would he be kidding? He couldn’t walk, his arms were shaking with any effort and despite having been in slumber for who knows how long, he just wanted to go back to sleep because he felt so exhausted. It was…strange. He’d never been one to experience the phenomenon of ‘oversleeping’, he’d just thought that was a thing that people made up.

Right now though? He could empathise with it keenly.

Connor came back through as Gavin was unsteadily petting Blossom and set three different drinks next to Gavin – a mint tea, a cup of coffee and a glass of water. “Sorry, I wasn’t sure what you’d want, so I got a bit of everything,” he chuckled while sitting next to Gavin, though he kept a few inches between them to make sure Gavin didn’t feel like he was getting crowded. “I didn’t know if you’d want something warm or just soothing.”

Gavin flashed a grateful smile at Connor and decided to go for the coffee first, since it had been so long since he’d enjoyed a proper cup rather than just the shitty stuff at the precinct. He could smell the brew was a decent one as he grasped the cup gently, but it was far from steady. Connor wordlessly put a hand under it just to make sure it didn’t tip everywhere, to which Gavin gave him a tight smile. He hated feeling so weak but Connor was trying not to intervene too much.

He just about managed to take a sip and let out a long exhale in happiness as he put the coffee back down, before grabbing the water. Connor again only held the base while leaving Gavin the freedom to try and be as independent as possible. That tiny aid was appreciated by Gavin as it didn’t make him feel quite so useless. “Thanks,” he said quietly after taking a sip of water. “That’s…I appreciate it.”

“You’re welcome,” Connor smiled as Blossom whined again, nudging herself against Connor’s leg for attention. He sighed dramatically while ruffling her fur, to which Gavin’s eyes widened as he saw both the android and the dog’s chassis be revealed.

“Didn’t see you as someone to get an android pet,” Gavin commented, wide-eyed. Connor could hear in his tone that it wasn’t meant maliciously and he gave a hesitant smile in reply.

“Blossom’s not just my dog, she’s- she’s an emotional support animal,” he explained. “She’s been designed as an outlet for when my emotions get too much and kind of reacts to my emotional state, a little like an organic dog. There’s been some research done and the ability for androids to interface has been discovered to be key to some people’s emotional stability, as it proved with me. She’s…she’s a gift, she really is.”

Gavin could hear the emotion in Connor’s voice, realising just what he’d admitted and nodded in acceptance without pressing the topic harder. It was clear to see that Connor was very different from when he’d last seen. “I wouldn’t have been able to tell if you’d not interfaced with her, she’s gorgeous.” Connor smiled a little broader and guided Blossom to acknowledge Gavin too, gently.

“She adores you too,” the android went on softly. “Most evenings she spends curled up with you on the bed. If Cleo’s not at your feet that is, otherwise she sleeps on the floor to watch you both?”

“Cleo?” Gavin questioned, only to hear the tinkling of a bell from nearby. His eyes then lit up at seeing the cat which was sitting on the windowsill and Gavin didn’t need to say anything before Connor was wandering over to pick her up. He let Cleo down on the armrest next to Gavin and waited to see how the pair would react, only for Cleo to purr and settle down abruptly on Gavin’s lap.

“Should’ve figured, Cleo stays with you almost all of the time,” Connor said fondly. “She’s not too fond of people but she loves quiet and heat, while you were asleep it was a dream for her as you were like a warm pillow. Most days she was asleep on your chest as soon as I started letting her.”

Gavin’s eyes teared up a little as he stroked the cat gently, feeling the fluttering heartbeat under his hand. He figured that unlike Blossom, she was organic. “The way you speak about all of this, it’s…” Gavin stopped himself before looking at Connor pleadingly. “Connor, where am I? Where are **we**?”

After a fair amount of deliberation, Connor told Gavin the story of what he’d been missing since he first fell asleep. To a brief overview of what happened in the hospital, to everything had changed around them since his eventual release. Connor explained how he was now Gavin’s primary caregiver, though there were others who helped – such as their family. Gavin didn’t react badly when Connor worded them like that, so he took it as a good sign.

Contrary to what Connor had been expecting, Gavin accepted it all with relatively little fuss before dropping a bombshell of his own. “That explains the voices I’ve got vague recollections of.”

Connor’s expression froze as he tried to absorb what that meant. “How do you mean, Gavin?”

“It’s…I dunno how to really word it, it’s almost like I’ve got memories of people talking to me? Mostly it’s you, though I can’t really remember the exact words. I was just aware that you were there and talking? I’ve got a few of Tina, lots of Melissa which makes sense now that you’ve said she’s over here often, and a couple of Hank and Nines. A few others that I don’t know or recognise…” Gavin then looked up at Connor with a sly smile. “Hank and Nines really got hitched a few months ago, huh?”

The android smiled widely at that. “Yes, they agreed it after a few too many incidents with some anti-android sentiment aimed against the both of them. Someone exposed that they were in a relationship and they became targeted for it, but rather than fight back against it they took the new limelight in stride. Although…”

“Although?” Gavin wondered, curious as to Connor’s sly smile.

“I think they only decided to do it after they woke up one morning to discover they both had Gardens.”

That caused Gavin to be stunned. “I thought neither of them had soulmates? Hank certainly doesn’t.”

“You’re right, they didn’t. They do now,” Connor went on warmly, to which Gavin read between the lines.

It wasn’t just bonds that could be broken through the actions of an individual. In much rarer cases, people could create soul bonds too. Though nowhere near as frequent as Witherings (mainly because many people without a soulmate were quite happy to be that way), the reverse sometimes happened when pairs forged a bond between them.

Mostly it occurred between best friends, or found family. It was less common for it to be romantic partners as they often had other people that they were fiercely close to beyond their other half. When Hank and Nines had confessed that they’d discovered one day that they’d found they suddenly had Gardens and found the other there, it was one of Connor’s favourite memories.

He then admitted to Gavin that he may or may not have played a part in Hank and Nines sneaking away to get married secretly since they wanted it to be just for them, helping to set up a scenario for the both of them to get a few paid days away from Jericho and the DPD without anyone else knowing.

“Why does that not surprise me?” Gavin chuckled while sitting back to get comfier in the sofa. “Good for them, it’s nice to hear a happier soulmate story. So often we hear bad things because the good is taken for granted.”

Connor nodded in agreement before looking at Gavin warily, suddenly all too aware of how tragic their own tale had almost become. “Gavin, I…I don’t know if this is the right time to do this, but I don’t know when that would be so I’m just-” He choked down a sob but couldn’t stop a few tears from running down his cheeks.

“I’m so sorry,” Connor cried quietly. “I never would have hurt you willingly and I can’t believe I did such a thing without realising just how I’d cause you such harm. I-I wish you’d said something to me, or anyone really, that you were suffering in anything like the way that you were. If I’d known that **I’d** done this to you-”

“Con, stop.”

He did at hearing Gavin’s soft voice and he was almost scared to move as the human looked towards him and reached out a tentative hand. “I know you didn’t mean it, I knew that from the start. Even when we didn’t like each other, I knew that you wouldn’t have hurt anyone. Especially not that way, you’re a pretty gentle person. I just- fuck, it was a big mess. I didn’t know how to tell you when androids couldn’t dream, I didn’t think you’d believe me. After the first rejection I wasn’t sure how to broach it again, so I just…accepted it.”

“But even after the dream update came out? Once we saw evidence that it could be reversed?”

“I was stuck on whether I wanted to take the chance, honestly,” Gavin admitted. “I’d been resigned to dying for months, having the hope of something beyond it again was fucking terrifying. Once I’d finally steeled myself to try no matter what, you didn’t react to me at all. That was why I was off sick as the update came out, I was so fucking scared that I’d be rejected by you again, consciously this time. When you didn’t say anything, I thought you had.”

Connor started crying more earnestly. “No, god no. The update didn’t work for the RK series originally, we didn’t know it until Markus was asked by someone else what he wanted out of their bond. It was the day that you left that Nines gave me the patch, but I couldn’t see anything in the Garden, it was clouded over by a fog. The first time I saw you clearly was…”

“When I said goodbye,” Gavin murmured, his heart simultaneously aching and thundering in his chest at seeing Connor’s grief and anguish on such display. “I’m sorry, Connor. If we could go back and change how things went…I would. I wouldn’t have been such a fucking chicken and actually talked to you rather than just leaving everything to when it was too late, to when I didn’t have to face you again. I just didn’t know what to do,” the human admitted, looking away in shame.

“Gavin, I don’t think you realise just how **admirably** you handled what was happening to you,” Connor whispered. “When word spread at the station that you’d almost died from Withering, everyone was stunned that you’d been so deathly ill. They-they weren’t very enamoured when they discovered **I’d** been the responsible party, even if your Withering had stopped. A few people accused me of being cruel and heartless, that guilt was the only reason I said anything to keep you alive,” he muttered dejectedly, the words never far from his mind. It was part of the reason he’d jumped at the opportunity to work from home: sometimes the looks were just too much.

“Bullshit, none of them have a fucking clue about you if they thought for a second that you’d have done that,” Gavin told him adamantly, to which Connor smiled.

“I appreciate that Gavin, but they did bring up a fair point. After what happened during the revolution it would have been…petty justice, as some put it.”

Gavin shook his head and placed his hand closer to Connor. “Connor, look at me.” The android did, to which Gavin shakily reached over and finally took a hold of the android’s hand. “I never for one second though it was deliberate and you don’t need to say anything to defend yourself. After how I treated you, you had every right to push me away and you didn’t know we were soulmates. Part of the reason I never said anything was that I though it was penance for my own fucking mistakes…”

Connor took a feather light hold of Gavin’s hand and slid closer. “No, please don’t think like that,” Connor whispered. “You’ve more than paid for what happened, don’t feel that you have to make up for anything. After all you’ve suffered though, you deserve the peace of a future. Although I wish I could say that it would be easy…”

A small laughed rose out of the human. “Yeah, I can believe it. Even just looking at me I can see that I’m not really in much of a fit state, and I bet I look a lot better than I did before.” He slowly intertwined fingers with Connor and smiled at seeing how the android’s synthskin peeled away. The warmth against his hand was almost ticklish and Gavin laughed a little at the sensation. “Didn’t realise interfacing was like that from a human’s side.”

“It’s a data transfer, in its simplest terms,” Connor told him. “As there’s a shifting of energy, there’s a low electrical pulse which travels from me to wherever I am wanting to send the data. The charge is nowhere near dangerous and it about the same level as minimum electrostimulation therapy, so it should be soothing.”

“Honestly, I’m trying to not to pull away because it’s tickly, not because it’s painful or unpleasant,” Gavin smiled before looking at his own whitened arm. A thought suddenly struck him and he looked at Connor pleadingly.

“Connor, can you-can you try something with me?” The android nodded without hesitation, to which Gavin held up his other hand. “This one started getting a little iffy with feeling before I feel asleep. I was aware I was touching things because of the pressure and all that but I couldn’t really… **feel**. It was like the nerves and sensation in it had gone as the decay grew up my arm. Could you…?”

A slow nod was Connor’s answer and he pulled over his right hand to rest against Gavin’s left, pulling his skin back so that he could start another interface. Gavin’s heart was pounding as he felt this one completely differently to the one on his right hand. Whereas before it had been skirting the edge of too much, this one was **not enough**. It was warmth, comfort and something welcoming all wrapped into one, almost like being swaddled in a blanket. A feeling of home.

His breathing came out shakily as he saw just how much Connor was fixating on their hands. Gavin couldn’t blame him, there was a strange beauty to how they were currently linked. Both with white hands, one dull while the other was reflective from plastic, bound by a blue light which was humming between them. It was bouncing between them almost and Gavin wondered if he was losing it a little when it almost made him think of a heartbeat, like he was feeling Connor’s essence beating between them.

“We kinda match,” he breathed out, to which Connor nodded emotionally.

“Yes, we do,” the android said roughly, to which Gavin wondered what had him so emotional.

“Hey, you said that this is like a data transfer, right? What is it that you’re trying to tell me?”

Connor’s hand fell a little but Gavin didn’t let him withdraw, pressing the lightly trembling limb up against the retreating one. “It’s…I don’t know if you’re ready to hear this or not,” Connor said sadly, to which Gavin waited patiently. It took a few seconds before Connor looked at him seriously again. “Your letters, the ones that you left for everyone once you’d gone…Do you remember what you said to me in it?”

Gavin thought it over for a bit, recollecting bits and pieces. “Not word for word, I did most of them back to back but I meant everything that was in it, if that helps?” he said tentatively, to which Connor took a deep breath.

“Including the bit where you said you loved me?”

Ah. Yeah, Gavin forgot he’d scribbled that down in haste before his courage failed him, figuring that he’d not have any other way of saying it to the android. He nodded in agreement with his heart pounding. “Especially that bit,” he confirmed, to which Connor gave a shaky smile.

“I wish you’d managed to tell me in real life rather than a page, but in a way I guess it’s worked out for the best. Part of me knows that I wouldn’t have been convinced that I would have meant this had I said it back then, but after so long of wishing to have you here again…”

Connor’s face morphed back to a tentative smile. “I love you, Gavin. I know that both of us are pretty broken and have a lot of healing to go through, but I’m not scared of it. I-I want to be there for the good bits and the bad.”

Gavin’s heart leapt and even in his weakened state, he managed to take a grip of Connor’s hand more tightly and pull the android towards him. Connor went willingly and the two met for a gentle kiss, emotions spilling out from the pair of them as they were finally reunited properly. They ignored the tears that were sneakily running from their eyes as they met for several more kisses.

After a few minutes of gently exploring each other with lips and hands, never kissing too deeply because they weren’t sure how much Gavin could take, they pulled apart to smile at each other. “I guess I’d better tell everyone else that you’re awake. In my excitement and shock I didn’t even think to,” Connor blushed, to which Gavin chuckled.

“It’s the middle of the night, leave them be. If all you stupid bastards waited two and a half years for me to wake up, they can wait another few hours until dawn,” Gavin pointed out, to which Connor was more than happy to agree. It meant he could hoard his soulmate for a little longer.

* * *

They didn’t stay for much longer before Gavin decided that he wanted to try something. Even though he wasn’t explicitly tired, Gavin felt like he needed to see their Garden. He’d not really taken in anything for those seconds that he’d been aware before: he’d blinked awake on the bench just after Connor had left it, only to see the android at the tree branch.

This time, however, when the pair both appeared on either half of their Garden they wandered around the full expanse, Gavin picking out all of the spots where he noticed Connor had changed things. As he’d never seen the Zen Garden, though he’d heard Nines and Connor talk about the program before, witnessing it was something entirely different and Gavin adored the boat when he saw it. Connor was more than happy to take an oar as Gavin took the other, the two of them gliding across the water.

What made things so much better was that inside the Garden, Gavin wasn’t crippled like he was in the outside world. He didn’t have the white arm in here – something that Gavin admitted he actually quite liked since it made him feel something more akin to Connor – but it also meant Gavin could **do** things. That gave them the belief that Gavin could recover to a state similar in the real world as he was to here.

After they left the boat and began another circuit of Gavin’s half of the Garden, he couldn’t help but wonder how much effort Connor had expended in bringing his half back to anything like the vibrancy it now showed. “Con, you must have spent so much time here…Did you ever wonder if it could all be for nothing in the end?” he questioned, feeling how the android tensed a little where they were holding hands.

“No, I believed you were still somewhere,” Connor answered honestly. “Others who had been in similar positions died rather than the close shave you had, and everyone whose Withering stopped after they fell into slumber either passed away or woke up eventually. There’s a theory going that how long it takes for someone to find their way back is relative to how long they’d been Withering and since you had been suffering for 5 months…”

“Makes sense, I guess,” Gavin said while looking towards the vortex which swirled over where their Gardens were joined, scowling at it. “Wonder if that’ll go away someday?”

“Perhaps, but I suspect that has something to do with our own mental turmoil. Once we’re a little more recovered it might ease, the wind has always been less violent any days that I’m in a better frame of mind,” Connor stated with a small smile.

“So once we’re more at peace with all of this it might go away? I can take that,” Gavin nodded as they finished the circuit back at the island linking their Gardens together. It was then that Gavin noticed the two small trees that were entwined on the concrete and he smiled at how they were interconnected. “Another thing you did?”

Connor nodded and knelt so that he could pull out the rabbit from where it was nestled in between the roots, only to freeze at seeing that it had now changed. Gavin noticed the hesitation and was also stunned when he too picked up on the difference from before – he’d not remembered it perfectly but it definitely didn’t look like **this**.

It now had a small blue dot on it’s right temple, almost like an LED, and its previous brown fur had now changed to white on its left arm. The black staining and dust residue from when Gavin had passed it to Connor as a memento had now all gone.

“Shit, it almost looks like a combination of us,” Gavin whispered. “An LED for you and the white arm for me.”

Connor couldn’t disagree and held the toy close for a moment before looking at Gavin emotionally. “Part of me is still scared to really embrace this – after so long of waiting and hoping…it almost feels like a dream.”

That was something Gavin could only partly empathise with but he could acknowledge the sense of disbelief well. He’d been expecting to die, so that have a second chance at life, not to mention a second chance where Connor was willingly at his side…it really did feel like a gift.

“I know things are going to be fucking difficult outside of here, but I guess that makes this place almost like a safe haven of sorts?” Gavin decided while looking between the two Gardens. “It’s just us in here – no stresses, no other people, no responsibilities, no burdens…It’s kinda freeing with how I know I am outside of here.”

The android walked closer and wrapped his arms around Gavin’s waist, to which the human smiled and leant back into Connor’s embrace. Both of them looked up at the wind above them and saw that it seemed to have slowed even more, the leaves and petals caught in the climb above dancing gently. “I wonder if that was where you were all this time, up there and watching,” Connor mused, to which Gavin laughed.

“No idea, don’t think we’ll ever know where I was or what caused me to finally wake up today. I could hear things but I don’t remember much of it. Wonder if that’s a good thing or not,” Gavin murmured while enjoying the comfort of Connor’s arms. When Connor tensed a little again Gavin decided that it probably was for the best – he suddenly wondered just what Connor had said between them when things seemed bleak and overwhelming.

“It’s better that you don’t know,” the android whispered while nuzzling the side of Gavin’s head. “Some of the past two and half years has truly not been pleasant.”

“Don’t need to tell me twice.” They stood there in comfortable silence for a while before Gavin gently tugged Connor way, guiding him to one of the blossom trees and laying beneath it. Connor settled right at his side and the pair laced their fingers together as they stayed in peaceful silence, enjoying the ambient sounds around them.

As the sun started to dip below the tree line to cast everything in a warm glow Gavin turned to look at Connor, only to find the android already watching him. It left him feeling remarkably disarmed and awed to see the expression on his soulmate’s face and the enormity of it hit him all of a sudden. “Still can’t believe that you’re my soulmate – that after all this, we’re actually getting a chance together.”

Connor laughed happily and pressed his forehead against Gavin’s. “You or me. It feels incredible,” he breathed against the other man’s lips before capturing them in a warm kiss. “I love you, Gavin.”

“Love you too, Connor.” The two lost themselves in each other as the Garden finally faded away with the start of a new day in the real world. Time to face the reality beyond their own little world.

When they awoke they were still facing each other, white hands linked with a warm, blue glow between them.

It made the challenges to come seem not quite so daunting - because they’d be walking that path together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our boys are both scarred, hurting and nervous of what's ahead, but they're ready for whatever comes their way.
> 
> So, this is the end of the main fic! I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for watching this tale unfold and inspiring me to create it into something more than just a Gavin!whump fic. This was intended only as 4-5 chapters and has evolved into this heart-wrenching tale that had me almost in tears a couple of time writing it, let alone reading.
> 
>  **Edit:** An alternate ending will be posted shortly, before I start planning out a sequel for their journey back to health after the main ending. Currently I don't have a timeline, but if you want to read **_After Life_** , please subscribe to the series, **_Heart and Soul_**.
> 
> If you want to, please feel to check out some of my other works and I hope to see many of you in other fics in the future!
> 
> <3


	16. Someday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: This is an alternate ending to **Watch Me Wither** , and should only be read if you want to see the other, much sadder/angstier end. The sequel to this story, **After Life** will be taking place after the events of Chapter 15.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, you guys wanted it so here it is! The alternate ending to **_Watch Me Wither_**. This chapter takes place in the immediate aftermath of Chapter 13, so I think you guys won't be surprised by where this goes.
> 
>  **Trigger warnings** : Major character death, graphic depictions of grief and struggles with survivor's guilt. 
> 
> This is not what I'd call an explicitly bad ending...but it's definitely the sad one.
> 
> Don't say I didn't warn you!

Before Nines even walked into the waiting room, Connor knew.

He could see the taller androids psyching himself up, something Connor had never known Nines to do. Always so assured and never loathe to speak his mind, seeing him hesitant like this with him hurt – nearly enough to pierce through the fog which had overtaken all of his systems.

Nines had barely sat down when Connor jumped in ahead of him, saving the RK900 some of the trouble. “How long have I been out?” he asked sombrely, to which Nines looked away.

“A little over fourteen hours,” Nines replied honestly. “I apologise for forcing you into stasis against your will but your stress levels were frighteningly high, Connor. I wasn’t going to risk harm coming to you when I could prevent it.”

Though part of Connor resented Nines for pulling him away at such a pivotal moment, the other, larger, part was grateful. He’d been spiralling badly and if he’d been there when-

Connor knew in his heart if he’d seen anything else, it would have been too much.

They sat in silence for a few more seconds before Connor spoke again quietly, his heart aching at the words. “When did he die?”

Nines’ LED went red for a second before returning to yellow, sympathy in his gaze. “5 hours and 19 minutes ago,” the other android told him sadly. “It was just as they’d feared – when Gavin’s lungs gave out it was the precursor to the rest of his organs failing. No matter what they tried…it was simply too late. A couple of the doctors said that it was the most likely outcome from the start, but they didn’t feel it was their place to say.”

A heartbroken nod was Connor’s only answer to that. Nines saw a few tears creep down his cheeks and sent a message to Hank, knowing that he’d need some help. He couldn’t imagine anything like the emotional turmoil Connor was currently in; but Hank knew a different side to losing someone he loved.

In the meantime, Nines peeled his skin away and placed a bare hand on Connor’s own, the offer of an interface there if the older android wanted it. Nines didn’t force the issue when Connor rejected it, his stress levels weren’t dangerous. He instead stayed as quiet support while Connor began to process his grief.

It was almost twenty minutes later that Hank appeared, the older man’s face shuttered with his own sorrow. Nowhere near the gulf of Connor’s, but despite all of their differences Hank had still considered Gavin a friend. His death and the manner of it was something that was liable to change all of them forever.

Seeing Connor crying rigidly while holding Nines’ hand in a death grip made his heart ache even more. Hank didn’t so much as stop for thought before sinking into the seat next to Connor on the bench, pulling the android into his shoulder to encourage Connor to let loose on his emotions. It was rare that Hank saw Connor lose control but this past day had shown sides of Connor that Hank wasn’t convinced anyone knew was there before.

No-one said anything for a few seconds but Connor’s silent tears were broken by a few sobs, with which the dam was broken.

Hank and Nines stayed as silent by steadying supports, knowing that it was liable only their circle of friends was going to stop Connor from self-destructing. It would be some time before they forgot the way the android quietly begged ‘I’m sorry’ into Hank’s bulk.

* * *

Word spread around the precinct within a couple of days of Gavin’s death: Hank had fulfilled his task of handing out all of the letters at Gavin’s apartment with a heavy heart, the astonishment on everyone’s face plain to see. No-one had known that Gavin was dying, and to find out it was from Withering was something none would have ever called.

Connor walked in with a sense of dread four days after his soulmate’s demise, unprepared for whatever hate and vitriol would be spread his way once people knew of his role in Gavin’s death. Nines was at his side – as one of he and Hank had been since Connor had been roused from his forced stasis – and made sure not to stray far as Connor headed to his desk to see a note waiting there from Captain Fowler.

Though he was tempted to ignore it despite whatever disciplinary warning was coming, Connor knew resignedly that he couldn’t run. No doubt Fowler would want to talk about why he’d suspiciously called in unwell right at the time of Gavin’s death, but before he could approach the office Chris stepped up to Connor hesitantly.

Nines gave them a little space as he went to speak with Hank, but neither of them let their attention stray too far from Connor as Chris started speaking softly.

“Hey, Connor,” the officer began and Connor could swear to feeling a pit in his systems open up. He’d known of the adage with reference to humans but never thought it a capability for androids. “I-um. I guess I just wanted to say that I’m sorry, you know, for Gavin.”

His confusion must have shown because Chris went on awkwardly. “A few of us kind of called that something was going on between you and Gavin; you know, after that kidnapping case. We all noticed how close you two had become and- fuck, I feel like an asshole for saying this now, but we had a little pool going on when you two were gonna go official. I’m pretty sure no-one else is brave enough to say anything right now but we’re all upset to know that he’s gone. Just…if you need anything, you can let me know. Okay?”

Of all the outcomes Connor had been expecting, this was the absolute last one that had been in his mind. Chris consoling him because he thought the two of them had been together, coming to the conclusion that was the reason Connor had straight up and vanished since? He felt entirely unworthy and hollow – if others had thought they were a couple, then surely a few suspected that he’d been the one to doom Gavin?

Then again, maybe not. There would be no logical reason for anyone to believe that they were an item and for Connor to be responsible to Gavin’s death. When the truth came out, it was going to be brutal.

“Connor.” The android looked up at hearing Fowler’s voice nearby and was surprised by the sympathetic expression on the other man’s face. “When you’ve got a moment, come up to my office. There’s a few things that we need to discuss.” Some of Connor’s unease must have shown on his face because Fowler, of all people, placed a reassuring hand on Connor’s shoulder and gave a slight squeeze. “It’s nothing bad, we just need to have a talk with no other sets of ears around. Take all the time you need.”

Chris watched as the captain left and gave Connor a reassuring grip of his own, on the android’s arm this time. “Remember what I said, Connor. If you ever need an ear, I’m more than happy to listen. I’m going to be swinging by Tina’s tonight: bringing her Beth’s signature chocolate cake to hopefully make her feel a little better. I’m sure that she’s suffering hardcore.”

His heart ached at the thought of Tina. She’d determinedly sent everyone else away despite their offers to be a shoulder to cry on, but Connor hated that she was trying to deal with her grief alone. She was trying to come to terms with the loss of someone she loved too, and Connor could empathise with that pain sharply. He wasn’t brave enough to face her yet, he wasn’t sure he’d ever be.

The android watched in amazement as Chris walked away, his systems flickering in guilt as he saw so many other reassuring glances being aimed his way.

If only they knew what he’d really done.

Hank and Nines gave him a nod when Connor’s eyes met theirs, taking a moment to steel himself before he walked into Fowler’s office for what he expected to be a nightmare conversation.

He’d barely wandered in when the captain frosted over the glass and gestured for Connor to take a seat in one of the chairs. “Sit down, Connor,” he invited gently. “I know androids don’t need it physically but I’m sure you do emotionally right now.”

Connor sighed as he did as suggested. “Captain I- I’m fine, really. Gavin’s death has shocked me but I-”

“Hank told me that you found out the truth.”

Those words caused Connor to grind to a halt and his LED went back to the same red it had been flashing for days. Fowler could see the grief on his face and went on sadly. “I know you two were soulmates, and I know that you tried to save him. Gavin told me what happened between you two, what started all of this, and I just want to say that there will be no ill judgement against you in this station.”

“If only it were that easy,” Connor croaked. “Once everyone finds out what I’ve done…”

“They’re not going to, Connor. Not unless you’re the one that tells them,” Fowler declared, which had Connor staring at him in shock. Sighing, Fowler pulled out his own letter from the deceased detective and showed it to Connor. “Gavin’s one request to me was to make sure that if anyone ever found out who caused him to Wither, it was on your terms. As far as anyone beyond the small group who are aware knows, Gavin’s death was caused by someone else. No whispers about whether it was someone known to them or not, or of the story behind it. He didn’t want you to suffer the stigma of being a Remnant when he knew that you didn’t intend this.”

Connor stared at the paper for a few seconds before crumpling. “This isn’t right,” he sobbed. “I-I killed him, I don’t deserve to have my identity protected like this!”

Fowler’s eyes lit in remembrance as he recollected someone else who uttered very similar words – someone who’d unintentionally killed part of his family. “Connor, this was an **accident**. Gavin was adamant of that before I found out from Hank the rest of your story, so you can stop that thinking right there. You’re as much of a victim as Gavin here. He’s dead, it’s true, but you’ve lost someone you loved and cared for.”

Seeing that the android wasn’t ready to believe that, Fowler pulled out another letter and pushed it towards Connor. “This is written permission for you to take up to three weeks away from the precinct in compassionate leave, Connor,” the captain uttered steadily. “Normally it wouldn’t be permitted given that there was no official link between you and Gavin, but I’ve pulled some strings so that no-one asks any questions. All HR knows is that you two had grown close and you were there when Gavin died, and it’s left you with some deep emotional scars.”

“Which isn’t true. I wasn’t there when Gavin died, even though I should have been,” Connor muttered, angry at himself more than anything. He didn’t blame Nines for putting him into a forced shutdown, he really didn’t He resented himself for not having the mental strength to be able to withstand what had been happening better, so that he could have been there right at the end.

That was something that would haunt Connor for the rest of his days, almost as much as the fact that he’d doomed himself to a fate alone.

“Connor, you need time,” Fowler told him. “get yourself out of here and go grieve. Take it from someone who’s way too damn familiar with this cursed disease, fate, whatever the fuck you want to call it. I’ve see way too many good people die because of this.”

* * *

In the end, Connor was persuaded by Hank and Nines to take the leave. They agreed with Fowler’s assessment that Connor needed time to heal – though Connor knew it would be a waste.

Gavin’s funeral was in two days and he wasn’t the slightest bit braced for it. How was he meant to face so many people with this weight of guilt and grief smothering him? He had no idea, but he was suddenly very aware of how so many people couldn’t face the pain of losing someone they loved. Now he felt like a completely judgemental asshole for saying that Hank could have found other methods to cope with his grief over Cole.

Right now, he wishes that he could find some form of oblivion like Hank had with his drinking. Some way out from all of this pain.

Nines and Hank were in the living room as Connor sat in thought on his bed, citing that he needed some space for himself. The RK900 was still tuned to Connor’s stress levels (that had been non-negotiable if Connor was to have his alone time) but that was it. Everything else…Connor had what he wanted.

Alone. Nothing. Silence.

Despite that, everything felt too close, like he couldn’t escape from all of the emotions wanting to drown him. It was awful, he didn’t know where to start processing anything, let alone the enormous task of beginning to try and tackle anything that needed to be done in the days ahead.

His systems were sluggish and Connor wondered if this was what exhaustion felt to humans He was just…done.

Slipping into stasis wasn’t even a conscious thought, but the minute he saw the Garden, Connor’s heart was cloven even wider open. Where he’d blinked awake, he was right next to the bridge where he’s last seen Gavin: where his soulmate had slipped out of his arms in a flutter of dust and lost chances.

As much as Connor wanted to ignore it, he felt drawn towards the rabbit toy that was still on the concrete bench beneath the vortex of wind. It hadn’t been snatched away by the spiral above, somehow, which he was strangely relieved at. This last item was the symbol of them together, Gavin had given it to Connor with his last effort. Seeing the marks which were tainting it…hurt.

Stubbornly, Connor brought the rabbit to the pond to try and clean it. The fur became matter and clumped as the blank gunk mixed with the water and the dust simply became further embedded. It was frustrating to see his efforts at washing away the awful reminders simply make things worse and Connor felt tears slip down his cheeks in despair. He just…

“I’m so sorry,” he sobbed. “I wish you were still here.”

He was so caught up in his endless efforts to try and clean the toy that he hadn’t noticed the gentle voice at first, only realising that he wasn’t alone after the sentence was over. “Don’t be so sure that I'm not, dipshit.”

Connor stood and spun so fast that it was beyond human speed, almost beyond what Connor had thought he was capable of. The toy fell from his hands to the grass below him as he waited for the trick of light to leave; and yet the impossible was there – **Gavin** was there, somehow.

“You’re dead,” Connor whispered, to which Gavin smiled.

“Yep, but here I am,” he shrugged, giving the android a wink. “You’re in a dream, Con. Strange things happen in dreams.”

“Wait…what?” the android blinked.

Gavin wandered to the edge of the pond and crouched down to take a closer look at the fish, humming to himself lightly. “Heh, cute,” he mused before turning back to Connor. “You’ve not really dreamt before, so you don’t know how these work. Dreams are fucking weird – they can go odd directions and you can invent pretty much anything. I think you can guess what I am then.”

Connor wanted to say something like a ghost or his guilt manifesting, but this felt…it was too **real** for that, if there was such a concept in a dream. Inside though, he knew the answer. “You’re my reconstruction software bringing together a compilation of my deceased soulmate,” he replied woodenly, to which Gavin scoffed.

“Wow, way to make it sound fucking clinical. So that’s the technical answer, yeah, but not the whole thing, there’s more to it than that,” Gavin stated while staring at the fish darting around underwater. “There’s more going on here than just me being pieced together from your software and memories.”

“You’re not Gavin,” Connor snapped, feeling awful for a second before the projection smiled.

“Tell yourself whatever you need to, Connor, but that still doesn’t get around the fact that you’ve been missing something blindingly obvious since I died.”

Anger simmered under Connor’s chassis for some reason but he reined it in, knowing that it was an unreasonable reaction. “And what might that be?” he grumbled, still making a point of not starting at Gavin.

“You knew about me before Nines ever told you the news. Why?”

“Because my right hand is Marked. I’m a- a Remnant now,” Connor bit out bitterly, clenching his right fist in hatred at himself.

“Okay, fine. So you’re Marked as the surviving half of soul bonds are once their mate dies – but there’s something you’ve been missing that I **really** hope I’m not going to have to spell out for you, because then I’ll know you’re just being stubborn.”

More fury raced through Connor’s circuits and he stood furiously, glaring at the apparition of Gavin. “Stop talking to me in riddles then!” he raged. “Just tell me what you’re so adamant I should be figuring out!”

Gavin sighed and lifted his left hand, showing Connor the white mark on his palm. The rest of his arm wasn’t tainted and decayed as Connor knew it had been when the man died, but the lighter pigmentation was obvious to see. “These marks aren’t meant to be this colour,” Gavin started slowly. “Got so used to seeing it in black that actually now seeing the white is a little weird,” he smiled.

He then looked up to Connor again. “Peel away your skin, Connor. Take a good look at your own Mark.”

Scowling, Connor did as asked. Now that he was being told to look at it closely, the android suddenly twigged what Gavin was getting at.

“It’s white too,” the android muttered, wondering how he’d not truly realised that before now. The last time he’d seen it was in the hospital right after Gavin had died: he’d been so caught up in the knowledge that he’s lost his soulmate and was branded for his actions that he’d not taken in this key difference.

A small smile came to Gavin’s face, though Connor didn’t see it. “There’s a theory, you know. A theory as to why Withering is so painful to the one that experiences it, why there’s no way to stop it. We know that the body decays away, but it’s also commonly accepted that the soul dies too when it’s been rejected from a bond. Withering victims are so crippled because they’re dying in both body and soul.”

Connor’s eyes finally raised to meet Gavin’s, to which the former detective held out his arms in a shrug. “We have no idea what happens when a Withering’s stopped, Con. Sure, my body’s dead and gone; but my soul? You changed my fate to a degree, even if it wasn’t the one you hoped to accomplish.”

Light came back to the android’s eyes for the first time. “Gavin, what are you getting at? Are…are you really?”

“Am I him? Meh, who knows. Not really got any awareness of what I am beyond who I’m meant to be,” he chuckled. “I do know what possibilities are out there though, Connor. If my soul really is still kicking around, then it’ll come back at some point. If it’s not too long…you might see me again, yet.”

That had the android freezing on the spot. “You really think that you could come back? That’s…possible?”

“Hell if I know, we don’t really know what goes on with soulmate mechanics. Surely if we’re born with soulmates then it comes from a prior life, yeah? Especially if so many people never meet theirs. It doesn’t make sense otherwise. If soul bonds are built in a previous life, then that means we’ve got have subsequent ones. I’m guessing that we don’t randomly switch soulmates between or that is just shit, so that means I’m still fated to you,” Gavin theorised while closing the distance between them.

“Means we could have another shot, someday,” he murmured warmly. “And I wouldn’t remember anything from this time, so there’d be no hard feelings on my side.”

Connor’s eyes shadowed as he reached out for Gavin, his breath catching when the hand passed right through the other man. It just drove home the fact that this Gavin wasn’t real, **his** Gavin was dead.

Except maybe, just maybe, he could have a second chance after all.

“This could just be my mind trying to come up with crazy theory, some hope in my grief,” the android argued, to which Gavin scoffed.

“Yeah, could do, but doesn’t change the fact that your fucking hand is white on the outside world, just as it is here,” Gavin pointed out. His eyes then softened again and he held his left palm up, an offering for Connor to connect with. “This might not be it, that’s all I’m trying to tell you. Don’t lose yourself to this grief because it may be pain for no reason.”

“You’re dead, there’s a definite reason,” Connor argued, even as he raised his right hand tentatively as if to interface with Gavin. “I’ve lost my soulmate in this lifetime at the very least and I…I miss you,” he cried quietly.

Gavin’s expression softened even more and he waited until Connor finally reached out, only for the android to freeze as the white marks on their palms physically connected. “I miss you too, Con,” he whispered before smiling. “Keep me safe here, yeah? I might not be out there anymore and I can’t promise you’ll see this version of me again, but keep my memories alive. Then, maybe, someday…we’ll get our chance.”

“Someday,” Connor replied just as softly, even as Gavin pulled his hand back.

“Take care of yourself, dipshit,” Gavin saluted before he started to fade away, Connor’s tears streaming down his face as he watching his soulmate vanish once more. Only this time it didn’t feel as all-consuming as before.

Connor blinked awake in the real world seconds later, the grief crashing back into him in a way he hadn’t felt in the Zen Garden. It had almost been dulled there, like a blunt knife rather than a searing burn, but it was just as painful as he remembered now. Still…

The android brought up his right hand and peeled away the synthskin, finding the white mark which was branded on his chassis – the sign of one without a soulmate. Although…

Hope bloomed in his heart as thought on what had just transpired in his mind. Maybe it had been a grief induced dream, maybe Connor was just deluding himself with false hope as a shield to his guilt.

Or maybe, just maybe, he really would see Gavin again.

“I’ll be waiting,” Connor whispered, “for whenever ‘someday’ is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that's **_Watch Me Wither_** officially done! I hope the alternate ending was everything that you all wanted.
> 
> I'm not sure all of you will have seen my announcement in the previous chapter but this is now a series. If you want to be notified when the sequel to this fic, **_After Life_** comes out, please subscribe to the **_Heart and Soul_** series. I don't have an explicit timeline for when it'll come out but I've written 70k words in 6 weeks - I've got to focus on a a couple of other projects before I come back to this series.
> 
> Thank you all so much for all of your support, it has been incredible. I hope to see many of you again in some of my future fics!
> 
> <3

**Author's Note:**

> Come check me out on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/SkyeWillows) and [Tumblr](https://skyewillows.tumblr.com), or ask for my Discord to scream at me on there! All screams welcome!
> 
> I am a slave to all forms of feedback (kudos, subs, bookmarks and especially comments), so please feel free to indulge me.


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